[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Trump wakes up chained to the wall

twitchquotes: Trump wakes up chained to the wall of a small room with Kripp standing over him. Orange Juice begins pouring from the walls, quickly filling the space. Trump screams in horror as he struggles to get free. Kripp walks out, shuts the door and sits down to begin his stream, the white wall of the death chamber visible behind him for all his viewers to see
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Team Solo Mid

โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œ โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–Œโ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
January 2015

League of Legends

This message has been blocked by your ISP

twitchquotes: ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜๐˜š๐˜—
twitch chat
July 2017

Dear Kripparian, how dare you

twitchquotes: Dear Kripparian, how dare you... I have dedicated my life to Hearthstone. I am a proud Hearthstoner and so are the rest of your fans. You cannot betray us and start playing a Hearthstone competitor. I can fall asleep to your HS streams because of how casual it is, but this game is too complicated and it keeps me awake. If you betray us we will rise up, you have been warned.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

At least you lasted longer than NA at worlds

twitchquotes: Eeeyoo I had the most amazing sex with this girl last night. It was so good I came in 15 seconds and as I turned to look at her out of embarrassment, she put her lips to my ear and whispered "at least you lasted longer than NA at worlds" 4Head
twitch chat
October 2015

Classic

League of Legends

EU vs NA

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