I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Mimikyu
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢸⠛⠉⢹⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠄⠠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⠉⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢡⠄⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠞⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠗⠚⠉⠉⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠲⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⢠⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠉⣴⣆⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣇⢰⡧⣉⡉⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⣀⣠⣿⡷⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢻⠘⠃⠈⠻⢦⠞⠋⠙⠺⠋⠉⠉⠉⢡⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⢲⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡆⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡞⠁⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⣶⠀⠀⠀⢸⣦⣴⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀
⠀⠀⢀⣀⡰⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠈⠋⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠰⣮⣉⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠈⠉⠻⠥⠤⢤⣶⢄⠀⢀⣠⣄⠀⠀⢠⣶⣤⣄⠈⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠋⠁⠠⠁⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Pokemon
Shots 1-5 clearly missed
Summary:
Shots 1-5: Clearly missed.
Shots 6-9: Missed due to recoil (bad spray control).
Shots 10-11: Very close, but recoil and inaccuracy make these reasonable misses.
Shot 12: Likely didn't actually fire because Hiko was already dead.
CSGO
Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum?
Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum guys? My parents stumbled on this sub the other day and now I'm not even allowed to access Reddit anymore because of the sex talk they saw in here. This is not a peepee, poopoo and vajayjay fun house. We are not heathens whose only role in life is to fornicate and laugh about fornication and then ejaculate that nonsense, spurting and spewing this so called "humor" on each other like animals. This is a place of worship. Meme worship. God is not pleased with you all. Repent.
Ben Brode and Firelands Portal
twitchquotes:
Ben Brode here! We are happy to announce we have finally solved an issue that has plagued Hearthstone since beta. Despite our best efforts with cards like Flamecannon and Ethereal Conjurer, Mage was still able to lose games in Arena. With the Old Gods we introduced Faceless Summoner, and yet mage's average arena winrate was still only 75%. With the introduction of Firelands Portal, we hope to finally make Mage a viable arena class. 
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps
twitchquotes:
Trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable *** off the face of the continent, you little ***. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your *** tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will *** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re *** dead, kiddo.
twitch chat
imaqtpie