[Copypasta] I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today

I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
August 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Alien through telescope

twitchquotes: AlienPls ⠀ ゚⠀*⠀ 。⠀ ⠀゚⠀。 ⠀ ⠀⠀ ☆⠀ ⠀★⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ・゚⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ★⠀ 。・⠀⠀⠀゚⠀⠀。⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ★⠀ ⠀ ・・⠀⠀ ⠀ ∴⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ゚⠀ ⠀ ⠀ *⠀゚⠀⠀⠀★⠀⠀⠀ 。・⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀I CANT BELIEVE MY EYES 🔭 OMEGALUL 󠀀 󠀀
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October 2021

Ok, so I basically fucked my bedroom door.

January 2021

Random Koala fact of the day

twitch chat
March 2014
Hafu

Kripp will never, ever click the button

twitchquotes: Kripp will never, ever click the button. The expansions will release at a faster rate than he can collect dust. Much like the contents of the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, the button is merely a carrot Kripp dangles in front of his viewers without any intention of actually delivering. This is blatantly obvious - he even admits he doesn't bother to calculate because he knows he'll never click it. We will spam this pasta until the button has been clicked.
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Kripp

Hearthstone

I'm better than professional valorant players

Wait, these are PROFESSIONAL valorant players? I'm better than all of them and I'm in bronze. I purposely empty my vandal clip down to 1 bullet because I kill all my opponents with 1 tap ease. Tenz looks like he could use some lessons from me directly. I'm bronze by the way.
August 2021

Valorant

Text-to-Speech Playing