[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
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Smash Ball

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August 2019

Super Smash Bros

Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
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November 2018

The Emoji Movie summary

The Emoji Movie unlocks the never-before-seen secret world inside your smartphone. Hidden within the messaging app is Textopolis, a bustling city where all your favorite emojis live, hoping to be selected by the phone's user. In this world, each emoji has only one facial expression - except for Gene, an exuberant emoji who was born without a filter and is bursting with multiple expressions. Determined to become "normal" like the other emojis, Gene enlists the help of his handy best friend Hi-5 and the notorious code breaker emoji Jailbreak. Together, they embark on an epic "app-venture" through the apps on the phone, each its own wild and fun world, to find the Code that will fix Gene. But when a greater danger threatens the phone, the fate of all emojis depends on these three unlikely friends who must save their world before it's deleted forever.
August 2021

Kripp and his tiny peckerwood

twitchquotes: Omg Kripp... I remember seeing you in the hallways during school. I remember seeing your zipper down and I kept eyeing you tiny peckerwood. You always had the cutest grin. Please call me (205-069-1337) and find me. I will always love you. ~Eddy Pepperino (not wearing any panties atm).
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April 2014
Kripp

Angry Bee

twitchquotes: ⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠦⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣶⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣦⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡄⠙⣿⣿⣶⣤⡾⣫⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠲⢤⣀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡀⢸⣿⡿⣫⣾⣿⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢦⡀⠙⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢈⡿⢡⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡄⠈⣿ ⣿⡇⢸⡇⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⢿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡄⠈ ⣿⡀⢸⡇⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣟⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⡶⢢⢰⠀ ⣿⣇⠈⢷⣿⣿⡾⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⠷⠼⠇⠂ ⣿⣿⣦⠀⠻⣿⣧⡘⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠈⠻⣷⣌⢷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢰⣿⣿⣷⣯⡛⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠔⠁⣤ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡉⠛⠋⠙⠻⠷⢶⣤⣤⣤⣄⣤⣤⣤⡤⠦⠖⠂⠈⣠⣴⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣄⠀⠺⠿⠿⠟⠋⠁⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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February 2020
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