[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face

twitchquotes: I woke up this morning ready to play some LoL. I went to the toilet and did my business like every day before making some green tea. I sat at my PC ready to play but then I had the thought: maybe I should check what's on Twitch. That was 8 hours ago and now I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face.
twitch chat
May 2020
Sneaky

Hi Tyler, Cakeyler here

twitchquotes: hello tyler this is your abomination of a child, cakeyler. ever since you brought me into this world i have known nothing but pain due to my horrible mutations caused by the way you birthed me. every moment of my life is constant agony and this has made me pure toxic cakeyler. anyone who eats me will die except for you of course my father. feed me to your enemies or to anyone who is not as toxic as yourself. i love you and the damage we can do together. cakeyler signing out.
twitch chat
June 2016
Tyler1

Hardcare games like Minesweeper

twitchquotes: Kripp we are all very disappointed in you. Playing games because Blizzard will pay you? What are you? A shill now? Remember when you played hardcore games like Hearthstone, Minesweeper, or Diablo 3? Everything changed when you got a girlfriend. I'm starting to wonder if you even drink OJ anymore.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

PepeLMAO

⡿⣛⣵⣶⡿⠿⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣯⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣾⣿⣿⣭⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣶⣌⢫⣿⢻⣿⡿⡶⠖⠒⠨⢸⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠆⢃⣾⣯⠮⠂⡒⢠⣠⢄⣙⠝⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡭⠖⢒⠭⠁⠠⠕⢸⢈⣥⣬⠁⠄⢂⢠⣾⣶⠆⣦⣝⡻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠔⠠⠔⠒⠄⡨⣰⠆⢳⠾⢿⣭⣭⣶⠿⠟⠉⠄⠠⠻⣿⣮⢻⣿ ⣿⣷⠶⢒⡞⡱⡚⣠⣎⡁⠴⣊⣠⡆⣷⣿⡷⠖⣀⣠⣶⠶⠞⣁⡀⠄⠘⣿⣷⠹ ⣿⣿⣯⣴⡈⢞⢆⣿⣷⣶⣿⡿⠟⣐⣭⣴⠶⢛⣫⣥⣶⣞⢿⣷⣻⠄⠄⢸⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣶⢤⣍⡉⢡⢀⣰⠾⠟⡁⢴⣶⣹⣿⣷⡹⣿⣷⠻⠏⠄⡀⢸⣿⡇ ⣿⡟⣸⣿⡿⠋⡺⠠⡃⢀⣋⢥⣶⡻⣿⣯⢿⢷⣙⣿⣽⣰⣿⡏⣷⢰⡇⣼⣿⡇ ⣿⣇⣿⣿⡇⣿⡇⠄⠄⠻⣿⣧⢿⣷⡻⣿⣧⢿⣿⡾⣿⣧⣿⣧⡟⣼⣱⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠙⣿⣧⠸⣄⠘⠻⣵⢻⣷⡽⣿⣏⣿⣷⠿⣛⣈⡍⣰⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⠛⢷⣼⣿⣷⣌⡻⠛⣓⣛⣉⣤⠴⠿⢛⣡⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠡ ⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡦⣌⣉⣉⣉⣛⣛⣶⣶⣶⢶⣶⣶⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢋⣴⡇ ⣶⣦⣍⣛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⢓⣛⣩⡅⢰⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣒⠲⢾⣶⣶⣿⣿⠿⠟⣋⣴⣿⣿⣿
December 2018

Pepe

Hello Kripp, this is Optimus Prime

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp this is Optimus Prime responding to your encoded message. We are not interested in pouring our self in OJ while Topdecking Dongers. Please be advise that anymore beeping will leave me no choice but to pepperoni the Nazi mods.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
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