About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
I used to be a real ad
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I sexually Identify as McCree
twitchquotes:
I sexually Identify as McCree. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of walking slowly on the battlefield announcing it's mid day. People say that being a McCree is Impossible but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a cowboyhat, revolver and High Noon memes on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Jesse McCree" and respect my right to announce it's mid day. If you can’t accept me you’re a HighNoonaphope and need to check your gunslinger privileges.
twitch chat
Overwatch
I sexually Identify as
Yearly dongers supply
twitchquotes:
ヽ ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ Did you know: Most dongers—78 percent of the yearly dongers supply—is made into fedoras. Other industries, mostly electronics, medical, and dental, require about 12 percent. The remaining 10 percent of the yearly dongers supply is used in financial transactions. ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Crying laughing emoji COCK yep
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡟⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⢻⣿⣿
⣿⡟⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿
⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿
⡇⢸⣿⣿⠋⣠⡾⠿⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠻⢷⣄⠙⣿⣿⡇⢸
⡇⢸⣿⣿⣾⣿⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⣿⣷⣾⣿⡇⢸
⡇⠸⠟⣫⣥⣶⣧⠹⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠏⣼⣶⣬⣍⠻⠇⢸
⡧⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢼
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠈⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠋⠁⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸
⣿⣌⡻⠿⠿⢋⣴⣦⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⢀⣴⣦⡙⠿⠿⢟⣡⣾
⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⡿⠋⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣉⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣌⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣡⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢠⣶⠿⠿⣷⡄⠈⣠⣶⠿⢿⣶⡄⠉⣡⣶⠿⠿⣶⡄⠄⣿⡇⢀⣾⡿⠃
⣿⣏⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⡇⢀⠄⣿⣿⠄⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀
⠹⣿⣄⣠⣶⡆⠄⢿⣷⣀⣠⣿⡟⠄⢻⣷⣄⣠⣶⠆⠄⣿⡏⠈⢿⣷ YEP
Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth
twitchquotes:
High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need."
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
salty
I hate you
Mark, let me tell you something. Pay close attention to the text that I am about to write.
An average human body has about 38 trillion cells. In each of these cells there is a spiral helix of DNA that, if stretched to its maximum, is about two meters long. DNA is one of the densest stores of information on the planet: a single gram of DNA stores about 700 terabytes of information. If we stretched out the 76 trillion meters of DNA in my body and recorded, character by character, the word "Hate" over and over and over again, this pile of information could not store the tiniest fraction of a trillionth of the hatred that I feel for you right now. Every drop of blood in my body cries out for your death. My very soul writhes in disgust. Your mere existence is a blasphemy and an affront to every possible virtue and quality that any rational being can possess. You are a deception to Satan himself.