[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Silence Liberal

โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆ โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€
ascii art
February 2021

Stop posting useless stuff in chat

twitchquotes: Cแด€ษด สแดแดœ แด€สŸสŸ แดŠแดœsแด› sแด›แดแด˜ แด˜แดsแด›ษชษดษข แด›สœแด‡sแด‡ แดœษดษดแด‡แด„แด‡ssแด€ส€ษชสŸส สŸแดษดษข แด˜แดsแด›s แด˜สŸแด‡แด€sแด‡? Tสœแด‡ แดษดสŸส ส€แด‡แด€sแดษด สแดแดœ แด˜แดsแด› แด›สœแด‡แด ษชs แด›แด แด›ส€ส แด€ษดแด… ส™แด€ษชแด› sแดแดแด‡แดษดแด‡ ษชษดแด›แด แด„แดแด˜ส แด€ษดแด… แด˜แด€sแด›ษชษดษข แด›สœแด‡แด. Wสœแด€แด› ษชา“ แดกแด‡ แด€สŸสŸ แดŠแดœsแด› ษขแด€แด แด‡ ษชษดแด›แด‡ส€แด‡sแด›ษชษดษข แด ษชแด‡แดกs แด€ษดแด… แดแด˜ษชษดษชแดษดs แด€ส™แดแดœแด› แด›สœแด‡ sแด›ส€แด‡แด€แด ษชษดsแด›แด‡แด€แด… แดา“ แด˜แดsแด›ษชษดษข แดœsแด‡สŸแด‡ss sแด›แดœา“า“? PสŸแด‡แด€sแด‡ I ส™แด‡ษข สแดแดœ แด›แดกษชแด›แด„สœ แด„สœแด€แด›, แด›แด sแด›แดแด˜ แดกษชแด›สœ แด›สœษชs ษดแดษดsแด‡ษดsแด‡.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Blockchain NFT Gaming

The year is 2030. It's a rainy Saturday afternoon. You've just finished mining 30 obsidian ore playing Crypto Crush Saga, a match-3 mobile game. You open up The Elder Chains Online and feel a rush of excitement. Your school buddy has spent years becoming a Master Blacksmith, and he has agreed to turn 10 obsidian into an Obsidian Battlestaff, a HUGE upgrade over the Mithril Mace youโ€™ve been wielding for the last months. Itโ€™ll take him an hour or so. In the meantime, you log into Clash of Guilds, and use the remaining obsidian to upgrade your town hall to the next level. That should keep your village safe for now. You wish you could fast forward time to tonight. Your Guild has plans to go for a deep run into the wilderness in Old School Rune Chains, and your prospects of a successful run (and great loot) have never been better. All guild members have been spending the past 2 weeks grinding for better weapons, and youโ€™ve agreed (through a vote) to use the Guild treasury to buy everyone a new full set of Red Dragonhide Armor. Tonightโ€™s objective is to kill the level 128 Frost Giant hiding in the Cave of Sorrow. He has a 5% chance of dropping an Immaculate Orb of Brilliance, of which there are currently only 4 in existence. The Orb can be used as a power source in an upcoming space exploration game, and should give your guild a great advantage in reaching distant galaxies first. A 5% drop rate is low, but youโ€™re feeling optimistic. In the distance, you hear a faint 'BloCkChAIn doEsNT bRiNg AnYtHiNg nEW tO gAmES'. You shrug, and join your friends in the Discord voice channel. Life is good.
July 2022

Cryptocurrency

NFTs

Lucentbark summon quote

twitchquotes: ๐ŸŒณ THIS ๐ŸŒฒ IS ๐ŸŒด NOT ๐ŸŽ„ YOUR ๐ŸŒฒ HOME ๐ŸŒณ INVADER ๐ŸŒฒ
twitch chat
May 2019

Hearthstone

I sexually identify as Harambe

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Harambe. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of living in a gorilla enclosure at Cincinnati zoo and dragging children. People say to me that a person being Harambe is impossible and I'm retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install the name Harambe, harmless intentions and a gorillas body on me. From now on I want you guys to call me "Harambe" and respect my right to roam around the gorilla enclosure and drag around small children. If you can't accept me you're an agrizoophobe and need to check your zoo official privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
August 2016

Harambe

I sexually Identify as

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