[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Find out how old is your waifu

twitchquotes: 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 28 30 find out how old is your waifu ⎝ PedoBear
twitch chat
June 2016

Does anyone else bite their Switch?

twitchquotes: Does anyone else bite their Switch? This is not a shitpost, I really do this. I don't like to rage when I'm playing online, so when something really annoying happens and I get pissed, I try not to yell or punch something. Instead, I keep a straight face and I angrily bite into my switch for a few seconds until my anger is released. The best part of this is that Nintendo seems to have built the Switch with this in mind, because the plastic material seems completely resistant to my teeth. Legit, there are never teeth marks even mere minutes after the initial chomp. What I'm wondering is, does anyone else here do the same? Am I the only munching smash player? I hope I've inspired someone to try the same, it's a super good way to take your anger out without damaging anything or making noise!
twitch chat
July 2020

Can someone explain xQc to me?

Can someone explain xQc to me? I watched his stream for the first time yesterday (always just seen him in clips) and he spent roughly 80-90% of the stream slamming his desk after he farts. Is that what all his streams are? Does he not do anything else but fart and slam all day?
June 2021
xQcOW

Fortnite default dance 8

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⣿⣶ ⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⣿⣉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⠉⣿⣶ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿ ⠀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠀⣿⣶ ⣤⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣤ ⠉⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠒⠛⠿⠿⠿ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠉⠿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⠀⠛⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣭⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣿⣿⠉
November 2018

Fortnite Default Dance

Fortnite

R-Reynad-sama? Could you please roleplay?

twitchquotes: (»° _ °«) R-Reynad-sama? Could you please, um, roleplay, so when your hero takes damage... you um, p-pretend y-you take damage...! T-thank you... (>/////<)
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Weebs

Classic

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing