[Copypasta] bri'ish accent

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them. Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem. At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that! Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

August 2021

Classic

End Stream

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣤⣤⡀⣠⠀⠀⣠⣀⣤⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⢠⣿⡇⢀⣿⠀⣿⠀⢻⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠷⠶⠀⣼⠛⣧⣸⡇⢸⡏⠀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡏⠀⠀⢠⡟⠀⣿⣿⠀⣿⠁⣰⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠺⠷⠶⠂⠸⠃⠀⠘⠃⠘⠿⠞⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣤⣄⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣠⣤⣤⣀⠀⣠⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⣠⡄⠀⢀⡄⠀⠀⣠⡀ ⠀⢠⡟⠁⣿⠀⠀⣼⠁⠀⢠⡟⠈⣿⠂⣸⠇⠀⠀⠀⣰⢿⡇⠀⣼⣷⠀⣰⣿⠁ ⠀⠘⠷⣦⡀⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⣼⣧⡴⠏⢀⣿⠶⠶⠀⣰⠏⢸⡇⢠⡿⣿⣴⢿⡏⠀ ⢠⡆⠀⣼⠇⠀⣼⠃⠀⢠⡿⠸⣧⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⣰⠟⠛⣻⡇⣼⠇⠿⠃⣿⠁⠀ ⠈⠷⠾⠋⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠸⠃⠀⠿⠀⠿⠶⠶⠰⠟⠀⠀⠻⠀⠟⠀⠀⠘⠏⠀⠀

ascii art

May 2020

Happy Thanksgiving emoji

Happy 🦃 Thanksgiving 🦃! Guess what 😯❓it’s that time ⏰ of year 🗓 to gobble 🦃 gobble 🦃 gobble 🦃 up ⬆️ those dicks 🍆 chicks 🐥 and bicks 🤨 (big dicks) 🍆😫😫😫😫 I bet 😏 you’re all 😤😤😤 HORNY-copia 🌽 🥔🥕🌶🍆♋️👀👉👌 for SKANKS-giving 🤪😔🤤🤤😃😁😁 you’ll be saying 💬 thanks 🙏 for giving me all 😫 this 😫 COCK 🥳🥳🥳🥳 send this to 🔟 of your thiccest sluts with those hot 🥵 hot 🔥 tasty 🤤😋 peach pies 🥧 🍑 😏😏 if you know

what I mean ☺️😘😋 if you get 1️⃣ back 🙄🤬😡 then you and that slut 🤤🤤🤤😫😫😫 have to appropriate Native American culture together 😔🪶🏕 if you get 3️⃣ back 😈🤑 you’re going to get your turkey 🦃 eaten 😋😋😉😉😏 tomorrow night 😱😱😱😱 if you get 5️⃣ back 👀👀 you will be eating your cousin’s 👶🏻 peach 🍑 pie 🥧 just like you’ve always 💯💯💯wanted 😋🤤🥵 if you get 7️⃣ back 🛶 you’ll become 😲😲 a pilgrim 🎩👞 and be the villain 🦹‍♀️ of American 🇺🇸 history 📖📕📚 😔😔😔 if you get all 1️⃣0️⃣ back 🤯😱🤯😱🤯😱🤯 you’ll be feasting 🤤😏 this thanksgiving 👀👀 in more ways than one 😫😏👀🚼💘 okay you sexy 😇 sexy 😈 gobbling turkey poos 🦃🦃🦃 it’s time ⏰ for me to go ➡️ atone 🤣for the sins ✝️ 😔of my ancestors💀💀💀👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼🤰🏼🤱🏼👩‍👧🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

January 2024

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Thanksgiving

Gen G logo

⠄⠄⠄⣿⣶⣦⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣴⡶⠿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⣭⣍⠄⣿⣟⣛⣛⡂⢰⣶⣄⢸⣿⠄⠄⠄⣿⡇⠰⣶⣶⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣤⣼⣿⠄⣿⣏⣉⣉⡁⢸⣿⠙⠿⣿⢠⣤⠄⣿⣧⣤⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠙⠄⠄⠄⠃⠄⠄⠘⠄⠄⠄⠘⠃⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠃⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠄⠄⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣇⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⢿⠄⠄⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄

ascii art

July 2021

Dragon Rider

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▄▄██ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▄▄██████ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄██████████ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▀▀█████████ ░░░░░░░░░░░▄██▀░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░██████ ░░░░░░░░░▄▀▀░█░░▄██░░░░░░░░██▄▄░░░██████ ░░░░░░░▄█▀░▄█░▄█▀█░░░░░░░▄▀▄░██░░▄██████ ░░░░░░░▄█▀░▀▄█▀▄█▀░░░░░░░▀▄░░▀██▄███████ ░░░░░█▀░░░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░█▄▀▀█████████ ░░░░█░░░░░▄██░░▀▄░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░░░████████ ░░░█▀░░▄█▀██▄░░░░▀▄░░░░░▄▀░▄█▄░░░███████ ░░█░░░█████▀▀▀░░░░░▀░▄▄▀░▄████░░░███████ ░▄█░░░▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░▄█████▀░░░▄██████ ▄█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀█▄▀▀░▄▄▀░░▄▄▀███████ ▀░░░▄▄▄█░░░▄▄░░░░░░░░░░▄█▀░░▄▀▀░░░░░▀▀▀▀ ░░▄▀▀░░░░▄█▀░▀▀▀▀▄█▄░▄▄█▄▄░▀▀▄▄░░░░░░░░░ ▄▀░░░░▄█▀░░░░░░░░░██████████▄░▀▀███▄▄▄▄░ ░▄▄██▀░░░░░░░░▄████████████████░████████

ascii art

August 2018

[Copypasta] bri'ish accent

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

Classic

End Stream

Happy Thanksgiving emoji

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Thanksgiving

Gen G logo

Dragon Rider

Confirm Subscription