[Copypasta] It is canon that Kermit the Frog caused 9/11 in the Muppet universe

In the 2002 TV film "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie", there's a part where an angel shows Kermit an alrernate reality where he was never born. For whatever reason, the editors didn't really think about it, and continued to use footage with the twin towers still standing for this scene; however, they aren't there in his original universe. Therefore, something that Kermit did in his life, did in fact cause 9/11 in Muppet lore.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Lea moans over Reynad's powerful Hearthstone thighs

twitchquotes: Lᴇᴀ ɪs ᴍᴏᴀɴɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛʜʀᴜsᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀғᴜʟ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʜsᴛᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜɪɢʜs ᴀɴᴅ 8.5 ɪɴᴄʜ (ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀsᴇ) ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ. Sʜᴇ sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍs ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴏʟʟ ʜᴇʀ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴘ ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ʜᴇʀ. Hᴇʀ ᴍᴏɪsᴛ ᴛᴏᴍᴀᴛᴏ sᴀᴜᴄᴇ ɢᴜsʜᴇs ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀᴏɴɪs ᴀs sʜᴇ ʀᴜɴs ʜᴇʀ ғɪɴɢᴇʀɴᴀɪʟs ᴅᴏᴡɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴀᴋᴇᴅ, ʜᴀɪʀʟᴇss, ʙᴏʏ-ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴄʜᴇsᴛ. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Ben Shapiro Olive Garden breadsticks

Let’s say that, hypothetically, you really did have unlimited breadsticks. Now, since they are unlimited, that means that you will never run out. However, on Earth there is a limited supply of the materials required to make breadsticks. Thus, if I were to attempt to eat as many breadsticks as possible, I would not be able to as eventually you would sell out, am I correct? Now that we have established that there are infinite breadsticks but finite supplies to make them, would it not be reasonable to conclude that you are either breaking the laws of physics, or are lying to me? And since one cannot break the laws of physics, logically you must be lying to me. Facts don’t care about your feelings liberals, you have committed the crime of false advertising and must give me free food or I will inform the authorities.
September 2020

Ben Shapiro

Slap Chop commercial script

Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades. Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza. You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now. Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go. You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream.
December 2020

But my heart still isn't as broken as Patron Warrior

twitchquotes: Mʏ ᴡɪғᴇ ᴏғ 20 ʏᴇᴀʀs ʟᴇғᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀɢᴏ. I ғᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴇɴᴅ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʀᴛs ɢʀᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴄᴜsᴛᴏᴅʏ ᴏғ ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ. Bᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ sᴛɪʟʟ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ᴀs ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴀs ᴘᴀᴛʀᴏɴ ᴡᴀʀʀɪᴏʀ.
twitch chat
September 2015
strifecro

Hearthstone

Troll face 5

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⣛⣛⠛⠒⠲⠶⠦⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⠏⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⠶⣛⣩⣥⠤⠤⠤⠤⢤⣤⣤⣭⣭⣉⣉⣛⣛⣻⣭⣥⠬⡍⠛⢶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠃⠀⠀⣠⡶⢋⡵⢛⡩⠵⠒⠒⠒⠒⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠤⠤⠤⢤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠘⢁⡴⢋⣴⢿⠒⠈⠉⣏⠉⠐⠒⡾⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠀⠀⢀⣀⣈⣙⣆⡀⠀⠀⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠟⣁⠀⠁⢀⣤⣦⣤⡀⠘⠀⢈⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣇⠖⠉⠙⠅⠀⠀⠉⠉⠑⢦⡈⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⢿⣧⠤⠤⠤⠄⠀⠖⣿⠀⠃⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⠀⠐⠁⢸⡇⠀⣀⣰⠉⠠⠀⠀⣰⣶⣷⣶⠀⠀⠀⢱⡈⢻⣦⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⣱⠋⢀⣴⠶⠚⠻⢶⣤⡘⢧⣄⠆⠂⠀⡉⠉⣉⣀⣀⠉⣠⡟⠁⠀⠉⢻⣆⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⠟⠛⠀⠀⢈⡿⢍⢢⢹⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⣿⠁⡇⢠⣿⠁⠀⢰⣦⡀⠉⠉⠀⠈⠙⠲⠾⠾⠶⠶⠶⠚⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣯⡑⠢⢤⣀⣂⣀⣨⠤⠒⠛⠃⠘⡆⡇⡧⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⡇⢸⡇⢠⣴⣾⠋⠛⢷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⠤⠴⢠⠶⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣷⠀⠀⡼⢡⢣⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢿⡇⣧⠘⠿⠀⠀⠸⣧⡀⠀⠈⢻⡿⢶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠸⣆⠐⠟⠻⠷⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠛⠃⠑⠤⠀⢀⣼⣿⡇⢀⠤⢂⣾⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣌⠑⠦⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣷⣤⣸⣷⡀⠀⠈⠙⠻⢿⣶⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠙⠿⠟⠁⠀⠀⢀⣠⡴⣿⠉⣿⣿⠀⠀⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⣀⣼⠁⠀⠈⠉⠙⣿⠛⠛⠻⢿⠿⠛⠛⢻⡇⠀⢸⡀⣹⣿⠀⠀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣄⣀⣿⣄⣀⣀⣸⣄⣀⣠⣴⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣦⠀⠘⣿⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⣄⠘⢷⡀⠘⡟⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣧⡀⠻⣾⡃⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣄⠈⠻⣦⡀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡿⣹⠇⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣷⣄⠈⠛⠷⣼⣇⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⡿⠀⢸⠇⣘⣧⠟⠀⢀⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢷⣄⡀⠀⠙⠻⠷⠶⣶⣾⣿⣤⣀⣠⣿⣄⣀⣴⠷⠶⠿⠿⠟⠋⠀⢀⣾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠿⣶⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⡤⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing