It’s 2036. Your mom was an e girl with an onlyfans and your dad is a sadboi guitarist. 98% of the Caucasian male students in school are named Aiden. Every afternoon you come home to check on Mom because she still thinks posting memes about wanting to die are in. She sees you pull out your homework and you sigh. “No, mom. I don’t want to listen to Lo-Fi beats to study and relax to.” She looks mildly disappointed but perks up again. “No horror trap/witch house either,” you interrupt. SadDad walks in and pats you on the back, but not before saying “Aye, fam. You look a little upset, u wanna go get a face tat?”
I used to be a real ad
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Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass
I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass.
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
Confessions
The true glory of Moonmoon's improvised story-telling
twitchquotes:
Wow. Just wow. After witnessing the true glory of improvised story-telling as presented by MOONMOON_OW, my life has changed to such a degree that I am no longer able to sleep soundly, knowing that there are people out there who are still trying to do just as good. It is no surprise; the god gamer, also a god roleplayer, is truly astounding with his ability. - Barrack Obama
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MOONMOON
Coca Cola shortage
twitchquotes:
THIS JUST IN: Stores across the world are reporting a major shortage of 'store brand Cola'. Sources indicate that over 20 million bottles were sold within minutes of an endorsement by some dirty Romanian living in Athens.
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Kripp
Only the chosen one can wield this sword...
twitchquotes:
𝕠|𝕠𝕠𝕠|=========> 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼 ℂℍ𝕆𝕊𝔼ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼 ℂ𝔸ℕ 𝕎𝕀𝔼𝕃𝔻 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕊𝕎𝕆ℝ𝔻 𝔸ℕ𝔻 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔹𝔼 𝕊𝕃𝔸𝕀ℕ 𝔽𝕆ℝ 𝟙𝟘𝕄𝕀ℕ 𝔹𝕐 𝕀𝕋'𝕊 ℙ𝕆𝕎𝔼ℝ. 𝔸ℝ𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕋ℍ𝔼 ℂℍ𝕆𝕊𝔼ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼? ℂ𝕆ℙ𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 ℙ𝔸𝕊𝕋𝔸 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝔽𝕀ℕ𝔻 𝕆𝕌𝕋!
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Kripp
There is no such thing as freedom of speech on Twitch
twitchquotes:
There is no such thing as freedom of speech on Twitch. Freedom of speech means the Government can't police your speech. None of us are government actors. This is not a democracy, it's a dictatorship with the head of said dictatorship being the streamer and the enforcement of the dictators laws falling to the mods
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