I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
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deadmau5
⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠋⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠙⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿
⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿
⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿
⣿⣷⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣾⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⢾⣿⣶⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠻⠿⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⠃⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⡤⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
Times change...
twitchquotes:
Laying on the ground, devastated by the news my beloved Kripp has joined TSM, a hooded figure approaches, kneels down, grabs me by the shoulder. “This was not his destiny.” I said, holding back the tears. I look up, the stranger removes his hood and looks me in the eye, “Times Change…” says Trump, as he pushes me to the ground. This wasn’t supposed to happen. 
twitch chat
Kripp
Valiant calls Shanghai
twitchquotes:
HELLO SHANGHAI 📞 
IT'S THE VALIANT 📞 WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE 📞
IT'S THE VALIANT 📞 WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE 📞
twitch chat
OverwatchLeague
Overwatch
Toast stares at the screen
twitchquotes:
Toast stares at the screen. His vision begins to fade. "My jaws that bite, my claws that catch". This message burns into his brain. As the armor count slowly rises, Toast's sanity begins to fade. "Just another 1000 armor, then I can quit" he tells himself. His viewers are begging him to stop, it's been weeks and weeks at this point, As he finally begins to succumb to his fatigue and eye strain, he realizes this is the end. He utters one final word, as falls face down onto his desk. "...PogChamp.
twitch chat
DisguisedToast
Hearthstone
I declare with utter certainty that James is an ass
twitchquotes:
ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʜᴀsᴛʟʏ ᴇʏʀɪᴇ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪs ᴠᴀɴᴛᴀɢᴇ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ I ᴅᴇᴄʟᴀʀᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴜᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴛʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ɪs ᴀɴ ᴀss
twitch chat
Dota Major