[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine. Let me tell you something, I am the baseline for opinions. Any opinion I hold is objectively correct and as a result, any other opinions are wrong. Guess what? You happen to hold the wrong one! I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have contacted the FBI, CIA, the NSA, the navy seals, secret service, and your mom! You'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions, by the time you're reading this, you'll be done for. Nature will punish you, humanity will punish you, space will punish you. We decided just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit. So there's no chance you can run away, everyone will know you will die. It's a small price to pay, to remove your wrong opinion from this world.
September 2021

My IQ is extremely, almost embarrassingly, high

twitchquotes: My IQ is extremely, almost embarrassingly, high. I've never actually taken an IQ test, mind you, but my educated guess is that, if I did, my score would be whatever is the highest possible. No doubt your IQ is lower than mine, but please don't feel stupid or insecure about this, it's not your fault. You're probably just born that way. And you know what? Thank your lucky stars and subpar genetic makeup that you don't have to bear the burden of brilliance like I have to. Being incredibly intelligent is a curse. This is not just one of the many astute observations I have every day, by the way, it is a fact recently confirmed by science.
twitch chat
January 2019

Tricky the Clown (HellClown)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⡇⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠙⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⢰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠇⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠀⢸⠋⣹ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠌⢹⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠋⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⠿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠞⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠈⢲⠒⡒⢾⣦⡀⣀⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⡟⣿⣿⡾⣿⣿⡅⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢘⣿⣿⡈⢿⣷⣽⡿⣣⣿⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⠄⠀⠀⠰⠛⠿⣿⣿⣦⡙⢿⣿⡿⢃⣼⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣷⢈⣏⣴⣿⡥⠂⠀⠀⠀⢠⠼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠙⣿⣿⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠃⠀⠊⢀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣏⣸⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠃⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣴⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠈⠁⠀⠀⠈⠈⢢⠤⢤⢠⣾⣏⡟⠋⠀⢀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠙⠃⠸⠾⠟⠐⠀⠙⠿⠋⢉⣀⠀⡈⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠈⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⡀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⣀⡀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢀⠉⠒⢮⣦⣠⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣦⢻⣦⠀⣠⣆⠈⠑⢌⠒⠺⠦⠤⠠⠎⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣾⣿⡄⣿⣦⣬⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠤⠐⠲⠾⢿⣷⣝⣻⣿⠹⡶⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣹⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣴⡋⠻⣿⣷⣗⢿⣿⡷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣟⣿⣯⢿⣿⣶⣿⡿⠿⢷⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡦⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣻⣿⣧⢃⠀⠀⠛⠉⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⠀⠈⢙⡽⠀⣾⣿⣿⣧⣜⣿ ⠉⢻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠀⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⢾⠀⠀⠀⣀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣩⣾⣿⣿⡽⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠘⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣶⣄⣀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

Imaqtpie has mastered Kog'Maw's passive

twitchquotes: Hi Imaqtpie, this is David 'Repertoir' Capurro, the lead designer on Kog'Maw back in 2010. Watching you play my champion really warms my heart, and I think you're one of the good guys. You've even mastered his passive!
twitch chat
March 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

12 win cotten mitten pitten

twitchquotes: When Kripp gets a pitten its a 12 win cotton mitten pitten. He gets so smitten his donger becomes a biggen. Now his donger being a biggen while hes smitten wearing mittens, he can no longer fap to his winning arena pittens. Help Kripp with his biggen so spam this donger omission about Kripps pittens that is a 12 win cotton mitten pitten. No copy pasteritten.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing