"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux." The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long." With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.
I used to be a real ad
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He fills my butt with his Blood Thirster
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jeSUS
So, last Sunday my parents made me go to church ,which made me really mad because my parents don't let me play Among Us in church.
We took our seats and the priest was up front talking about "salvation" and "holiness" or whatever. Same thing as last week.
But then, he said something that really caught me off guard. He spoke of a man who goes by the name of "Jesus."
"Jesus."
"JeSUS."
No way. I could not believe what I was hearing.
Endorphins were rushing to my brain and my body began to shiver as I let out a quiet moan.
If you didn't catch on by now, the word "Jesus" has "SUS" in it, which is a reference to the popular video game "Among Us."
"WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I screamed louder than I ever have in my life. My words echoed throughout the room for five seconds before fading into complete silence.
Everyone was staring at me as I had a huge grin on my face, perfectly replicating the face from the "when the imposter is sus" meme (Google it if you don't know what it is.)
They all had this look on their faces as if I had just slaughtered 7,924 Afghanian children.
"Why do you all have that look on your faces? Did someone do a Fortnite dance?"
And there was still complete silence. I actually had to make sure I wasn't wearing my noise cancelling headphones that I always wear while playing Among Us. I could not believe that not one person in the room was dying of laughter!!
"Young man, please be quiet" said the priest.
He was literally the one who made the Among Us reference in the first place. What's his problem?
"THAT'S NOT VERY WHOLESOME!!!!!!!!!!"
This guy was definitely the imposter. There's no way he couldn't be.
I Naruto ran faster than anyone has ever Naruto ran before. Even Naruto himself would be proud of me.
As I was making my way up to the imposter, the security guard was chasing after me!
I had to think fast.
After being chased around the room for two minutes, I hastily undid my pants and peed in the security guard's eyes. As he was being blinded by my pee, he was stumbling around and bumped into the wall very hard.
A crucifix fell off the wall and impaled his stupid, ugly fat head. He fell and a pool of blood soon formed around him.
Everyone in the church was screaming and running out the door. I slammed my hand down on the crucifix, replicating the button you press in Among Us, which drove the crucifix further into his skull.
"EMERGENCY MEETING!!!!!!!!!!!"
No one laughed. They were too busy screaming to notice. Whatever.
I stripped completely naked and went up to the priest. I replicated the Big Chungus pose with 100% accuracy.
"You probably don't even use Reddit. That's not very keanu chungus wholesome 100 of you. Go subscribe to r/atheism."
The priest had a look of shock on his face when I said that. The kind of face one would make if they caught their beloved child playing Fortnite.
He held a cross in front of himself and started talking about "possession" and "demons." He obviously doesn't know how to play Among Us so naturally, I felt bad for him.
But he was still the imposter.
I grabbed him and threw him across the church, sending him crashing through the window and slammed against the street outside. A car ran over his head, causing his brain and skull fragments to splatter everywhere.
Then, I heard sirens and a helicopter flying around above the church. I went upstairs to the roof to check out what was going on.
"This is the police! Get down from the roof now or we will shoot!"
This guy is so sus, let me tell ya.
Obviously, I was not going to listen to an imposter so I was Naruto running around the roof. Bullets from the helicopter were raining down from above but none of them hit me since I was Naruto running so fast.
"Dammit, I can't hit him!"
I knew I had him beat then.
So, I pulled out my gun (I always keep a glock in my foreskin so I can pull the Among Us death animation when I lose my virginity because I know it makes girls horny.)
I shot at the helicopter and it started spinning out of control and crashed into the front of the church, causing a huge explosion.
The roof started sliding off from the building, which landed on the cop cars and killed 8 cops. This also flung me into the street and I broke my foot, which was very sus.
I limped all the way to the woods where I am now hiding and writing this. I will update as soon as I can but I need to get out of here soon because I can hear people looking for me.
Among Us / Amogus
Must be Weasel Tunneler
twitchquotes:
Great Fur Extremely Handsome Innovative Deathrattle High Level Tactics Moderately Sized Fedora Great Animations Broken Interactions Must be Weasel Tunneler
Great Fur Extremely Handsome Innovative Deathrattle High Level Tactics Moderately Sized Fedora Great Animations Broken Interactions Must be Weasel Tunneler
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Hearthstone
Riven is the perfect champion
twitchquotes:
Riven is the perfect champion. With every 3rd Q cast she flips upside down ahd shows her panties to the 300 million active incel League of Legends players. The voice acting when she casts her ult is perfect for fellow spergs in need of voice ASMR assistance during masturbation, and to top it all off, the toes of her feet are exposed for the maximum pleasure per second (p/s) of gameplay. One of the greatest champions by Riot Games so far next to Braum.
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