[Copypasta] I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today

I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my รผbernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Response to somebody correcting a grammar mistake

Give it up folks, einstein over here has something to say. What's that buddy? Wha- A grammatical error?!? WHAT?!? B... Bu... That can't be possible! Surely not! A GRAMMAR MISTAKE? IN MY SIGHT?!? What a great, absolute miracle that you and your 257 IQ Brain was here to correct it! Thank you! Have my grattitude, Actually, What's your cashapp? I'd like to give you 20$... Know what? While we're at it have the keys to my car. Actually, no, scratch that. Have the keys to my house, go watch my kids grow up and fuck my wife. Also, my Paypal username and password is: Ilikesmartazzes4 and 968386329. Go have fun. Thank you for your work.
May 2021

Chinese gibberish copypasta

twitchquotes: ่‡ฃไบฎ่จ€๏ผšๅ…ˆๅธๅ‰ตๆฅญๆœชๅŠ๏ผŒ่€Œไธญ้“ๅดฉๆฎ‚ใ€‚ไปŠๅคฉไธ‹ไธ‰ๅˆ†๏ผŒ็›Šๅทž็–ฒๅผŠ๏ผŒๆญค่ช ๅฑๆ€ฅๅญ˜ไบกไน‹็ง‹ไนŸใ€‚็„ถไพ่ก›ไน‹่‡ฃ๏ผŒไธๆ‡ˆๆ–ผๅ…ง๏ผ›ๅฟ ๅฟ—ไน‹ๅฃซ๏ผŒๅฟ˜่บซๆ–ผๅค–่€…๏ผŒ่“‹่ฟฝๅ…ˆๅธไน‹ๆฎŠ้‡๏ผŒๆฌฒๅ ฑไน‹ๆ–ผ้™›ไธ‹ไนŸใ€‚่ช ๅฎœ้–‹ๅผต่–่ฝ๏ผŒไปฅๅ…‰ๅ…ˆๅธ้บๅพท๏ผŒๆขๅผ˜ๅฟ—ๅฃซไน‹ๆฐฃ๏ผ›ไธๅฎœๅฆ„่‡ช่ฒ่–„๏ผŒๅผ•ๅ–ปๅคฑ็พฉ๏ผŒไปฅๅกžๅฟ ่ซซไน‹่ทฏไนŸใ€‚ๅฎฎไธญๅบœไธญ๏ผŒไฟฑ็‚บ้ซ”๏ผŒ้™Ÿ็ฝฐ่‡งๅฆ๏ผŒไธๅฎœ็•ฐๅŒใ€‚่‹ฅๆœ‰ไฝœๅงฆ็Šฏ็ง‘๏ผŒๅŠ็‚บๅฟ ๅ–„่€…๏ผŒๅฎœไป˜ๆœ‰ๅธ๏ผŒ่ซ–ๅ…ถๅˆ‘่ณž๏ผŒไปฅๆ˜ญ้™›ไธ‹ๅนณๆ˜Žไน‹ๆฒป๏ผŒไธๅฎœ็ฏ‡็ง๏ผŒไฝฟๅ…งๅค–็•ฐๆณ•ไนŸใ€‚ไพไธญใ€ไพ้ƒŽ้ƒญๆ”ธไน‹ใ€่ฒป่ค˜ใ€่‘ฃๅ…็ญ‰๏ผŒๆญค็š†่‰ฏๅฏฆ๏ผŒๅฟ—ๆ…ฎๅฟ ็ด”๏ผŒๆ˜ฏไปฅๅ…ˆๅธ็ฐกๆ‹”ไปฅ้บ้™›ไธ‹ใ€‚ๆ„šไปฅ็‚บๅฎฎไธญไน‹ไบ‹๏ผŒไบ‹็„กๅคงๅ‰ๅ‡บๅธซ่กจ
twitch chat
June 2014
EtrnlWait

LilZ

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–Œโ–“โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–Œโ–“โ–„โ–„โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–€โ–„โ–‘ โ–„โ–€โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–Œโ–“โ–€โ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–“โ–€โ–’โ–„โ–Œโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–„โ–€โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–€โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–€โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–„โ–Œโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

I think my boss might be a communist

I think my boss might be a communist. So a while ago, I got my first paycheck at my new job at a fast food place. I guess it wasn't too bad, but I did the math and figured out that I sold a lot more food per hour than I got paid for, even when you account for the price of the food. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said we're all part of one big team, but some people get paid more than others. This is suspiciously close to the famous "some are more equal than others" from my favorite book, Animal Farm and is what really got me thinking about this. We make the money, and then he takes it and gives it to someone who doesn't even work! I'm not economist, but this is textbook socialism. I think I've come to the conclusion that the best way for me to combat these socialist business practices would be teaming up with my fellow workers unify our power and demonstrate that we understand the full value of our labor. Anyone else have similar experiences with obviously Marxist bosses before, or any other advice?
May 2021

Petition to fly Kripp down to Houston

twitchquotes: I am starting a petition to fly Kripp down to Houston to aid in the Hurricane Harvey relief effort. The unprecedented levels of PJSalt that spew from his mouth will reduce the water levels by at least 75%. One copy pasterino = 1 prayer BlessRNG
twitch chat
September 2017
Kripp
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