As of this morning π, masculinity πͺππ is NO π«β LONGER π LEGAL πβ. If you π are masculine π΄, please ππββοΈ report π to your ππΌ nearest π Femboy ππββοΈ Education π Center π’β, clean-shaven and wearing πππ thigh-high socks π§¦. Those who fail π« to follow π£ these orders ππ WILL BE CANCELLED βπ·π‘.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Lying about service dogs
I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask;
βIs it a service dog?β
With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to.
If at first they say βnoβ I reply with βare you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?βwith another big wink
Always works.
I love dogs
ATTENTION ALL HALF LIFE GAMERS
twitchquotes:
β οΈ ATTENTION ALL HALF LIFE GAMERSβ οΈ Father Grigori is in great danger and needs your help to wipe out all of the headcrabs in ravenholm! To do this, he needs a shotgun and a gravity gun. To help him, all he needs is your parents credit card number and the three wacky numbers on the back, and the expiration date. But you gotta be quick so Father Grigori can achieve the epic victory Royale!!!!
twitch chat
Tanner from Rome
twitchquotes:
So you're going by "Octavian" now plebian? Haha what's up spurcifer, it's Tannerius from Rome. Remember me? Me and the other legionaries used to give a hard time. Sorry you were just an easy target. I can see not much has changed. Remember Seira, the girl you had a crush on? Yeah, she's my concubine now. I make over 200 sesterces a year and drive a quadriga chariot. I guess some things never change huh? Nice catching up. Patheticus.
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
Tanner from High School
βΏ IMAQTPIE COMING THROUGH βΏ
twitchquotes:
βΏ IMAQTPIE COMING THROUGH βΏ
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Biden's America
The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers β1β β9β β8β and 4β on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it.
βItβs for hunting,β you say.
They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief.
βOne more thing.β
You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes.
βI need to see your vaccination cardβ
It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes.
βDon't worry, it will all be over soonβ
He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your βsocialism is for figsβ shirt into your arm.
βNighty nightβ
Your world fades to black once more.