[Copypasta] KKona boy I was at that darn there

twitchquotes: KKona boy I was at that darn there hootenanny shindig gitten down on some damn there squaredancin, when a fine belle asked me for a dance. Couldn't see nuthin, the damn barn dint have no damn light fixtures. But I knew she was prettier than fresh cooked stew from mama. Boy I tell you, I said yes faster than a one legged gator on a tractor boy I tell you. Once we had a darn tootin time in that darn there doe-see-doe, i took er out 'hind the hay bales. Mmm boi I tooker pants off faster than a hot knife through butter yessir. Lets just say i gave er the ol' Tennessee One Two. We both laid down right there on the spot mmmmboy. Held er nice an tight til mornin light. Opened my eyes and I couldnt believe what I saw! It was my damn sister the whole darn time. I aint opposed to it KKona
twitch chat
October 2018
I used to be a real ad
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April 2017

Pokemon

AMOGUS (youtube video) v3

β €β €β €β €- β£ β €β –β šβ ›β ‰β ›β ’β ’β ¦β’€ β €β €β €β €β£ β žβ β €β €β  β ’β ‚β €β €β €β €β €β ‰β ³β‘„ β €β €β €β’Έβ ‡β €β €β €β’€β‘„β €β’€β£€β£€β‘€β’€β£€β£€β£€β£Ήβ‘„ β €β €β €β ˜β’§β €β €β €β €β£™β£’β šβ ›β ‹β β‘ˆβ “β ΄β’Ώβ‘Ώβ  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠒⠀⒀⠛⠻⠿⠿⣖⣒⣁⠀⠒⠋ β €β €β €β €β €β’€β£€β£€β Όβ €β ˆβ£»β ‹β ‰β  β €β €β €β‘΄β šβ ‰β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ €β β’¦ ⠀⠀⣸⠃⠀⑴⠋⠉⠀⒄⣀⠀⒴⠄⠀⑇ ⠀⒀⑏⠀⠀⠹⠢⒀⑔⠉⠀⠀⣼⠀⠀⑇ β €β£Όβ β €β ™β ¦β£„β‘€β£€β‘€β Άβ£‰β£β£€β ˜ β’€β‘Ÿβ €β €β €β €β €β β €β €β €β €β£½ β’Έβ ‡β €β €β €β’€β‘€β ¦β’€β‘„β €β €β‘Ÿ Ⓒ⠀⠀⠀⠀⑾⠀⠀⠀⑿⠀⠀⣇⣀⣀ β’Έβ €β €β ˆβ ‰β “β’¦β‘€β’°β£‡β‘€β €β ‰β €β €β£‰β ‡ β ˆβ “β ’β ’β €β β šβ ƒβ €β ˆβ ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β 
December 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Think about your actions

twitchquotes: I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 179,776 readers, I am not receiving 179,776 upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
September 2018

Classic

Ben Shapiro ordering pizza

Hello, is this Pizza Hut? Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. Andβ€”look, it’s just a factβ€”I would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not. Now let’s discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from β€œYou racist creep” or β€œIs that your real voice?” to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded β€œtoilet swirly.” However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah. Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this β€œOur pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-poly”—no. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. It’s that simple. It’s been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty β€œFuh!” by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet. Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyder’s classic film β€œ300,” I will kick you. Onions, peppersβ€”no, thank you. If I wanted veggies, I’d go to a salad bar. I’m not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named P’Zoneβ€”when I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style. And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. I’m fucking starving.
August 2021

Ben Shapiro

It can only be described as a Twisting Nether

twitchquotes: I gasp in horror as Kripp pulls out his "huge gun". It can only be described as a Twisting Nether. He says "I got lethal now ". Then he topdecks Blizzard and frosts my face. I groan as he grabs my package and whispers "No sniperinos on my stream..." Then he continues to Gorehowl me.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

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