[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

I want to smash

twitchquotes: I want to smash. No, not sex, not even in a physical way. I want to sit down and play Super Smash Bros. Ultimate while laughing and having a good time. I want to play 1v1’s. I want to play on your team against lvl. 3 CPU’s. You can be Kirby. I can play Jigglypuff. No items.
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

Not your naked body

Listen to me, chat. You have a problem

twitchquotes: Listen to me, chat. You have a problem. We both know you're depressed, anxious, and unhealthy in general. You spend all day on Twitch enjoying games vicariously through others and spamming copypastas in chat. This has to stop. I'm asking you NOT to copy and paste this message, but go outside for a change. Get a new hobby. Make some friends. Turn over a new leaf. It's your only hope at this point.
twitch chat
April 2018

Kurumx and Soju fanfic

twitchquotes: "THIS GAME IS FUCKIN GARBAGE!" Kurum yelled, voice cracking slightly in exasperation. "What's wrong Huney-Krum?" Soju called out from the kitchen. "I JUST WENT 5TH TO A FUCKIN BOT... and what the hell did you call me, bowl cut?" Kurum responded, still fuming. "Well, you told me if I called you 'My little Krummy Wummy' one more time you were gonna kick my ass..." Soju pouted, his head peeking around the kitchen door frame "Look, if you take a little break, I know where you can still be top 1..
twitch chat
February 2021
k3soju

Teamfight Tactics

United Nations logo

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⢉⣀⣤⣤⣶⡆⢰⣶⡤⢤⣀⡉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⢀⣴⣿⣿⠟⠉⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠇⠀⠀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠠⣾⡿⠛⠁⣴⣿⣿⠿⠛⢋⣩⣤⡄⢠⡆⢰⣤⣀⣠⣍⡙⠛⠋⠙⢿⣦⠈⠛⢿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⢰⡏⢀⣴⣄⠘⠛⢁⣠⣎⣿⣿⠿⠛⠒⠃⠘⠛⠛⠏⢻⠿⠆⠀⠀⠀⠃⣠⣦⡀⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠁⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠏⢰⣿⣿⡿⢃⣀⠙⢿⠛⢉⣠⣴⣶⣿⡇⢸⣿⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⡆⠹⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠈⢿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⣸⠃⢠⣿⣿⠏⢠⣾⣿⠃⢀⠘⢿⣿⠇⠛⠉⡁⢈⠉⠛⠻⣿⡿⠃⡀⠐⠀⡀⠀⠈⢻⣿⡄⠘⣇⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⣿ ⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⢀⣿⣿⠏⢠⣿⡿⠁⣰⣿⣦⠀⠁⢴⣾⣿⠇⠸⡿⠷⠆⠈⠀⠴⠁⠀⠀⢸⣄⡀⠸⣿⣿⡀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹ ⠩⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠁⣼⣿⡿⠀⣾⣿⡇⣰⡿⠿⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⠆⢀⣿⣷⠀⢿⣿⣧⠈⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠍ ⠀⢇⠀⠀⡐⠀⣿⠀⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠃⣿⠃⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣾⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠀⣿⠀⢂⠀⠀⡸⠀ ⠀⠘⠄⠘⠀⢀⣿⠀⣤⣤⡄⢠⣤⡤⠀⠀⡠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⢀⣤⣤⡄⢠⣤⣤⠀⣿⡀⠀⠃⠠⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⠀⢿⣿⣧⠈⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⣈⠀⢳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⡔⢸⣿⣿⠁⣸⣿⡿⠀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠡⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⢹⡆⠈⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣹⣧⠀⠁⢰⣿⣶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡿⠁⣼⣿⡏⢀⣿⣿⠇⢰⡏⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠌ ⠀⠁⢆⠀⡎⠀⠈⣿⡄⠠⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢁⣴⣶⣮⡉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢀⣾⡟⠏⢠⣾⣷⠎⢠⣿⠁⠀⢱⠀⡰⠈⠀ ⣆⠀⠀⠡⡀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⢁⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠇⣠⣿⣿⡏⢀⣾⠋⠀⠀⢈⠎⠀⠀⣰ ⣿⡦⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠈⠷⡄⠻⢿⠿⢃⣀⠀⠴⣶⣶⣤⣌⣁⣀⡀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠃⣀⡘⠿⡿⠟⢠⡾⠁⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢴⣿ ⣿⣷⡀⠑⠄⡀⠀⢃⠀⠀⢻⣦⡀⠀⠾⣿⣷⣦⡈⠙⠻⠿⣿⣏⡁⢸⣿⣅⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣾⣿⡷⠀⢀⣴⡟⠀⠀⡘⠀⢀⡠⠊⢀⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠈⠑⠤⡀⠀⢀⠉⠻⣦⡀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣤⡀⢀⣠⣤⣴⣤⣴⣾⣿⠿⠛⢁⣴⠟⠉⡀⠀⢀⠤⠊⠁⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⠀⠈⠻⣿⣶⣤⡉⠙⠛⠿⠿⢿⡇⢸⡿⠿⠿⠛⠋⢉⣤⣶⣿⠟⠁⠀⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠉⠒⠒⠠⠤⠀⠄⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠠⠀⠤⠄⠒⠒⠈⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⡄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡠⠤⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢈⡁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠤⢄⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢠⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠊⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠁⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣴⣶⣾⠁⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠈⣷⣶⣦⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
May 2021

Hello NA? Enjoy your vacation

twitchquotes: 📞 4Head HELLO NA? 📞 4Head EU HERE 📞 4Head ENJOY YOUR VACATION 📞 4Head
twitch chat
May 2017

League of Legends

EU vs NA

Text-to-Speech Playing