[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

But I believe Tyler1 can save the world

twitchquotes: Long ago, the five positions lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Riot Balance Team attacked. Only the Alpha, master of all five positions, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he got banned. Two years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Alpha, a Draven main named Tyler1, and although his Draven skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone. But I believe Tyler1 can save the world...
twitch chat
October 2018

Called my overweight female friend a heckin chonker today and now she won’t talk to me

My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying β€œmaybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
August 2021

Ape

β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’ β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–Œβ– β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ– β–β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’ β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’ β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’
February 2015

Why is your cat at school today Kripp?

twitchquotes: The teacher asked Kripp, "Why is your cat at school today Kripp?" Kripp replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Kripp leaves for school today!'
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto and I am begging you to stop drinking so much OJ. Since you became popular on the Twitch our sales have decreased by over 69% because Canadians want to be like you. For *** sake please drink some apple juice! If you continue drinking OJ, I wont be able to feed my family anymore
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp
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