[Copypasta] I want to fuck myself!

Now before you guys assume, i am not gay. I was messing around with a selfie of myself on faceapp and decided to use the female filter. As soon as i clicked the icon, my life was changed forever. Those lusious lips, the well defined jawline, the adorable eyes and those perfect eyebrows instantly gave me a hard on. Before i knew it, i was stroking my cock faster than i had ever before. Within 2 minutss i had already cummed 5 times coating my whole bed with a layer of semen and my balls were drier than the shaharan desert. Could any of you nerds please find a way to bring my waifu to lifue. Thanks uWu.
September 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Kripp I am a young beautiful Korean girl

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴀ ʏᴏᴜɴɢ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ ᴋᴏʀᴇᴀɴ ɢɪʀʟ (>‿◠)✌ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪɢɢʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ʜᴏᴡ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ɢᴀᴍᴇs ♡‿‿♡ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴍᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Called my overweight female friend a heckin chonker today and now she won’t talk to me

My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
August 2021

Dickbird with Dickhead and Dicks on his Back

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⢉⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⠛⠛⣤⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠠⡰⣕⣗⣷⣧⣀⣅⠘⠛⠄⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣠⣳⣟⣿⣿⠿⣿⡿⣜⠄⣿⣤⣤⣤⠛⠛⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⢷⣿⣿⣿⣀⡿⣝⠖⠄⣿⣿⠛⣤⣿⠛⠛⣤⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣿⢷⣯⢿⢷⡫⣗⠍⢰⣿⠛⣤⣿⠛⠘⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⢸ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢄⠤⣁⠋⠿⣗⣟⡯⡏⢎⠁⢸⠄⣿⠛⠛⣤⣿⣤⣤⣤⠛⠛⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢔⢕⣯⣿⣿⡲⡤⡄⡤⠄⡀⢠⡀⡀⣤⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⣤⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿ ⣿⡿⢉⣴⣶⣦⠙⣿⣿⣿⡼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣷⡌⢿⠛⣤⠄⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⢸⣿ ⣿⣷⡘⠿⠟⣛⡁⢻⣿⣿⣿⣷⣝⢿⣿⠻⣿⢮⣭⣥⣄⡹⣤⣤⣤⠛⠛⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣟⡶⠶⢾⣭⣽⣗⡈⠻⠛⣤⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡈⣿⣿⣿⣧⣌⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⡲⣶⣶⣾⣷⣌⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠗⡈⠻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣶⣤⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠆⠻⠿⣿⣿⡿⠗⣢⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⢼⣿⣷⣶⢋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⣠⠄⣠⣶⣶⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣌⠛⠿⠛⠈⠛⠿⠿⠿⢛⠁⢈⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡈⢉⣩⡭⠽⢛⣒⣒⣒⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣉⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2021

NSFW

Priced in

Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
December 2020

Classic

WallStreetBets

Ben Shapiro YouTube title (not clickbait)

Ben Shapiro TRIGGERS and DESTROYES a libtard so hard WITH LOGIC AND FACTS that the libtrads brain IMPLODES and collapses INTO A FUCKING BLACK HOLE and that BLACK HOLE sucks up THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM and WIPES OUT ALL KNOWN LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE (triggered sjw compilation) (not clickbait)
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

Text-to-Speech Playing