[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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I am a Volunteer Twitch Moderator

twitchquotes: You have been reported. I am not a bot. I am a Volunteer Twitch Moderator. I do not have mod powers but my reports are taken seriously and those who get on my bad side tend to get banned in under 24 hours. I have numerous rules, which you may read in my post history, but 1 is the most important rule of all I am an officer in training, and I expect to be treated the same way I would be with my uniform and badge. Watch your back and get used to this face kiddo, you'll be seeing a lot of it.
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December 2018

MODS

LULW crying

⠙⠋⠉⠉⠉⠈⠉⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿ ⠀⢀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣤⣄⣀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⠀⠹⣿ ⣷⠿⠛⠋⠉⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠁⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⣷⣶⣿ ⣧⡤⠄⠀⣀⣀⣤⣬⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⠛⠲⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣋⣴⡶⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢰⣦⣙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢸⣿⣿⣷⠀⠙⣿⣿ ⡟⠋⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠈⠙⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠉⠛⠁⠀⠀⣸⣿ ⣧⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣴⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣍⡉⠿⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣬⣭⣭⣥⣤⣩⣍⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠟⠛⠋⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠛⢿⠿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣸
November 2020

Valorant fanfic

twitchquotes: "Your aim is insane." Steel said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Hiko's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to spray me?" protests Hiko, as Steel blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Hiko. "Weak ass eco play, Steel." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Hiko dropped his Sova arrow into Steel's open bombsite.
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October 2021
Hiko

Valorant

Joe from the US marines thanks Kripp for playing Diablo 2

twitchquotes: Kripp! This is Joe from the US marines, thank you so much for playing Diablo 2 again, whenever we need to torture a war criminal for information we just force him to watch, after a few minutes they all break in utter despair and boredom. God speed Kripp!
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November 2014
Kripp

forsenIQ

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣤⣤⣤⣀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠙⠛⠄⣾⡏⠉⠙⢿⣷⣄⠘⢿⣿⣿⡿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⣴⡇⢀⠄⠹⣷⣄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣆⠘⠿⠟⠁⠈⠄⠄⠁⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿ ⠁⣠⡀⠁⠄⣿⡇⢺⣧⠄⡹⣿⣦⡀⢀⣿⣿⠄⢠⣴⣦⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙ ⠸⢿⣷⡀⠄⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⡟⠊⠛⠿⡿⡿⠋⢀⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣤⡀⠹⣿⣦⢹⣿⣿⠛⢻⣷⣄⠄⣠⣤⡤⢖⣿⣯⣄⠙⢿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣷⡄⠙⢿⣷⣍⠁⢠⡀⠛⠉⡠⣿⣿⡿⣶⣌⡛⠛⠿⣦⣙⢿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⢻⣿⠖⠄⣿⣶⢋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣎⢿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠉⠣⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⡘⣇⣈⣿⣿⡟⣾⡟⠋⣛⡛⠿⠆⠄⢡⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣉⣉⣩⣾⠏⣰⣿⣿⠏⠑⡀⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⣀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢸⣿⣿⠿⠯⠘⡿⠿⠁⢐⢿⣿⣿⣷⣶⠇⠄⠄⣀⣶⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⠛⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣵⣽⡛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⢸⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

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