I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?
Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp. We scanned our ancestry data-base and it appears you're related to the dinosaur known as Willy Vegansaurus the Herbivorous Dinosaur from 194 B.C We have tried contacting him, but it appears he died from a giant 'Meat-eor' sent from Villa the Spaghettisaurus from space. We fear he's making giant meatballs again, we recommend going carnivorous or earth could be doomed again!
twitch chat
Kripp
My average IQ after taking IQ tests...
twitchquotes:
My average IQ after taking IQ tests from accredited psychologist is 134.5 ←Only 2% of the human population score that high. I'm very close to genius level IQ. You calling me stupid is like some one calling Albert Einstein stupid. Which makes one of us look stupid. Hint: Not me.
twitch chat
Sloth
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠻⠿⢿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠈⠉⠉⠄⢠⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⡬⠛⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⡿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠅⠄⠅⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠁⠤⠄⠛⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠍⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⣀⣠⣀⠄⢈⣑⣢⣤⡄⠔⠫⢻⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡏⠂⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣔⠂⡙⣿⣿
⡿⠄⠄⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣈⣿
⠇⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⠿⢿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⣼
⠄⠄⠽⠿⠟⠋⠁⠙⠄⢠⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡠⢌⣧⠄⠈⠛⠉⠛⠐⡋⢹
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣾⡿⠑⠚⠋⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡄⢀⣀⣀⡀⠈⠄⢸
⣄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣾⠟⠋⠛⠛⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠒⠂⠛⡿⢟⠻⠃⠄⢼⣿⣿⣷⠤⠁⢸
⣿⡄⠄⢀⢝⢓⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠠⠶⢺⣿⣯⣵⣦⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⢸
⣿⣿⡀⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠠⢾⣷⣄⢄⣀⡈⡀⠠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢏⣀⣾
⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠈⠈⠙⠑⠗⠙⠙⠛⠄⠈⠹⠻⢿⡻⣿⠿⢿⣝⡑⢫⣾⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠑⠐⠚⣨⣤⣾⣿⣿
Ape
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