Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
What happened to this ad? :(
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Hey, Kripp! What's up man?
twitchquotes:
Hey, kripp! What's up, man? It's Mike from Woman History class last semester. I didn't know you were some kind of internet superstar hahahaha. Hit me up, man. Btw, did you ever hook up with Leifman? She was a big girl hahah. You are such a dog. It's so cool to see you again. You have my numbah. Just hit me up, man.
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
Amogus get out of my head
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̑̋͂̒͋̈̈̚̚̚͜͝͝͝═̵̛̯͖́̆̾̾̍̄̍̇́̔̔̾̃͐̎̑̀̂͊̓̍̒̊̈́͛̌̏́͑͒̋͋͘̕̕͝͝═̷̢̛̛̛̛̳͈̩̘͈͉̹͒̊͑̂͊̈͆̌͆͛̿̆̉͂̈́̑̾̒̄̔̂͛͛̀̌̊̈̃̊͛̅̋͛̏͛͊̚͘͝͝█̷̛͚̀͑̓́͊͂͆̒̈́͘̚█̵̧̨̨̲͙͖̞͉͕͈̬͕̹̥̜̩̼̫͕̳͂̈͊̽͋͘ͅ║̴̛͍͈̝͈̬̮͉͉̳̤̰̱̟̠̌͗̐̓̿̊́̃̈́̔̂̿̇̍̄͆͂̇̐͆͑͊͛͒̿̾̿̓̇̈̓͗̏̕͘͘͘͜͠͝͠ͅ░̶̡̨̧̡͚̘̣͎͇͓͔̬̹͇̝̖̖͈̖̦̠͖̳͔͕̯̯̤̘̅̓͘͘͜͜͠͠͠͝╚̷̨̢̧̨̛̛̛͚̖̲̞͈̩̭͙̟͙̥̱̠͚̪̟̞̺̟̖̗̻̥̹͉̀̍͊͑͌̉͛͆̈͛̂̏͑̌̍̈́̌͋͘͘̕͜͝ͅ═̴̧̺̤͉̲̝̭̬̥̭̱͎̬̋͛̋̍̈́̎̐̎͌̆͘͜͝ͅ═̶̨̢̧̢̡̛̥̻̯͓͚̘͉̘͇̻̻̲̩̫̯̼͉͔̜̠͇̟̹̺̭̪̜̟̱͔͚̣̻̹̞͎̱̈́̋́̒̄͠ͅ═̷̢͙̼̙͓̮̞̠̼͓̪̲̀̌͗̾̒̽͆͗̍̋̓̀͆̎͛̍̂͆͋́͆̇̓̓͂̋̓͘͘͠͠͠█̷̙̻̱͇̇͒̐̃̈́̃́͒̈̐̌̆̃̊̑̚͝͠͝█̴̧̧̛͚̠̝̪̻̤̲͈̳̯̮̫̪͇̻̙̘̞͙̞̬͔͕̝͎̹̱͙̜̼͈͚̪̦̉̉͋̍͆͒̈́̋̍̉͛͒͌̌͒̀̆̊̇́́̓͒̈́̈́̒͐̾͆́́̕̚̕͝͝ͅͅ╗̸̧̧̨̧̛͔̯͈͖̯͚͖̪̹͈̥̮̘̙̦̻̗̭̠̲̤̫̜̤̲̺̫̲̼̙͚͕̦͂̊̿̓̈͊͆̿̉̂̉̆̊̐̑̂̄̈͊̈́̈́̚͝͝█̸̨̢̛̩̫̮̹͖̭̺̺͙̩̮̳̞̲̤͗́̅̆̓͐̃̎͑̀̋̈́̉̓̄̋͒͌̀͑̆̓͑̏̓̂͌̈́̾̔̇̚͘͠͠͝ͅ█̷̡̨̢̨̛̖̮̦̯̦͍̰̰̪͕̬̻̰̣̝͎͎͎͔̫̊̔̐̍̆͊̔̑͌͒͂͒̓̾̍͌̊̓͒̓͋͑̋̓̓̂̊̃͛̌̏͌̍͘͜͜͠║̷̮̤͔͓͎͖̱̗̠͇̜̳̖̮̗̬͙̹͔̜̜̬̹̯͛͒͋͑̚ͅ░̵̨̛̮̙̹̪̣͙̪̩͈̰̜̗̠̘̱͕͖̺͚͈̠̤̼̳͕̝̂̽̀͛̒̒́̆̀́́͛̒̿͑̇̒̐͂́̈́̒̆͋̔͛͆́̆͐͛̑̕͘͜͝͝░̶̛̛͙͉̙͇̞͖̳̪̦͖̳̘̘̖͇͉̻̥̖̖̖̬͚̖̃͛̀̈́͐͆̆̄͗̈́̅͌̇̏̈̽̂̆̓́̕̚͜͝͝͝ͅ█̴̨̢̧̛̻̖͙̹̜̝͚̠̘͙̱̗͔͍̱̪̼̩̞̤̪̯͙̖̗̺͉͇̞̬̦̱̱̲̘͊͒̄̏̀̀̑́̍̄̌̂̔͐̓̓̇̆͂͛́͑͊̑͂̃̓̊̅͆̀́̍̕͜͜ͅͅ█̵̢̧̢̛̛̠̥͚͈̜̻̦̬͕͎͓͇̗̲͖̪̣͇̮̳̙̣̫͈̳͔̜̥͇̥̹̙̬̣̪̭̙̾̄̐̅̍́͛̎͐̉͋́̊̈́̿̈́̔͂̈́̂̎͜͜ͅͅ║̴̬̰̖̲̲͈̳́̀́͆̚█̸̡̡̡̨̧̨̪̬͍͎̝̺͖͓͙̓̾̀̐̅́͂͋̃͗̑͆̏̈́͒̋́̀̒͋̔͆̋̃̕̕͘͝͝█̵̞͋̈͒̈́̇̃̉̒͂̈́̾̍̃͋̒̉͐̐̐̇́̀͌̆͊̚̚͘̚͘̚̕͝╔̷̢̢̢̢̛̺͖͖͍͇̳̗̗̼̹̲̰͍͉̙̳̯͇̪͇̝̼̬̗̣͇̮̣̣̺͉̬͉̮̠͕̆͊̎̑̍͌̋̋̃̆͊͂̽̌͐̑̏͛̍̀͘̕͝͝ͅ═̸̢̛̤̺̳̠̮̖͇̉̈́̆̊̍̎̒̈́͋́̑̌̓̎̄̿̊̎̈́̅̌̿́͆̌̈́̐̀͊̑͌̚̚̕̕̚͠͠═̵̡̨̨̛̲͔̤̼̝͇͎̩̌̆͗̾̈͗̈̅͌͊̿̔͒̂̊̐̀̇̿̉͐̈́͒̀̊̓̀̾̈́̍͠͠█̶̡̡̢̧̨̖̟̝̹͖̜̠͈̥̙̠̙̺͍͔̮̲͚͚̝̣͎̘͔̰̾̒̉̈́͒̑̋͌̃̉̃͜ͅ█̸̢̢̧̛̦̗͓͇̺͓̤͎̳͇̖̬̬̮̭̳͍͈̼̟̘̠̊̀͒͐̒̔̒̄̈́͑́̇͂͜ͅ║̸̧̢̧̠̫̟̬̬͈̣͓͖̣͙̣̲̱̤̤̖̖̳̠̰͍͚͉̱̩̭̝͙̥͔̩͎͗͛́̍͒̑̋̈́͒̅̈̆̓͐̈́̃̇̇̀́͋͗̾̐̌̓̒̿̇̈́̔̋̈́̆̈́͊̓͂͑͜͜͜͝ͅͅ█̶̡͇̲̭̦͎̮͔̜̤̘̎̅̅̅́͐͒̄̍̽̑̃́̈́̒͑͗̌̓͘͠͝͝█̶̢̢̱͇̮͓̩̜̪̞̺̗̰̺̪͍͍̠̭͍̘̘̭̥͎̺͙͙̙̭̣͊̇͒̍͗̎̑͗̌͑̽̀̔͛͌͑̓́̈̉́̓̇̔̇͊͑̋̍̏̎́͘̚͜͜͠͝╔̷̨̡̛̛̲͖͚̯̥͓̠͇̗̻̉̐̇̓̾͊͒̎̔́̇͆̋̆̃͠═̴̢̪̱͕̠̘̲̞̘͔̻̟͎̫̹͎̮̟̙͔̱͍̻̣̟͔͈̀̀̀̓̄̊̈̎̐̀̊̈́̍͂̾͘̕̚̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅ═̴̡̡̡̢̨̝̭̰͉̹̻͔̹͙̖̥̗͓͔̼̜͓̬̥̟̠͔͍̳̰̪̝̠̖̑́̈́̏̕͜ͅ█̷̨̯̯͍̹̬̙͍̙̞͈͈̲̥̜̾̇̓̀́͋͆̽̎͛̔̏̐̀͌̂̆̎̀̏̐̕͘͝ͅ█̷̢̨̡̛̖̲̰̣̪̲̼̫̩͓̈́̑̓̾͐̊͑̔͊̽̏̓́̀́͛̔̅͋͋̎̄̓̅̂́̈́͛͂̅̌͒̐̈́̆̊͐͂̎̚̚̚ͅ║̷̵̨̢̡̡̧̨̢̛̬͙͇̞̻̰͓̳̘̱͈̪̥̙̫̤͙͇͈̲͙̤̬̪̼͕͔̞̟̹̖̥̼͈̘͕͉͔͙͕͉̬̯͚̝̫̥͙̱̠̤̙̪̝̫̘̗͙͇̥̜͖̗̯̖͕̖̝͆̍̾̉͋͌͊͌̈́̂́̀̽̅̓̎̑̌̽̑̆̊̎̆͂̒͋͂̂̑̈́̍̒̊̈́͘̚̚͜͜͝͠͠͝ͅ█̴̡̛̛̛̛̮̩͉̺̦͈̾̄̈́͐̑͒͋̆̎̆̂̀̒́̓͌̆̅͗̍̌̀͂͌͛̓͆͑̔́̕̕̚͘͝͝█̷̡̢̢̛̛̝͍͈̝͇̹̯͙̣͖̖̜͎͇̺̣̰͙̗̖͕͙̯͈̼̱̦̼̓͆̍̀́̿̈̓̿͂̒̿͋̄̂͊̇̕̚͜͜ͅ█̸̢̡̢̢̨̢̛̻̝͖̞̣̙̣̯̭͖̲̺̥̦̘̙͎͎̥͎̙̤̟̝̙͚̐̋͑́̇̆̎́̄́̅͆̄̇́͆͂̍̆͂͋͒͑̈̐̍̈́̿̀͆͒͐͂̕̚̚̕͠█̶̧̢̙̤͔̩͕̥̹̯͙̗̱̼̙̝̺͕̤̬͉̗̬͓̣̣͚̜͕̗̗̩̜̞̠̼̗͙͇̳̦̆̈́͆͗̍̈́̌͂̃̾͌́̃̉̆̈́̎̈́̋̐̎̈͘͝͝█̴̛͎̮̮͚̰̼͖͕̗̖͆̾̑̏͗̈́͒͑̌̈́̄̈́͂̈̈́́͋̂́̃̏́͘̚̕͝͝͝ͅ█̵̡̭̠͉͙͖͈̻͇͇̘͙̫̱͓̮̺̼͎̲̦͕̉̀̌̌͛̔̂̄̈́͒̾͊͑͑͐̽̉̄̀̕͝ͅ╔̵̢̛͚̦͍͇̼̗̫̦̤̯̤͕͈͇̦͈͇̪̝͎̉̊͌̽͑̔͗͐̇̑͌̀̏̀̏͗̄̍̂̈́̈́͐́̓͘͜͜͝͝͝͝ͅ╝̷̧̢̨̙͕͎̠̻̞̺̯̗̼͔̯͇̳̙͔͚͈̞̟̼̬̰̜̺͙̙̋̄̀̊́̿̽͐͌͊̓̅̄́̌̾͒̑̚͘̕͘͜͜͠͝ͅͅ█̴̡̧̢̲͓͔͖̺̟̪͖̣̮̘͉̝̩͎͕̗̼̹̝͙̈́ͅ█̵̮̘̉̇̅̑͛̈́͒̂̀̉́̉͛̾̑͐͛̀̇̍̚̚͠͠ͅ║̴̡̡̭̩͉̰͕̘̘̹̼͈̪̬̖̥̭͉̺̭̯̦̜͙̣͇͚̥̰̞̰̑̇́̈́͊͑̌̀̉̄̑͊̐̓̍̀͑̍̾́̆̓̒̇̋́̅͂̽̏͝͠░̴̨̮̖͈͔̮͙̬͇̮͇͔̥͖͕̒̾̓̍͋̚░̶̡̨̡̡̛͖͉̫̦̟̦̼̠͓͙͎̮̠̘͕̜̽̆̀̈̌̊̇́̏̏̆̓̀̓̈́͋̈̏̆̾͋̂͌̉̑́͊̌̚͘͝͝͠͠█̷̛̜̞̪̲̝̲̩̤̬̣͊͆̎̿̒̐̔́̈͆̾͛̑̃̽̎̾█̸̢̛̮̉̾͋̎͐̈́́́͒̀͊̆͌̋̊̽͒̅̀̂͐̈́̋̒̏̓̾̑͛̃͂̀̿̚̕͘̕͝͠͝║̵̢̛̛̦̰̣̙̳͉͓̥͎̟͈̥̘̰̦̯̖̮̻̫̬͙͖̗̠͉̦̼̜̠̮̑́͆̊̋̐́͒̂̏̿͗̇̉͂̄̿̂̑̈͛͜͠͝█̸̢̧̛̯͍̤͍̭̠͓̠̱̠͉̪̲̫̖͈͔͙̱̘̝͓̗̭̠̼̪̤̟͉̙̞͓͕̬̩͕̲̙̂̾̄́̏̎̾͐̈́̍͗͒̑̓͋͑͒͋̌́̋͋̏̐̇͌̍̇̇͂́̏̀͆̅̎͂̒̐͒̚͜͜͝͠ͅ█̶̢̯̤̍͆̀́̽̌̉͗̿́͑̋̆̑͑̀̉̽͋̌͊͑̈́͘̕͝█̴̰̦̭͖̹̞̱̩͇͎̜͉̖̗̙̖̳͍̼̞̩̈́͆̏͆̔̒̏̈́̚͜͝█̸̧̡̡̼̭͔̥̯̱̞̯̟͖͈̻̗̳̞̬͇̣̺̯͍̯͇̯̱̪̩̬̣͚͈̠͎̳̱͖̺̦̯̋̇͗́̉̌̀̈̍̿̌̓̽̿̉͐̽͊̄̈́͒̂̉͆͂́̓̄̇̔̅̋̚͜͜͠͝͝͝█̴̨̡̨̛͚̩͚̼̖͚̭͍͍̼̖̬̣̤̜̣̯̀̓̑̌̏̌͊͛̄͑͂̇̏́̓͗͘͘͝͝█̷̨̧̨̡̨̙̰̝͓͓̬̱̰̗̥̞̣̮̼̞̝̦̱͚̬͈̰͈̦̞̞̠̬̥̣͚̻͎͎̱̹̖̜̎́̍̽̎͂̈́̎̊̑̎̋͛̐̆̅̓̏́̾̈́̓̋╔̵̢̛̛̩͍͖̹͙̥̋̑͋͐̒͂̐͑̅͒̒̐͌̎̀̿͆̈̂̾̆̍̀͐͑̈̕͘̕̕̚͘͠͝╝̶̨̢̧͇͔̼̟͕̹͙̬̪͉̞̼͔̖̼͖̮͉̘͍͈̝͍̮̼̯̱̺̤̱͉̞͖̞͕̜̟̱̤̯̃̈̆̋͋͛̆͘͘̕͜█̵̡̡̧̢͍̟̤̲̮̙̜̺͕̜̰͈͉̬̤̤͇̠͎̺͕̣̀̐̂̀̃͌̏̎͗̍̆̃̒͒̇̒́̈͗̈́̅̉̓̓̃̈́͊̉́͘͝ͅͅ█̵̧̮̣̝̈́̉█̶̨̙̹̯̖̻͇̭̹̥͚͍͍̦̘͇̘͕̮̈́̇̍̂̿̾͌̉́̿̍̓̋̒̂͗̑̓͂͆͆̾̾̈́̈̀͆͑̆̏̓͆͘̕̚̚̚̚͘͜͜͠͝█̸̺͈̬̦͖̜̳͍̝̦̝̿̄̆̂͐́̎̾̅́̓̽̀͗͋̀͑̆̿̌̎̀̉̀̽̈́͗̑͆̈͛͘͜͠█̷̨̨̢̢̠̺̩̯̙̩̥̝̮͚̜̩͕̞̮̬̂̌͊̽̽͂͗̍͑̒͂̐̄̈͊̓̓͆̽̐̔̓̄̀̌̎̚͘͘͘̚̚͝
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⠄⣾⡟⠉⠻⣦⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿
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Weebs
Ben Shapiro ordering pizza
Hello, is this Pizza Hut?
Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. And—look, it’s just a fact—I would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not.
Now let’s discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from “You racist creep” or “Is that your real voice?” to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded “toilet swirly.” However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah.
Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this “Our pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-poly”—no. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. It’s that simple. It’s been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty “Fuh!” by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet.
Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyder’s classic film “300,” I will kick you.
Onions, peppers—no, thank you. If I wanted veggies, I’d go to a salad bar. I’m not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named P’Zone—when I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style.
And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. I’m fucking starving.
Ben Shapiro
HandsUp
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