[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Reynad makes me want to rub one out

twitchquotes: At first I thought reynad looked like a vampire hobo. Like, literally a really damn ugly guy. But the more i watch his stream, the more im attracted to him. Something about that hair... the clothes too big for his scrawny body.. Makes me want to rub one out.. hehe anyway thanks for stream reynad
twitch chat
April 2014
Reynad

Why did I marry this angry bald internet man?

twitchquotes: It’s 11 p.m. and i've finally gotten comfortable in bed. It's been a long day and finally being able to get some rest is such a luxury. But my peace is soon broken as my husband shouts from the other room "OH COME ON! That was such BULLSHIT! Fucking highrolled AGAIN." Why did i do this to myself. Why did I marry this angry bald internet man? I haven't slept properly in months for his constant yelling throughout the night. God help me.
twitch chat
September 2020
Kripp

mizkifThumbsUp

⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣶⣶⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⡟⠁⠄⠈⢻⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⡿⠋⠉⠻⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣷⣄⣀⣠⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⢠⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄ ⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣍⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⣩⡍⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢿⠻⠮⠭⠭⠭⢭⣭⣭⣭⣛⣭⣭⠶⠿⠛⣽⢱⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⢱⡀⠄⢰⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⢇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⠄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⢛⣭⣥⣭⣤⣼⣿⡇⠤⠤⠤⣤⣤⣤⡤⢞⣥⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣛⣛⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⡙⠻⢿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⣛⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣼⣿⣿⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣴⣾⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄ ⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣀⡛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣭⣙⣛⣛⣩⣭⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀
November 2021
Mizkif

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes

twitchquotes: Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
twitch chat
December 2018

Every E-Sport needs their clown

twitchquotes: Every E-Sport needs their clown. We are privileged to have someone like Kripp in the Hearthstone community.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing