[Copypasta] Fuck you all, I’m never listening to this sub again.

Yesterday I said we’d see a rally like we’ve never seen before I was ridiculed and the market went down this morning so I accepted defeat and sold my nvda calls and got tesla puts. My account is down bad right now. I also hedged with a tesla call so hopefully I’ll make something. Somehow oil also tanked. Fuck you all. I’m only listening to myself now. You’re all retarded and so am I for listening to you. Edit: not sure why some of you degens think I’m blaming you. Of course it’s my fault. This is a shitpost update. Stop taking it so seriously you retards See you tomorrow
March 2022

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/t9mm8e/fuck_you_all_im_never_listening_to_this_sub_again/
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Stonks only go up. But you don't.

You watch her as she brushes her hair. She’s humming a song you can’t quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you. She turns. “What do you want for Christmas?” You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. “Nothing, really.” “Nothing?” She crawls into bed and touches your leg. “Are you sure?” Again, you wonder why this person chose you. As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. They’ll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, “What’s wrong?” Stonks only go up. But you don’t.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Stock space rocket

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　  　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 .　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　    　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ☀️ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　    　      　　　　　        　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦    　　　,　　　　　　　　　　[stock ticker]🚀 　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　           　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　 　   　　　　,　　　　　　 　　　　       　    　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　  　　    　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　   　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　         　        　　　　 　　 　 　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　    　　. 　 　　　　　.　　　　 🌑 　　　　　   　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　   　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 . 　　 　 🌎 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
ascii art
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

I want JPow to use his full range of tools on me 😫

I want JPow to use his full range of tools on me 😫
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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