[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

jerma got so angry at the one guy in chat

One day jerma got so angry at the one guy in chat who was being mean and spamming residentsleeper, he quite literally stuck his hands into his screen and yanked really hard. Out came this 5'9 brown haired highschooler who instantly began begging for his life. However, jerma growled really loud and started chanting the lyrics to "I'm a Walrus" by the beatles. The mods, the chat, no one could stop what happened next. Chat was spamming PauseChamp. Then Jerma just grabbed the poor highschooler by his neck and lifted him off the floor and began to spin him really fast.. His guts came flying out with the sheer force that jerma used to spin him. The camera was stained with blood and chat was all spamming monkaW and "LULW typical One guy moment". After a couple of moments jerma wiped the red marking from the camera and sat back down as if nothing happened. The weirdest part was that he started talking about soy milk and how he wasn't a sponsor with any soy milk company. He seemed quite annoyed that he wasnt a sponsor but continued to elaborate on how much he loved soy milk, but only that one specific brand of soy milk. I'm telling you, the one guy residentsleeper spammers are annoying as hell. EDIT: Unfortunately that segment of the VOD was deleted due to DMCA issues with Jerma singing The Beatles.
July 2022
Jerma985

Kripp's the best arena player in the world

twitchquotes: All you idiots pretend like Kripp misplays, but really you know he's the best arena player in the world and that he hasn't made a misplay in the last 6 months, he just gets super unlucky you ignorant fools. You guys are so dumb that you'll probably copy and paste this message too, you morons.
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

xqcJuice

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⡀⣀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠙⠛⠉⠁⠀ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠶⠾⠿⠶⠾⠷⠖⠒⠚⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠄⣴⠒⠶⠶⢾⣿⣶ ⣴⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡶⠂⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⠋⠃⢾⠃⠀⠀⡦⠀⣹⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣦⣴⣾⢇⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣼⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⠟⠃ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀ ⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀ ⡀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⢰⣶⣶⣶⣶⠙⡛⠛⠀ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡶⠶⠌⠛⠃⢋⠀⠀ ⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⠋⢠⣤⡀⠲⣾⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠃⠈⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡌⣿⣿⣦⣄⠙⠁⣔⣴⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿
April 2021
xQcOW

Just kidding, it's still Tanner

twitchquotes: H-hey Octavian, do you remember me from Biology? Freshman year? It's Laura. I just wanted to stop by since you missed the last reunion, I was looking for you. I always thought you were really smart and talented, but I could never work up the nerve to tell you. Anyway, I hope you're doing well...HAHA Just kidding, it's still Tanner you fucking gullible idiot lmfao. Anyway, the gym awaits, see ya man good talk.
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp

Classic

Tanner from High School

Olombo Bongo from Somalia

twitchquotes: hi kripp i em olombo bongo frm Somalia. erryday i watch u strem u are favourit stremmer i sell kidney for a laptop 2 i can watch u strem. i work in bannana facotry an 1 day i cum to america LAND OF FREEDDOM so i be lyke u and strem 4 monies insted of pick banana, WOO USAsss al pacino, malcolm in middle, stevo-o, mike 'the situation' sorrentino.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing