Cashier was at home until someone came to the door. He opened the door and a very cute girl selling girl scout cookies was there. "Do you want any cookies sir?", she asked him. Cashier asked, "is there any other way I could pay?"
THEY FUCK
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce
gf is prego
we like to get kinky anyways
one night things get particularly saucy
i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights
wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period
i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering
ohshitohshitohshitohshit
i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital
she's still bleeding everywhere
by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent
oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state
storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything
he takes one look at ther and says
"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"
"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"
"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
Classic
CmonBruh bruh
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠘⠛⠂⠄⠄⠉⠙⢻⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⣿
⣿⣿⡟⣩⣄⠄⠄⠛⠷⠄⠄⢀⣾⠗⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣄⣙⠻⣿⡿⠿⠃⢀⣼⣿
⣿⡿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣷⡴⢄⣤⣶⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣶⣶⡄⠉⠉⠙⢿⡆⢀⣾⣿⣿
⣿⠃⠸⠿⠿⠛⠛⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠻⣶⣼⣶⣦⣤⣄⡀⢀⣀⡺⠋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡟⠄⠄⠄⠤⠾⠄⠄⣈⣛⠋⠉⠹⠆⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⢸⡟⢛⣿⣿⣿
⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠶⢤⣴⣿⣉⡁⠄⢤⣾⣿⣿⢿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⠄⠄⠙⠿⣿⣶⣬⣍⣉⠛⠲⠄⠈⠉⠁⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡏⠀⠰⠛⠻⢿⣿⠿⠿⠟⡿⠿⢿⣿⠿⠿⣿⠃⠀⠟⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⠀⠀⣴⡄⠀⠘⡇⠀⣤⣤⡇⠀⣼⣿⠀⢠⡏⠀⢠⣦⠀⠀⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡿⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⡼⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⢸⠁⠀⣼⡏⠀⢠⡟⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣶⣶⣿⣷⣶⣾⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
Emote
How traders politely decline the second date
I discovered recently if I am on a date and I’m not that interested in a second, all I need to do is start talking about my stocks. They won’t ask for another one then, I won’t have to politely decline.
WallStreetBets
Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto
twitchquotes:
Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto and I am begging you to stop drinking so much OJ. Since you became popular on the Twitch our sales have decreased by over 69% because Canadians want to be like you. For *** sake please drink some apple juice! If you continue drinking OJ, I wont be able to feed my family anymore
twitch chat
Kripp
Reynad was getting ready for his first HTC cast
twitchquotes:
Reynad was getting ready for his first HTC cast. His palms were sweaty. Frodan sits next to him, "are you nervous Andrey?" Reynad wipes away his tears and says, "not anymore". They both smile and place their hands on each other's crotch under the desk. Reynad closes his eyes. 
twitch chat
Reynad