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More Reddit Copypastas
My boyfriend doesnt know (from r/trueoffmychest)
At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocadoās asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". Theyāve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriendās brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking heās keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesnāt know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brotherās LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. Iām literally pissing myself as I write this.
At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocadoās asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". Theyāve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriendās brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking heās keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesnāt know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brotherās LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. Iām literally pissing myself as I write this.
My husband of 5 years bought me Reddit Gold for my anniversary
My 5-Year anniversary with my husband was last week. The traditional gift for 5 years is silverware. I wanted a new set and told my husband which he could get me as a gift. I knew he wanted an Apple Watch and bought that as my gift to him.
On the day of our anniversary, I logged onto Reddit to find dozens of my posts and comments guilded. I found it odd as I donāt post terribly often and the guilded comments were old. Itās also the first time Iāve received Reddit gold.
When the time came to exchange gifts, he gleefully opened his Apple Watch and begin setting it up. I figured Iām all the excitement he forgot to give me my gift so I gently prodded him. He told me to check Reddit.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband GUILDED me 24 times as an anniversary gift. Heās a bit of a jokester, so I figured my real gift was coming.
But Reddit, itās been a week. Do I say something? Buy the silverware myself? Some combination of the two? I feel if I donāt say something then the cycle will repeat itself.
My 5-Year anniversary with my husband was last week. The traditional gift for 5 years is silverware. I wanted a new set and told my husband which he could get me as a gift. I knew he wanted an Apple Watch and bought that as my gift to him.
On the day of our anniversary, I logged onto Reddit to find dozens of my posts and comments guilded. I found it odd as I donāt post terribly often and the guilded comments were old. Itās also the first time Iāve received Reddit gold.
When the time came to exchange gifts, he gleefully opened his Apple Watch and begin setting it up. I figured Iām all the excitement he forgot to give me my gift so I gently prodded him. He told me to check Reddit.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband GUILDED me 24 times as an anniversary gift. Heās a bit of a jokester, so I figured my real gift was coming.
But Reddit, itās been a week. Do I say something? Buy the silverware myself? Some combination of the two? I feel if I donāt say something then the cycle will repeat itself.
Hey! I noticed you used an emoji.
I donāt know if youāre new here, so Iāll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you donāt want to be a normie, do you?
If I catch you using an emoji in the future, Iāll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit.
If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I donāt think I have to explain why you donāt want that.
But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and youāll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.
I donāt know if youāre new here, so Iāll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you donāt want to be a normie, do you?
If I catch you using an emoji in the future, Iāll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit.
If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I donāt think I have to explain why you donāt want that.
But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and youāll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.
Greetings r/atheism
Greetings, my fellow intellectually superior comrades. I too am an enjoyer of the fedora as well as intellectual matters and enlightenment. I am very pleased to find a space like this where intellects like me can laugh at normie th*ests and jerk off to rule 34 Rick and Morty images like the true sigma Chads we are. Truly a shame that normie sites like Instascam and Crapchat do not possess the intellectual capacity of people like us.
That reminds me of a story involving one of my proudest accomplishments. I remember the reason why I got fired from my old job as a scrub, and it is truly a brave, bold, and intellectual moment that I am sure you all will be proud of. So I was doing my rounds at the hospital I was working at and someone's newborn baby has just died form birth complications. Everyone was crying and the mother's parents had assured her that the baby was "in Heaven" and "with God". (cringe, right?) Well I heard this utter nonsense through the hallway and I figured that it was my duty to put these ignoramus th* ists in their place. So I walked into the room and said straight to their faces "but God isn't real and neither is Heaven you normie th* ists. Heaven is a fairy tale made up by a book written 1,000 years ago in a desert by wannabe fantasy writers. Your sky daddy isn't real, and your baby isn't in Heaven because Heaven isn't real either. It's just all black for him like it was before he was convinced in your room. Go read 'the God delusion' by Richard Dawkins, maybe you'll grow a few brain cells." Everyone was shocked, the lady started crying and her parents and husband started yelling at me. The others were just speechless, their months agape. But I wasn't phased, it only made me proud becuase I know that when the th*ists are seething, I am right. So eventually someone must have reported me becuase a day after I got fired for "unprofessionalism and harassment". Ha! More like the simpleton folks cannot understand the intelligence of freethinkers like me, and get mad at those who tell the truth and reality check their delusion of their skydaddy. I didn't care tho. Geniuses are rarely recognized as such in their time. One day they'll look back in history and see that what I did there as well as all the other things I did were revolutionary! I can find a job with more intellectual employers anyway. I was proud to be fired for speaking the truth!
Either way, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to destroy some skydaddy cock sucking th*ests. Also an updoot on this post would very much be appreciated and wholesome.
Edit: I said UPDOOT, not DOWNDOOT! God, are you just as dumb as the th*ists now???
Greetings, my fellow intellectually superior comrades. I too am an enjoyer of the fedora as well as intellectual matters and enlightenment. I am very pleased to find a space like this where intellects like me can laugh at normie th*ests and jerk off to rule 34 Rick and Morty images like the true sigma Chads we are. Truly a shame that normie sites like Instascam and Crapchat do not possess the intellectual capacity of people like us.
That reminds me of a story involving one of my proudest accomplishments. I remember the reason why I got fired from my old job as a scrub, and it is truly a brave, bold, and intellectual moment that I am sure you all will be proud of. So I was doing my rounds at the hospital I was working at and someone's newborn baby has just died form birth complications. Everyone was crying and the mother's parents had assured her that the baby was "in Heaven" and "with God". (cringe, right?) Well I heard this utter nonsense through the hallway and I figured that it was my duty to put these ignoramus th* ists in their place. So I walked into the room and said straight to their faces "but God isn't real and neither is Heaven you normie th* ists. Heaven is a fairy tale made up by a book written 1,000 years ago in a desert by wannabe fantasy writers. Your sky daddy isn't real, and your baby isn't in Heaven because Heaven isn't real either. It's just all black for him like it was before he was convinced in your room. Go read 'the God delusion' by Richard Dawkins, maybe you'll grow a few brain cells." Everyone was shocked, the lady started crying and her parents and husband started yelling at me. The others were just speechless, their months agape. But I wasn't phased, it only made me proud becuase I know that when the th*ists are seething, I am right. So eventually someone must have reported me becuase a day after I got fired for "unprofessionalism and harassment". Ha! More like the simpleton folks cannot understand the intelligence of freethinkers like me, and get mad at those who tell the truth and reality check their delusion of their skydaddy. I didn't care tho. Geniuses are rarely recognized as such in their time. One day they'll look back in history and see that what I did there as well as all the other things I did were revolutionary! I can find a job with more intellectual employers anyway. I was proud to be fired for speaking the truth!
Either way, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to destroy some skydaddy cock sucking th*ests. Also an updoot on this post would very much be appreciated and wholesome.
Edit: I said UPDOOT, not DOWNDOOT! God, are you just as dumb as the th*ists now???
My husband is the moderator for a few different subreddits, and he genuinely thinks itās a job
my husband refuses to look for a job even though I think it would be good for him (And we could use the additional income), but he just says heās, āgot too much on his plate alreadyā.
That being monitoring these stupid subreddits. And Everytime I bring it up he claims what heās doing is unpaid labor similar to that of a homemaker. But he doesnāt clean or cook or do any of that the way he used to. He just monitors his stupid subreddits. I donāt know what to do.
Sometimes I want to leave him because I believe I may not be able to reach him.
my husband refuses to look for a job even though I think it would be good for him (And we could use the additional income), but he just says heās, āgot too much on his plate alreadyā.
That being monitoring these stupid subreddits. And Everytime I bring it up he claims what heās doing is unpaid labor similar to that of a homemaker. But he doesnāt clean or cook or do any of that the way he used to. He just monitors his stupid subreddits. I donāt know what to do.
Sometimes I want to leave him because I believe I may not be able to reach him.