[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Debunking the existence of females

"FEMALES" DON'T EXIST!!!!!!๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ A "FEMALE" is a fake person designed by the ๐ŸคฎGOVERNMENT๐Ÿคฎ to enslave men!!!!๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ PROOF๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘‰ "FEMALE" stands for; F ake E ngineered MALE !!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ So be ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐCAREFUL๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐ around someone who claims to be a ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก"FEMALE"๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก because they might be a ๐Ÿ˜ฑSPY๐Ÿ˜ฑ sent by the ๐ŸคฎGOVERNMENT ๐Ÿคฎ ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ If you ๐Ÿ˜กDONT๐Ÿ˜ก farward this to 20 ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿฆฑpeople๐Ÿง’ ๐Ÿ˜จLITTLE TOMMY๐Ÿ˜ฑ will crawl out of your sink and eat Your eyeballs ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚
November 2021

Emoji Pasta

Kittarrian and Pussytron

twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018

Dont believe me? watch me post this on my other accounts

twitchquotes: I like how [insert streamer name] doesn't realize that all his viewers are me on different accounts. Dont believe me? watch me post this on my other accounts
twitch chat
December 2015

Classic

Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing