[Copypasta] Meet the Engineer TF2

twitchquotes: Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
twitch chat
June 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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nooooooooo emote

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July 2021

Section 420.69 of the dank meme tribunal

twitchquotes: (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง I’m sorry, that copypastarino is illegal in chat use as dictated by section 420.69 of the dank meme tribunal. Those in violation of section 420.69 are subject to immediate donger removal. Thank you for your cooperation. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
twitch chat
May 2015
Reynad

Menacing

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January 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Lord Microsoft

10:43 PM, Microsoft Tower, Washington. A figure stands in shadow, red lights from the theistic ceiling flood the spacious hall. Along the sides, hallmark pieces of technology are proudly displayed on golden pedestals. The Xbox, Windows, Hololens; At the center of it all, the vaccine. "Microsoft Microbe Covid-19" the label on the syringe reads. A glowing substance can be seen sitting still inside. Monitors flicker to life at the end of the hall, each one showing the point of view of an innocent civilian. The light draws a silhouette of a man. His body, frail. His skin is leathery and rugged. Breathing apparatus cover his face, a cold green mist slowly spewing out. The grand door opens, humanoids armed with weapons drag an unkempt and furious man towards the being in shadow. They throw him to the floor, spit slathering the ground. "This is the last one?" the figure asks. "Yes, Lord Microsoft. all 4,607,423,673 other citizens have been accounted for." The rugged man looks upwards, his face bloodied and bruised. His eyes meet Lord Microsoft's. Puffed from tears, his eyes can only show one emotion: anger. "Bill Gates, you piece of shit. I swore to Samantha that if I ever-" "Silence, creature!" Lord Microsoft slaps him with the back of his hand. "I am lord Microsoft, and you will refer to me as such!" The guards grab the man, hoisting him up. "Now, let us delay no further. It has taken me years to get to this point, and I will not have my victory denied!" Lord Microsoft grabs the vaccine and primes it for injection. "Such a small thing, isn't it? Yet, it has afforded me the right to dominate all life on Earth. Covid was a blessing, not a curse." The man's eyes widened, he screams in retaliation, but the guards shut his mouth with force. Lord Microsoft pierces his flesh with the needle. A flourescent orange liquid can be seen coursing through his veins. He falls to the floor, his muscles tightening and constricting in unnatural fashion. His eyes bulge from his skull and he shouts in pain. He slumps over, and in only a moment he comes back to his feet. His pupils dilated and his skin, pale. "How may I serve you, my lord."
August 2021

COVID

Coronavirus

your streams lately have really helped me

twitchquotes: hey [streamer], your streams lately have really helped me with my depression, bleakness, dejection, distress, sorrow, my car trouble, my 401k, my grades, my slimp dick, my underperforming AMD driver, the armenian genocide, the galloping campaign, the war in the vietnamese, oh god they are in the trees, the battle of antietam, the housing crisis of 2008, the bankruptcy of greece in 2015, the explosion of chernobyl, my late grandma denise
twitch chat
December 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing