[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Policeman that tries to give me freedom and liberty

twitchquotes: (ʘ͑ Κ–Νœ ʘ͑ ΰΈ‡) I AM AMERIFAG. I have a 9000% chance to get SHOT BY A POLICEMAN THAT TRIES TO GIVE ME FREEDOM AND LIBERTY than a citizen of the EUROPE (ʘ͑ Κ–Νœ ʘ͑ ΰΈ‡)
twitch chat
December 2014

EU vs NA

Think again next time you call our chatroom yours

twitchquotes: You banned someone for posting something in "your chatroom"? I'll have you know that we, CHAT, rule this chatroom. We MAKE you, we OWN you, we pay your bills, we pay for your food, we pay for the small trojan box of condoms you bought last night, this isn't your chatroom bud. This is our chatroom . Think again next time you call our chatroom yours, it's ours.
twitch chat
June 2017

What is trolling?

twitchquotes: Trolling - the mental disorder of being in-denial while not having to admit that they're truly lonely and in need of desperate attention while also being under the influence of being sarcastic and in most cases just idiotic. Trolling is also represented by just typing the Kappa emote. Kappa Pls copypaste to spread awareness Kappa
twitch chat
May 2015
imaqtpie

Faceful Void

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘ β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–’β–β–‘β–β–Œβ–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–„β–€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–Œβ–‘ β–β–Œβ–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–Œβ–β–€ β–‘β–β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–€β–„β–€β–€β–€β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
June 2015

Dota 2

cant understand how you have a popular stream

twitchquotes: cant understand how you have a popular stream. you keep saying β€œi dont even know what im doing” and it shows. you’re strats... wait do you have any? doesn’t seem like it. you just seem consistantly terrible. dunno why people watch you. you’re not entertaining or educating or anything... just another garbage ARAM player... lost a potential watcher for... literally anyone else
twitch chat
September 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing