[Copypasta] what do you say when you come? murk durgle

About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist. I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out" Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
January 2022
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Among Us in Real Life Full Lyrics

Among Us in real life (sus, sus) Among Us in real life (sus, sus) Playing Among Us in real life, spaceship with my crew Gonna split up, spread out 'cause we all got tasks to do Gotta find the imposter as they try to sabotage Who can we trust in this Among Us entourage? Heard a sound, turned around, looking up, looking down Then I find a dead body Gotta blow the horn, emergency discussion, who should we believe? Can't decide, so, now we leave, not sure what I'm about to see Will it be a dead body? Still have a task I must complete Who's the impostеr? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can wе trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? I'm a ghost, I'm my biggest fear, got killed by the imposter I was playing in the game, but now I'm just a watcher I'm paying attention using my 360 vision If it gets quiet, I listen Make sure there's nothing I'm missing Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? It wasn't me (or me) It definitely wasn't me No one can be trusted because someone is lying We still have tasks to do, so, let's split up so we can win Everyone is sus so let this last round begin There's an imposter among us Trying to take something from us We're still over here working While she's just ghosting above us Someone's under suspicion Sabotaging our mission Doing my task in the kitchen Until I stop, look, and listen Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? Who's the imposter? Looking sus, who can we trust? I'm the I-M-P-O-S-T-E-R, that's me While everyone's doing tasks, I'm going through vents on a killing spree Yeah, I'm sus in Among Us We can discuss whoever took your life But if you think you're running this game, oh-yeah That's me holding this knife I'm the imposter Looking sus, who can we trust? I'm the imposter Looking sus, who can we trust? I'm the imposter Looking sus, who can we trust? I'm the imposter
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

GME bank consultation

Short story-time for amusement reasons only: some days ago, I went to my bank (Austria). I am the owner of quite a number of GME shares and my broker app is actually just the bank-intern bond trading app, where I need to pay transactional feed everytime I buy (what is sell?) GME shares. I informed myself about the reasoning of those transactional fees beforehand and found out that by paying them, I have the right of consultation by my bank about the shares they‘re trading/I‘m buying. So, I went to the main national building of my bank, they were really friendly at the beginning, enthustiatically, I mentioned GME to them and that I wish for professional consultation about the financial details involved with that stock (I am not a financial guy, actually, I don‘t exactly know what‘s going on, it‘s all pretty crazy to me). Suddenly, their posture and mimick changed pretty suddenly. I was told, they are not allowed to consult about GME. To my question, why this was the case, they told me, because GME is „too irrelevant for the big stock market“. They are „aware of the past short squeeze, but one should no longer focus on GME“. They acted as if GME was some „childish financial playground“ that should be forgotten about. When I confronted them with the huge recent naked short attacks and if they could explain to me possible effects of them if they were not covered, they just repeated themselves how „GME is not relevant, please focus on stocks like Apple or Amazon to be safe“. I left the bank, buying more GME shares.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

That's not his knee

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that's not his knee ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

The Godfather

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⡀⢀⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠁⠈⠄⠂⠄⡀⠄⠄⡀⢀⠄⢀⠄⢀⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠂⠁⠈⡀⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⡀⠁⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⡀⠄⠄⠁⢀⢁⠄⡀⠠⠄⠁⡈⢀⠈⢀⠠⠄⢀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠂⠄⡠⣲⢧⣳⡳⡯⣟⣼⢽⣺⣜⡵⣝⢜⢔⠔⡅⢂⠄⠄⠁⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠈⠄⢀⡇⡯⡺⢵⣳⢿⣻⣟⣿⣿⣽⢾⣝⢮⡳⣣⢣⠣⡃⢅⠂⠐⠈⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠐⢀⠇⡪⡸⡸⣝⣾⣻⣯⣿⣿⡿⣟⣿⡽⣗⡯⣞⢜⢌⠢⡡⢈⠈⠄⠁⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠈⠆⠕⢔⠡⣓⣕⢷⣻⣽⣝⢷⣻⣻⣝⢯⢿⠹⠸⡑⡅⠕⠠⠠⠄⠅⠄⠂⠄⠂⠈⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠡⡑⢍⠌⡊⢢⢢⢱⠼⣺⢿⢝⠮⢪⣪⡺⣘⡜⣑⢤⢐⠅⠡⢂⠡⠐⡀⢀⠠⠐⠄⠐⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⢀⠡⠨⡢⡑⡌⡔⡮⡷⣭⢧⣳⠭⣪⣲⣼⣾⣟⣻⣽⣺⣸⣜⢌⢆⢌⠐⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠌⡢⡵⠺⠞⠟⠛⠯⠟⠟⠝⡫⢗⠟⠝⠙⠉⠊⠑⠉⠉⠉⠑⢒⠠⠁⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⡀⠄⠄⠅⡪⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢕⢔⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠠⠐⠈⢀⠄⠠⠄⡁⠄⡀⠂⠠⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠂⡑⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⡂⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠂⠠⠐⠄⡐⡀⠂⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⠄⠂⢕⢅⢄⠄⣀⡀⢄⠄⠁⣀⣔⡵⣿⣯⠧⡣⣢⡠⢀⢀⡠⠐⢀⢐⠠⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⡔⢀⠘⢽⣻⣶⣥⣉⠥⡣⣱⣷⠻⣪⣻⣷⡣⡣⢫⣞⣗⡦⡵⢻⠺⡸⠐⡀⠐⠄⠂⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠘⡀⠔⢀⠑⠍⠍⡽⣽⣿⣻⠂⡷⣯⡿⣟⡿⠌⡆⠘⣾⣻⢵⢕⠔⢀⠁⠠⠈⡀⠁⠄⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⡐⢰⢈⢄⠱⢽⣺⢳⠁⣈⠄⠄⠈⠊⠈⠄⠄⢡⣐⢫⢯⡢⢊⢄⢪⠨⠠⠄⡀⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠂⠠⠱⣕⡣⡇⡏⢮⢕⣸⣾⠠⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠌⢟⣜⡵⣯⢷⡴⡅⠅⡂⠠⠄⢈⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⢀⠈⠌⡪⢝⢾⣝⣎⠒⠏⠙⠠⠑⠁⠆⠒⠐⠐⠉⢀⠑⣍⡿⣽⡽⡂⠕⠄⠄⠂⢀⠠⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⡈⠄⢀⠄⠊⠍⢯⣷⣏⢊⢀⣈⣠⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⢶⣴⢤⢬⣌⢻⡺⡻⠈⠄⠂⠄⠂⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⢀⠐⠄⠄⠂⠡⠑⠕⠅⡕⡽⡑⡁⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠁⠁⠠⢊⠊⠢⠈⠄⠨⠄⠄⠁⠐⢀⠈⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⢀⠄⠄⠈⡀⢂⠐⠄⠂⠁⠠⠁⡢⡪⣢⣲⣦⣖⡔⡤⡨⡐⢄⠌⠠⠈⠐⠄⠂⠠⠁⢈⠠⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢂⠄⠢⠂⠈⡀⠈⡀⠈⠰⠹⡨⠑⡑⠕⠕⠊⠌⠌⠄⠐⠄⠂⠁⢈⠄⡁⠐⠄⡐⢀⠂⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⡐⢄⠑⠄⠄⡇⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡈⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠠⠄⠂⢀⠐⠄⡈⠠⠈⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠁⠠⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⡀⢊⠨⢀⢊⠄⠨⡂⡂⠄⠂⠄⢀⠄⠠⠄⠂⠄⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⡀⠁⡀⠂⠄⠂⠁⠨⠄⠅⠄ ⠄⠄⠐⠄⢂⠢⡀⠄⠬⠄⠂⠅⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠂⠄⠂⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠂⢈⠐⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠅⠅⠐⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠂⢐⠄⠐⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠕⠈⡂⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠂⠄
February 2021

Based

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
March 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing