[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

B emoji

β €β£ β‘Άβ Ÿβ ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β ›β »β’Άβ£„β € ⣼⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣿⣇ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ‹β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ›β »β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ €β €β£Άβ£Άβ£Άβ‘„β €β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠁⒠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ €β €β£Άβ£Άβ£Άβ£¦β €β ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ €β €β »β Ώβ Ÿβ ‹β €β’€β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣢⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ Ⓕ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑟ β €β ™β Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ώβ ‹β €
May 2019

I’m addicted to plants versus zombies rule 34

One rainy night my parents were out and as a horny 13 yr old I was horny as shit. Jokingly I searched β€œplants vs zombies rule 34. And what I found was fucking amazing it’s eye candy. I want the pea shooter to sit on my dick. Day by day searching the web for some plants verses zombies hentai. It got so bad that I broke up with my gf because I like pvs hentai more than her. My favorite is pea shooter her drawings are gold, her big juicy mommy milkers are drawn with quality.
August 2021

NSFW

Mario

β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–“β–“β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–€β–€β–„β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–“β–“β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–€β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–“β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’
November 2014

I hate that guy's emotes so much

twitchquotes: I hate that guy's emotes so much. They all look like some 6 year old made them in MS Paint, and I'm not talking about the purposefully bad ones. And all they do is portray emotions already done by the default emotes; The best custom emotes are ones that do things you can't easily do with the defaults. And the insufferable people who use those emotes find any reason to use any of them, even if they're not related, because they're that proud of a 4.99 purchase. I'd rather sub to a guy I liked watc
twitch chat
September 2017
MOONMOON

My 86-year-old grandmother replied "OK, boomer" to my boomer aunt in an argument

Backstory: I live round the corner from my gran and visit her often so thanks to me she has a vague grasp of what memes are and how they work. The other day when I was round at hers and she asked what memes were popular at the moment so I told her about the "OK boomer" meme. She knew what boomers were already so she was able to get the concept of this meme fairly easily. Fast forward to today, I'm over at my gran's again, and she's on the phone to my aunt. They got into a disagreement over a slightly racist comment my aunt made the other day (my gran is very much against racism) and my gran eventually just said "OK boomer" and hung up. I've never been so proud. UPDATE: So I told my gran about this post and the reaction it got - she said she's glad that so many of you enjoyed her little joke and that it proves she's still young at heart. I agree with that 100%.
December 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing