[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Kripp's new sub emotes have convinced me he is a sellout

twitchquotes: สœแด‡ส แด‹ส€ษชแด˜แด˜, แด›สœษชs ษชs แด›สœแด‡ สŸแด€sแด› สแดแดœ'สŸสŸ ส™แด‡ ส€แด‡แด€แด…ษชษดษข า“ส€แดแด แดแด‡. แด›สœแด‡sแด‡ ษดแด‡แดก แด‡แดแดแด›แด‡s สœแด€แด แด‡ แด„แดษดแด ษชษดแด„แด‡แด… แดแด‡ แด›สœแด€แด› สแดแดœ'ส€แด‡ แดŠแดœsแด› แด€ษดแดแด›สœแด‡ส€ sแด‡สŸสŸโ”€แดแดœแด›. ษช แด›สœแดแดœษขสœแด› สแดแดœ แดกแด‡ส€แด‡ แด…ษชา“า“แด‡ส€แด‡ษดแด› แด›สœแด€ษด แด›สœแด‡ ส€แด‡sแด›. ษช แด›สœแดแดœษขสœแด› สแดแดœ sแด›ส€แด‡แด€แดแด‡แด… า“แดส€ สแดแดœส€ แด ษชแด‡แดกแด‡ส€s... ษช แด›สœแดแดœษขสœแด›, ษช แด›สœแดแดœษขสœแด› สแดแดœ sแด›ส€แด‡แด€แดแด‡แด… า“แดส€ แดแด‡. ส™แดœแด› แด›สœแด€แด›'s แดแด แด‡ส€, แด‹ส€ษชแด˜แด˜. ษขแดแดแด…ส™สแด‡
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I need you Kripp, love Trump

twitchquotes: Kส€ษชแด˜แด˜, สแดแดœ สœแด€แด แด‡ ษดแดแด› ษขษชแด แด‡ษด แดแด‡ สแดแดœส€ sแดา“แด›, แด›แด‡ษดแด…แด‡ส€, สŸแดแด ษชษดษข ษชษด sแด สŸแดษดษข.... Yแดแดœ แดœsแด‡แด… แด›แด แด›แดแดœแด„สœ แดแด‡ ษชษด แดกแด€สs ษดแด แดษดแด‡ แด‡สŸsแด‡ แด„แด€ษด. Tสœแด‡ แด›สœษชษดษขs สแดแดœ แด„แดแดœสŸแด… แดแด€แด‹แด‡ แดแด‡ า“แด‡แด‡สŸ I แดŠแดœsแด› Kreygasm... ษช ษดแด‡แด‡แด… สแดแดœ แด‹ส€ษชแด˜แด˜. Sแดแดแด‡แด›ษชแดแด‡s ษช สœแด€แด แด‡ แด›แด ษชแดแด€ษขษชษดแด‡ ส€แด‡แด„แด‡ษชแด ษชษดษข สŸแดแด แด‡ แดŠแดœsแด› แด›แด วซแดœแด‡สŸสŸ แด›สœแด‡ แดœส€ษขแด‡s. ษช ษดแด‡แด‡แด… สแดแดœ ษชษดsษชแด…แด‡ แด‹ส€ษชแด˜แด˜, สŸแดแด แด‡ แด›ส€แดœแดแด˜
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Dear Kripparian, how dare you

twitchquotes: Dear Kripparian, how dare you... I have dedicated my life to Hearthstone. I am a proud Hearthstoner and so are the rest of your fans. You cannot betray us and start playing a Hearthstone competitor. I can fall asleep to your HS streams because of how casual it is, but this game is too complicated and it keeps me awake. If you betray us we will rise up, you have been warned.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

Troll face

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–’โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–’โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Classic

Mango Bay CoolCat

twitchquotes: CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat ๐“œ๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ธ ๐“‘๐“ช๐”‚ CoolCat
twitch chat
January 2017

Dota 2

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