[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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August 2019

I love you chat FeelsGoodMan

⣿⠭⣿⣿⡏⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⠿⣿⠿⠻⣿⣿⡛⣿⡟⢻⠟⣫⡙⣿⠛⣿⢻⣿ ⣿⠄⣿⣿⡇⣿⢋⣶⡆⣿⠈⢏⣼⠃⣬⠕⣿⣿⣷⡘⢡⣿⠸⠟⣡⣿⠠⢟⢸⣿ ⣿⣼⣿⣿⣤⣿⣬⣭⣶⣿⣧⡾⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣯⣙⡁⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡛⣻⡇⢟⠋⣿⣏⠭⠈⣯⡆⢰⡾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡃⣾⠟⣻⠁⣿⠄⣟⢑⣫⣀⣿⣇⣨⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣳⣴⣿⠿⠯⠽⣻⢿⣿⡿⣟⣻⣿⣿⣿⣛⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣫⣾⣿⣫⣵⣶⣿⡿⠿⠶⠮⠙⠿⠛⣛⣩⣭⡭⠟⠛⠚⠛⣻⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⢹⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⡫⢕⣢⠭⠤⢤⣤⣏⣩⠪⣙⡠⢤⡩⠍⠄⢤⣄⡰⢙⣿ ⣿⢳⣏⣾⣿⣿⡩⠭⣱⣶⣿⠁⠨⠐⠂⢹⣿⣿⣿⣮⣾⣿⠄⠥⠐⠂⢹⣿⣿⣾ ⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣞⠽⢻⠦⢀⣀⣤⠾⢿⣛⡯⣛⣻⣿⠦⢀⣀⣴⣛⡻⣯⣿ ⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣩⣶⡶⠶⢤⣤⣝⣛⡻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⣃⡻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣽⣛⠷⢾⣭⣝⣛⣛⡻⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢟⣛⢫⣿⣿ ⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣭⣽⣛⣛⣛⣛⡛⠻⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣻⣾⣿⣿ ⠄⠁⠨⠑⠲⠭⢭⣭⣽⣙⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠭⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠒⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2019

Pepe

Pride month is over.

Pride month is over. pride month is over. All gay people instantly begin to spontaneously combust, trans people begin to morph into various citrus fruits and are sold as novelty items from a different time. Bisexual people are instantly split in half by the invisible blade of corporate disinterest and the non-bianries are legally banned from using the number 0 in any scenario. The pride flags and corporate twitter profile pictures are instantly detonated to make room for more advertisements, posters promoting diversity and inclusivity are ripped down and destroyed by once-inclusive teachers all across the country. and the price of lube decreases by an average of 76% worldwide. Pride month is over. Greed month is upon us. May all who savoured their taste of freedom, cower in the face of pure capitalism, and use the link https://nordvpn.com/superthrash767 when signing up to nord vpn...
July 2022
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