[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I hate the French language

I struggle to find the right words to describe just how much I hate the French language. I'm not racist but I think the world would really be a better place if all French speakers just stopped speaking French and learned a normal language. Nothing about this language remotely makes sense, or is even internally consistent. Why are there so many silent letters? Half the words have pronunciations which somewhat resemble their spelling, and the other half seems like French people just decided to add a bunch of letters so they can act like they're better than everyone else. The language seems like it's deliberately constructed to be as difficult to learn as possible. Why the hell do verbs have different conjugations for you, me, he/she, we, you(plural), and them? Even the English language doesn't have that many arbitrary conjugations. I made an honest attempt to learn French, I really did, but the language is just filled with bullshit rules for grammar and everything else. Whichever way you look at it, it's almost as if French is constructed to be as difficult to learn as possible. For real, English isn't my first language but I learned it just fine; trying to learn French after that feels like bashing my head against the wall. This is somewhat irrelevant, but I've heard that some French speakers who speak some English like to pretend they don't speak it when you talk to them. Why do you have to make life difficult for everyone, I'm not going to make fun of you for speaking English poorly. That's not even mentioning how metropolitan French has a superiority complex over other variations of French, all neutral observers will agree that they are equally shit. Also I've heard that some French speakers tend to discriminate against people who speak a local dialect of French, as if one version of a language is better than all others. Sure, the same thing happens with English, but at least the English language doesn't suck.
April 2022

This Disney DVD is enhanced with Disney's FastPlay

twitchquotes: ๐™๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐˜ฟ๐™ž๐™จ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฎ ๐˜ฟ๐™‘๐˜ฟ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™๐™–๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐˜ฟ๐™ž๐™จ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฎโ€™๐™จ ๐™๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™‹๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ. ๐™”๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ซ๐™ž๐™š ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™– ๐™จ๐™š๐™ก๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ค๐™› ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™ช๐™จ ๐™›๐™š๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ช๐™ง๐™š๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™—๐™š๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ข๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™˜๐™–๐™ก๐™ก๐™ฎ. ๐™๐™ค ๐™—๐™ฎ๐™ฅ๐™–๐™จ๐™จ ๐™๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™‹๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ, ๐™จ๐™š๐™ก๐™š๐™˜๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ˆ๐™–๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ˆ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ช ๐™—๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™ฎ ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ข๐™š. ๐™๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™‹๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™—๐™š๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™– ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ข๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉโ€ฆ
twitch chat
May 2019

Kripp, this is an intervention

twitchquotes: Kripp, this is an intervention. We are very worried about you. Ever since you started playing Hearthstone, you have been becoming more and more casual. We care about you very much, but we can't just sit back and watch you torture yourself. Perhaps religion may help, have you heard of your lord and savior, RNGesus?
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

It's not gay if it's ANIME

twitchquotes: IT'S KappaPride NOT KappaPride GAY KappaPride IF KappaPride IT'S KappaPride ANIME KappaPride
twitch chat
July 2017

KappaPride

wake up this is all a dream

twitchquotes: wake up thijs PepeHands this is all a dream, but we don't have enough money to keep you living through your coma PepeHands we tried everything, if you don't wake up in a week we'll have to unplug you. PepeHands we love you PepeHands
twitch chat
June 2019
Thijs
Text-to-Speech Playing