[Copypasta] Flex Tape

twitchquotes: To show you the power of Flex Tape, I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF and repaired it with only Flex Tape. Not only does Flex Tape's powerful adhesive hold the boat together, but it creates a super strong, water-tight seal so the inside is completely dry. YEE DOGGIE! Just cut, peel, stick, and seal. Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Tape!
twitch chat
August 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Ameng be thy name

twitchquotes: Our father who rolls in heaven, Ameng be thy name. thy goats may come, thy will be shattered, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily cheese, and forgive us our throwing, as we forgive those who throw against us, and lead us not into Mayhem, but deliver us from Justice.
twitch chat
May 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face

twitchquotes: I woke up this morning ready to play some LoL. I went to the toilet and did my business like every day before making some green tea. I sat at my PC ready to play but then I had the thought: maybe I should check what's on Twitch. That was 8 hours ago and now I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face.
twitch chat
May 2020
Sneaky

You have been gifted a subscription.

twitchquotes: ———————————————————————— TwitchVotes You have been gifted a subscription. Type !claim to activate————————————————————————
twitch chat
August 2018

Classic

Walk down isle to Space Jam and merry Hafu

twitchquotes: Hello kripp, I am psychic peter pasterino who can predict the futurino. I have mind visioned that in 5 years you will walk down the isle to Space Jam and topkiss your bride, Hafu. There were many Well Mets and toasts with OJ. If you wish for this to come true, though, you must proclaim your true love for her soon before it is too laterino.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing