About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
I used to be a real ad
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TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
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pepegaClown
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Pepe
I sexually Identify as Kripp
twitchquotes:
I sexually identify as Kripp. Ever since i was a boy , I dreamed about playing kid's card game while complaining about RNG for a living. People say that being kripp isn't possible I'm ****** Retarded , but I don't care ,I'm beatiful. I'm having a crappy computer setup installed in my house , along with marrying a woman I can force to do all my cooking so I can complain twice as efficiently , If you don't accept me you're a Krippophobe and need to check your Krippileges
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
I sexually Identify as
Kripp is MY MAN
twitchquotes:
Ｄｅａｒ Ｋｒｉｐｐ＇ｓ Ｇａｙ Ｇｒｅｅｋ Ｂｏｙｆｒｉｅｎｄ， ｙｏｕ ｐｉｅｃｅ ｏｆ ｅｌ ｄｏｇ ｓｈｉｔｅｒｉｎｏ． Ｔｈｅ Ｋｒｉｐｐ ｉｓ ＭＹ ＭＡＮ． Ａｎｄ ｙｏｕ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ ｂａｃｋ ｔｈｅ ｆｕｃｋ ｏｆｆ． Ｐｌｚ ｎｏ ｃｏｐｙ ｐａｓｔｅｒｉｎｏ ａｌ ｐａｃｉｎｏ ｐｉｓｔａｃｈｉｏ
twitch chat
Kripp
All men are trash 🤗🥰😣
heyyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know that I agree. although I myself am a man, (i know, ugh) i am on your side. “one of the good ones” as some may say. btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they’re awesome