[Copypasta] NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN

twitchquotes: To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!
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July 2018
I used to be a real ad
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Bush outdated, Obama overrated, Hillary eliminated

twitchquotes: Jebaited BUSH OUTDATED Jebaited OBAMA OVERRATED Jebaited HILLARY ELIMINATED Jebaited TRUMP CONGRATULATED Jebaited LONG HAVE WE WAITED Jebaited NOW WE EMIGRATED Jebaited
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November 2016

2016 US Election

I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom when they thought we were asleep. I'd hear my mother excitedly talking about how much she enjoyed cocks as they jumped around on the bed. What surprised me though was, when we went to Spain she mentioned how cruel she thought bullfighting was. I never confronted her about the hypocrisy though.
October 2021

Surprised Shrek

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠫⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣩⡍⣙⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿ ⣿⠤⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⢛⣧⣿⠇⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣾⣿⢟⣼⠒⢲⡔⣺⣿⣧⠄⠄⣠⠤⢤⡀⠄⠟⠉⣠⣤⣤⣤⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣀⣬⣵⣿⣿⣿⣶⡤⠙⠄⠘⠃⠄⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢻⠿⢿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠄⠂⠉⠒⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣡⣷⣶⣤⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣰⠄⠄⠄⠄⢾⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠋⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠑⠄⠄⠐⡇⠄⠈⠙⠛⠋ ⠋⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠄⢠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣧⣬⣿⣤⣐⣂⣄⣀⣠⡴⠖⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠈⠈⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣉⡉⠉⠈⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡤⠈⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠔⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⡈⢿⣷⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣷⡦⢤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⣠⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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May 2019

Shrek

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