[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Vegan prison

twitchquotes: Attention Kripp: As a friendly vegan lawyer, you need to inform chat this is 100% sellout stream. If you want to stay away from vegan prison where meat is stuffed into all new inmates, inform chat now.
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

Cat anime girl

β£Ώβ‘Ÿβ ™β ›β ‹β ©β ­β£‰β‘›β’›β «β ­β „β ’β „β „β „β ˆβ ‰β ›β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β „β „β£ β –β ‹β£€β‘€β „β ’β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β£ˆβ‘­β ­β „β „β „β ‰β ™ β£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β’€β£žβ£‘β ΄β šβ β „β „β’€β  β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ‰β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „ β£Ώβ‘‡β „β‘΄β β‘œβ£΅β’—β’€β „β’ β‘”β β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „ β£Ώβ‘‡β‘œβ „β‘œβ „β „β „β ‰β£ β ‹β  β „β’€β‘„β „β „β£ β£†β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β’Έ β£Ώβ Έβ „β‘Όβ „β „β „β „β’°β β „β „β „β ˆβ£€β£ β£¬β£­β£›β „β β „β‘„β „β „β „β „β „β’€β£Ώ ⣏⠄⒀⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠇⒀⣠⣴⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑇⠄⠄⑇⠄⠄⠄⠄⒀⣾⣿ β£Ώβ£Έβ ˆβ „β „β °β Ύβ ΄β’Ύβ£»β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ’β£Ύβ’€β β „β „β „β’ β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£†β „β †β „β£¦β£Άβ£¦β£Œβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£‹β£€β£ˆβ ™β ›β‘›β Œβ „β „β „β „β’Έβ’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ‡β ˆβ „β „β „β „β „β ˆβ’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β „β ˜β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘†β’€β£ˆβ£‰β’‰β£Ώβ£Ώβ£―β£„β‘„β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ‘œβ „β „β „β „β ™β Ώβ£Ώβ£§β£½β£β£Ύβ£Ώβ Ώβ ›β β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ƒβ’Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ‘Ώβ °β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˆβ ‰β ©β ”β ’β ‰β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β β ˜β£Ώ ⣿⠃⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⒀⠄⠄⑀⑀⒀⣀⣴⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁Ⓓ
ascii art
November 2020

Weebs

I sexually Identify as an the sun

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as an the sun. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throught the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 Β°C. From now on I want you guys to call me β€œSol” and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you can’t accept me you’re a fusionphobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
August 2015

I sexually Identify as

Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much?

twitchquotes: 𝔻𝕠 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 π•žπ•šπ•Ÿπ•• π•Ÿπ• π•₯ π•€π•‘π•’π•žπ•žπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕙𝕒π•₯ 𝕀𝕠 π•žπ•¦π•”π•™? 𝕀'π•ž 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝π•ͺ π•₯𝕣π•ͺπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•₯𝕠 𝕑𝕒π•ͺ 𝕒π•₯π•₯π•–π•Ÿπ•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ π•₯𝕠 π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕀π•₯π•£π•–π•’π•ž π•’π•Ÿπ•• π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 𝕒𝕣𝕖 π••π•šπ•€π•₯𝕣𝕒𝕔π•₯π•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•žπ•–. 𝕀𝕗 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝π•ͺ 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦π•₯ π•₯𝕙𝕖 π•’π•¦π•’π•π•šπ•₯π•ͺ 𝕠𝕗 π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕀π•₯π•£π•–π•’π•ž 𝕠𝕣 π•„π• π• π•Ÿ π•™π•šπ•žπ•€π•–π•π•— π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕀π•₯𝕠𝕑 π•₯𝕙𝕖 π•€π•‘π•’π•žπ•žπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•’π•Ÿπ•• 𝕔𝕠𝕑π•ͺπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•’π•Ÿπ•• 𝕑𝕒𝕀π•₯π•šπ•Ÿπ•˜. 𝔾𝕠𝕕, 𝕀 𝕀𝕨𝕖𝕒𝕣 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 𝕒𝕣𝕖 π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕀π•₯ 𝕑𝕒𝕣π•₯ 𝕠𝕗 π•₯π•¨π•šπ•₯𝕔𝕙. β„‚π• π•¦π•π••π•Ÿ'π•₯ π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕛𝕦𝕀π•₯ π•₯𝕣π•ͺ π•₯𝕠 𝕓𝕖 π•žπ•’π•₯𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 π• π•Ÿπ•”π•– π•šπ•Ÿ π•ͺ𝕠𝕦𝕣 π•π•šπ•—π•–?
twitch chat
February 2018
MOONMOON

Wanna buy some dongers?

twitchquotes: ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„Νœβ”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst… Moderator, you wanna buy some dongers?
twitch chat
January 2019
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