Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
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Trump nuclear ramble
Look, having nuclearâmy uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart âyou know, if youâre a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say Iâm one of the smartest people anywhere in the worldâitâs true!âbut when youâre a conservative Republican they tryâoh, do they do a numberâthatâs why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortuneâyou know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because weâre a little disadvantagedâbut you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers meâit would have been so easy, and itâs not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of whatâs going to happen and he was rightâwho would have thought?), but when you look at whatâs going on with the four prisonersânow it used to be three, now itâs fourâbut when it was three and even now, I would have said itâs all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they donât, they havenât figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, itâs gonna take them about another 150 yearsâbut the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
Donald Trump
President Trump gave us Christmas back
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Today at Walmart I told the cashier Merry Christmas. She said, "Happy Holidays, ma'am, I smiled and said "You don't have to be afraid anymore. President Trump gave us Christmas back" she started crying tears of joy and said "Merry Christmas" and then everyone in the store applauded
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Imposter broke into my house!
So yesterday I was eating with my family when all of a sudden a âcrew mateâ broke in through the front door. He had a ski mask on and a gun which was sus, but he a good skin. My father told us all to hide so we donât get killed by the obvious imposter. I could see him from my hiding spot under the table and he looked sus. So I told my dad âDAD YOU THINK HE IS THE IMPOSTER? HE IS SUS!â I yelled as loud as I could. The imposter found us hiding and shot my father five times. The imposter was so dumb, who kills someone in front of crew mates? I ran to call the emergency meeting by grabbing my phone off the table when I heard my mother get shot and scream for me. Lol she was so bad at among us. My teammates sucked and were dying to the worst Imposter. So I called the emergency meeting and for some reason a S.W.A.T team rammed down the door and killed the imposter. Lol thatâs not how the game goes, I think they were hacking.
Among Us / Amogus
You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you
You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
Florida Mayhem McDonald's
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Guys, the color scheme of McDonald's consists of red, yellow, and white. It does not include blac k like Florida Mayhem. Stop spamming about how they are McDonald's already. It's untrue and unfunny.
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