[Copypasta] Dicks are so cute omg

twitchquotes: Dicks are so cute omg(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) when you hold one in your hand and it starts twitching its like its nuzzling you(/ω＼) or when they perk up and look at you like" owo nya? :3c" hehe ~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!（＾ワ＾)
twitch chat
March 2018

Classic

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Based? Based on what?

Based? Based on what? In your dick? Please shut the fuck up and use words properly you fuckin troglodyte, do you think God gave us a freedom of speech just to spew random words that have no meaning that doesn't even correllate to the topic of the conversation? Like please you always complain about why no one talks to you or no one expresses their opinions on you because you're always spewing random shit like poggers based cringe and when you try to explain what it is and you just say that it's funny like what? What the fuck is funny about that do you think you'll just become a stand-up comedian that will get a standing ovation just because you said "cum" in the stage? HELL NO YOU FUCKIN IDIOT, so please shut the fuck up and use words properly
December 2020

Classic

Based

Think about your actions

twitchquotes: I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 179,776 readers, I am not receiving 179,776 upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
September 2018

Classic

Not funny I didn't laugh

Not funny I didn't laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt
September 2019

Classic

Fuck You Chat

⠄⢸⣿⡟⠛⠛⠃⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⣼⣿⠟⠻⣿⣆⠄⣿⣿⢠⣾⣿⠋⠄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⣷⣶⣶⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣧⣀⣰⣿⡇⠄⢿⣿⣀⣠⣿⡶⠄⣿⣿⠃⢹⣿⣆⠄⠄ ⠄⠘⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⠛⠛⠋⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠄⠛⠛⠄⠄⠛⠛⠃⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⡄⠄⠄⣤⣤⠄⢀⣠⣤⣄⡀⠄⢠⣤⡄⠄⠄⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣄⣼⣿⠃⣰⣿⠟⠛⢿⣿⡄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⡿⠁⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠄⠹⣿⣦⣤⣼⣿⠃⠄⣿⣷⣤⣴⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠋⠁⠄⠄⠈⠙⠛⠛⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣤⣄⡀⠄⣤⣤⠄⠄⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⣤⣤⡄⠄⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣾⣿⠋⠙⠿⠗⠄⣿⣿⣀⣀⣿⣿⠄⠄⣸⣿⢿⣷⠄⠛⠛⣿⣿⠛⠛⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⠄⢠⣿⣏⣸⣿⡆⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠻⣿⣦⣴⣿⡟⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⣼⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡀⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠉⠉⠄⠄⠉⠉⠄⠉⠉⠄⠄⠈⠉⠁⠄⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
June 2019

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from shit I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.
July 2022

Classic

Confessions

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