There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
The Dead Sea is one of the world's saltiest bodies of water
twitchquotes:
The Dead Sea is a salt lake bordering Jordan to the east, and Israel and the West Bank to the west. It is also one of the world's saltiest bodies of water. It is 9.6 times as salty as the ocean.[6] This salinity makes for a harsh environment in which all but one animal can flourish, hence its name. The only creature that can live in such high salinity levels is Reynard. He is also the reason for the dead seas high salinity.
twitch chat
Reynad
President's Day Emoji Pasta PresiDICK's Day
Happy PresiDICKโS ๐๐๐ฝ DAYโผ๏ธ Time โฐโฐ to honor the DADDIES ๐ฌ๐ฌ of our nation ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ George SLUTsington ๐ฏ๐ฏ, Benjamin SPANKlin๐๐, John HanCOCK ๐๐ฝ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ These POUNDING ๐จโ fathers ERECTED โฌ๏ธโฌ๏ธ their ๐ป๐CUNTstitutional dongs ๐๐for LADY LIBERTY ๐ฝ๐
๐ Raise that ASS ๐ to ๐ฆ๐ฆ Abraham LinCUM ๐ฆ๐ฆ, ๐ฒ WOODrow Wilson ๐๐ฒ๐, Bill CLIT-on ๐๐, and the CUMmander in chief, ๐ฆ๐๐BarCOCK Obama ๐ฆ๐๐ Donโt forget Dwight D. EisenWHORE ๐๐ฉ DICKlared war ๐ซ๐ฃ on those CUMMIES ๐ฆ๐๐ Share in โ๏ธ SUCKonds or you wonโt be pounding ๐จthat presidential PUSSY ๐๐ Get 5๏ธโฃ back and ur a White House HOE ๐ Get ๐ back and ur the SUCKretary of state ๐๐๐บ๐ธ Get 20 back and the First Lady will make u moan ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ HAPPY JIZZIDENTโS DAY!! Hail to the CHEEKS ๐๐๐
President's Day
Emoji Pasta
Holiday Emoji
MLK Fortnite event helped my little brother stop his racism
My little brother (10) has always been one for those toxic semi racist squeakers youโd find on Xbox lobbyโs. Iโve walked in on him saying the n word to people in squads and heard him say the word when in a fit of rage. Iโve tried to tell him thatโs hurtful and not acceptable at all but he doesnโt listen to me and insists he isnโt racist and that heโs just saying it because heโs angry. Iโve told my parents and they say the same thing, but they never enforce punishment because he is doing excellent in school due to the incentive of using his Xbox. Then the mlk event happened and it allowed him to see the history of segregation this country has had. It allowed me to show him the history of the words he used and how they were used to demean African Americans. He promised me he wouldnโt say it again Thank you epic, while most say the event was tone deaf, it really helped me teach my brother a lesson.
Fortnite
So Aurateur, letโs have a talk.
twitchquotes:
So Aurateur, letโs have a talk. I strongly feel that your channel would do better if you turned off TTS or at least filtered out the spam. Thing is, while I myself have never donated to you or any other streamer, and my only subs are twitch prime, I feel I know a thing or two about how to succeed as a streamer and Iโm certain your channel would do better without all the spam, itโs clear nobody wants that shit and is the only thing holding you back as a fulltime streamer. Thank you.
twitch chat
Aurateur
Oh great! Another 2 sentence long pasta!
Oh great! Another 2 sentence long pasta! What a game changer! I'm sure the 5 measly lines of text you just posted are going to be the next big copypasta in no time! This is hilarious! Great Stuff! I can really see this being the next big thing! It's gonna be the next "Navy Seal" or "Penguin Of Doom", I can feel it! I love how short and boring it was! Extra points for being extremely forgettable with no interesting lines, a complete lack of tone, and, as I mentioned earlier, an extremely compact 30 to 40 word length! You know what you should do? You should, unprompted, post this godawful pasta in the comments of a post on a separate subreddit and when people downvote you you can post it to r/AteThePasta! Now that would be funny! Almost as funny as the pasta itself, which, may I remind you, is extremely short! God I can't believe you came up with this all on your own! Thanks so much for this! It's truly a gift! And it made me realise that no matter how hard I try I will never find a copypasta as funny as this roughly 30 word paragraph that has already been forgotten by the 47 people who upvoted it, and the 20 people who commented !thesaurizethis over and over again! And I should give up all hope of coming up with such a great pasta in my life, so I'm simply going to kill myself tonight! This is your fault! Your copypasta made me kill myself! I'm going to write your reddit username in my suicide note, as well as the entire copypasta, which I should have no trouble fitting on the page since it's so fucking short! Thanks again! ๐