[Copypasta] Shane Dawson tweet - i didnt fuck my cat

i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
March 2019

Classic

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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It was a real life gamer girl

So the other day, I was playing rainbow six siege, and I heard one of my teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, I kid you not, I just stopped playing and pulled my dick out. “fuck, Fuck!” I was yelling in voice chat. I just wanted to hear her voice again. “Please,” I moaned. But she left the lobby. I was crying and covered in my own cum, but I remembered that I could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. I frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out she had TTV IN HER NAME!!! She was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so I made the first move and donated my months rent to her. I was already about to pre. She read my donation in the chat. God this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I did a little research, and found out where she goes to school, but I am a little nervous to talk to her in person, and need support. Any advice before my Uber gets to her middle school?
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Imagine spamming chat

twitchquotes: Imagine going to an online chat and spamming it with brainless text for no reason.
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I'm done with this chat

twitchquotes: That's it, I'm done. *** this chat. It's devolved into a mass of retarded copy pastes and face spam. The quality of twitch chat has been declining for a while, but this is the last straw. That's it. I'm done. I'm uninstalling the internet, chopping off my dick and moving to *** Antarctica, at least the bacteria there will be *** smarter discourse.
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CTRL+C CTRL+V ENTER

twitchquotes: You idly watching the stream, mindlessly wasting yet another evening. You notice 4+ length message in the chat. Grabbing the mouse, hovering over, scrolling up. Reading the message and realizing the pasta has no meaning at all. CTRL+C CTRL+V ENTER. You are retarded.
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I have to print out chat in order to read it

twitchquotes: Hey guys, my monitor isn't working. I have to print out chat in order to read it. The paper and ink are really expensive, so please don't spam! Thank you.
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Text-to-Speech Playing