Let's say for a minute, that hypothetically, everyone was in fact kung fu fighting. Now statistically speaking of course, this is impossible. Now hypothetically if they were, hypothetically of course. Now, would they all be performing the same so called Kung Fu move? Statistically speaking that is highly unlikely. This would also, hypothetically, be quite dangerous if it were to actually occur. Coming from a medical official, my wife, who is a doctor, she says that hypothetically, this would be dangerous. So, logically, this would not happen. So in fact, there is no way, impossible even, that everybody was Kung Fu Fighting.
I used to be a real ad
More Ben Shapiro Copypastas
Obi Wan Shapiro
Okay, so letâs say hypothetically, these werenât the droids youâre looking for. You see, the droids youâre looking for have the Death Star plans, correct? However, as those droid are close minded liberals, and these droids are free thinking informed conservatives, these would not be the droids youâre looking for. Now, if you were to assume that these droids are the droids youâre looking for because they are a protocol droid and an astromech, then that would actually make you the real racists, as you would assume that all astromech droids have the death star plans. So if this were true, these arenât the droid youâre looking for.
Ben Shapiro
A young Ben Shapiro insults his classmate
Let's say, hypothetically, your mom was wearing a yellow raincoat. Now, also in this scenario, there is a man needing to get home. When he sees your mom, he will yell "taxi, taxi!". Now, why does he do this? The answer is actually quite simple. Your mom is so fat she is the size of a taxi, and the yellow raincoat she is theoretically wearing is the same color as a taxi. Therefore, the man mistakes her for a taxi. So, what has this hypothetical scenario shown us? It has shown us that your mom is very, very, fat. Boom! Once again destroyed with facts and logic.
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro ordering pizza
Hello, is this Pizza Hut?
Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. Andâlook, itâs just a factâI would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not.
Now letâs discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from âYou racist creepâ or âIs that your real voice?â to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded âtoilet swirly.â However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah.
Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this âOur pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-polyââno. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. Itâs that simple. Itâs been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty âFuh!â by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet.
Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyderâs classic film â300,â I will kick you.
Onions, peppersâno, thank you. If I wanted veggies, Iâd go to a salad bar. Iâm not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named PâZoneâwhen I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style.
And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. Iâm fucking starving.
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro asks a girl out to prom
Ok, so l-let's say, hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, that, perhaps, I, Ben, was to ask you, Stacy, to the prom, right now. Now let me ask you, in that situation, would it not be in your best interest to say yes? I mean the answer is obvious, right? Now let's suppose, that in fact, I was doing so right now, in this room. Now, hypothetically, what would your response be?
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro owns another Libtard
Are you a left or right wing?!â, the dark ominous figure booms.
I know itâs over.
âI-Iâm a d-democrââ
Instantly I lose all bodily functions. I collapse to the floor, screaming in agony, spasming.
The great Ben Shapiro stands over my lifeless body.
âLibtard has been owned.â