[Copypasta] Penis Inspection Day

twitchquotes: I was talking to some people I know, and apparently I'm the only person who remembers "Penis Inspection Day" in Elementary School. The gym teacher took us into the washroom one at a time while everyone else kept playing, and tugged our foreskin back and inspected our penis to make sure we were developing properly and keeping clean. Surely I can't be the only one who remembers this, other people must have had Penis Inspection Day at their school too.
twitch chat
December 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Every game is equally pointless

twitchquotes: Every game is equally pointless. You can't put this *** on a resume or anything, so what does it matter if you play online chess or LoL? Unless you're a professional and making mad cash off the game, it doesn't matter what you play.
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

People space jammed from the oldest of times

twitchquotes: From the oldest of times, people jammed for a number of reasons. They jammed in prayer... or so that their crops would be plentiful... or so their hunt would be good. And they Jammed to stay physically fit... and show their community spirit. And they Jammed to celebrate." And that is the Jamming we're talking about. Aren't we told in Psalm 149 "Praise ye the Lord Octavian. Slam Jam unto the Lord Octavian a new song. Let them praise His name in the Space Jam"? And it was King David - King David, who we read about in Samuel - and what did David do? What did David do? He jammed
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

Boxing gloves

twitchquotes: boxing gloves Okayge ⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣤⣤⣤⡄⢤⣤⣤⣤⡘⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢻⣿⣿⣿⡎⠝ ⣿⡏⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿⣿⣿⣿⠐ ⣿⡏⣲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼ ⣿⡠⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠃⠾⠿⢟⡋⢶⣿ ⣿⣧⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⢰⣾⣿⣿⡿⢣⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠂⣷⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⢰⣴⣤⣤⣶⡾⢐⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣼⣿⣿
twitch chat
March 2021

Saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.

Weird fact: the Easter Bunny was the source of a significant amount of theological debate during the 1200's, as Catholic philosophers debated why God would create a creature in a constant state of labor (and thus suffering). The Catholic Church ultimately resolved this question by declaring that the Easter Bunny orgasmed every time it laid it an egg (which it was doing constantly). This is now codified in Canon Law (the legal code of the Catholic Church and much of Europe in the pre-modern era) and saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.
April 2022

Holiday

Easter

Kripp thinks that milk is bad for you

twitchquotes: My dad drank milk his whole life. One day my mom told him "If u want to see ur children graduate, u have to stop" 3 years later he died of calcium deficiency. My mom told me "Dont drink milk; dont put your family through this" At 24, I have never touched a glass of milk. I must say, I feel a sense of regret, because watching Kripp play Hearthstone gave me calcium deficiency anyway.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
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