Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
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what do you say when you come? murk durgle
About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth
twitchquotes:
High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need."
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Kripp
Classic
salty
They sent me back in time to stop the spams
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i come from future, world got poluted from spams and no one is able to speak or write anymore, they sent me back in time to stop the spams, and start point was twitch. please dont spam , you can spam this massage though 
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strifecro
Suicide test, if Pepe is not standing on the table...
This is a suicide test. If Pepe is not standing |""""""| on the table, kill yourself.Great Music, Extremely Handsome, Must be Reynad
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(โโฟโโฟ) Great Music (โโฟโโฟ) Extremely Handsome (โโฟโโฟ) Innovative Decks (โโฟโโฟ) High Level Gameplay (โโฟโโฟ) Moderately Sized Forehead (โโฟโโฟ) Great Personality (โโฟโโฟ) Large Donger (โโฟโโฟ) Must be Reynad (โโฟโโฟ)
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Reynad