[Copypasta] I use Linux as my operating system

"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux." The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long." With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.
June 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Bag of bears

twitchquotes: ส•โ€ขแดฅโ€ขส” ส• อกยทแดฅ อกยท ส” ส•โ—•แดฅโ—•โœฟส” ส•เฒ แดฅเฒ ส” ส•โ€ขแดฅโ€ขส” ส• อกยทแดฅ อกยท ส” ส•โ—•แดฅโ—•โœฟส” ส•เฒ แดฅเฒ ส” Sorry, I dropped my bag of bears ส•โ€ขแดฅโ€ขส” ส• อกยทแดฅ อกยท ส” ส•โ—•แดฅโ—•โœฟส” ส•เฒ แดฅเฒ ส” ส•โ€ขแดฅโ€ขส” ส• อกยทแดฅ อกยท ส” ส•โ—•แดฅโ—•โœฟส” ส•เฒ แดฅเฒ ส”
twitch chat
October 2014
Trick2g

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021

ALERT INCOMING DANK MEME

twitchquotes: ๐Ÿ”Š๐Ÿ”Š๐Ÿšจ๐ŸšจWARNING๐Ÿ”Š๐Ÿšจ๐ŸšจWARNING๐Ÿšจ๐Ÿšจ๐Ÿ”ŠTHIS IS A ๐ŸธDANK ๐Ÿ‘ฝMEMEโ—โ— ๐ŸธALERT. INCOMING ๐ŸธDANK ๐Ÿ‘ฝMEME๐Ÿธ ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ŒHEADING STRAIGHT ๐Ÿš€๐Ÿš€YOUR WAY. ๐Ÿ”œ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿ‘†PLEASE TAKE ANY PRECAUTIONS๐Ÿšง๐Ÿšง NECESSARY TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THIS ๐ŸธDANK ๐Ÿ‘ฝMEMEโ—โ— ๐Ÿธ ๐ŸŒ‹๐ŸŒ‹๐ŸŒ‹ .BUCKLE UPโ™ฟโ™ฟโ™ฟ THEM SEATBELTS๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿ‘ฎ,PUT THEM CELLPHONES ON SILENT๐Ÿ“ต๐Ÿ“ต AND LOOSEN THAT ANUS๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ’ฉ CUZ THIS MEME JUST CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ๐Ÿšฌ๐Ÿšฌ ๐Ÿ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿ๐Ÿšฌ๐ŸšฌDANK FACTORY.
twitch chat
May 2016

Emoji Pasta

Classic

AITA for not showing up to my own funeral?

So I (74M) was recently hit by a car (2014 Honda) and died. My wife (5F) organized me a funeral (cost $2747) without asking me (74M) at all. I (74M) was unable to make it because I (74M) was dead (17 days). At the funeral I heard my dad (15M) and other family members talking about how they wish I could be there and now I feel bad for not showing up. AITA?
August 2021

AITA

This Disney DVD is enhanced with Disney's FastPlay

twitchquotes: ๐™๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐˜ฟ๐™ž๐™จ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฎ ๐˜ฟ๐™‘๐˜ฟ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™๐™–๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐˜ฟ๐™ž๐™จ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฎโ€™๐™จ ๐™๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™‹๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ. ๐™”๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ซ๐™ž๐™š ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™– ๐™จ๐™š๐™ก๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ค๐™› ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™ช๐™จ ๐™›๐™š๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ช๐™ง๐™š๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™—๐™š๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ข๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™˜๐™–๐™ก๐™ก๐™ฎ. ๐™๐™ค ๐™—๐™ฎ๐™ฅ๐™–๐™จ๐™จ ๐™๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™‹๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ, ๐™จ๐™š๐™ก๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ˆ๐™–๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ˆ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ช ๐™—๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™ฎ ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ข๐™š. ๐™๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™‹๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™—๐™š๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™– ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ข๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉโ€ฆ
twitch chat
May 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing