[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Spam emotes every time Mario does his jump attack

twitchquotes: Hey guys, I'm here from Maple Story, just wanted to say that I can see why you were being a bunch of immature children in chat - seeing as you literally play a kids game. Honestly, it's just sad seeing you losers spam emotes every time Mario does his jump attack or whatever. Grow up!
twitch chat
January 2019

EVO

You fool. The statement "It's opposite day" is paradoxical by nature.

You fool. You imbecile. You absolute buffoon. You cannot simply say "I'm gay! It's Opposite Day btw". The statement "It's Opposite Day" is paradoxical by nature. With the logic that everything said during Opposite Day is untrue, saying "It's Opposite Day" on Opposite Day negates that statement. Because the statement "It's Opposite Day" is now untrue, it is no longer Opposite Day and therefore your original remark is now correct. That means it IS opposite day, and a neverending cycle that is known as The Liar's Paradox is created. You were a complete idiot not to invoke the conditional clause. For example, if you were to say, "If it were opposite day, I'd be gay!" your statement would not be holed. You have been snared within a web of your own making. Listen to the sky crack and fall. The universe will implode on itself and it's your own fault.
September 2021

๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„!!

๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„!! Now that itโ€™s finally DICKmas ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ’ฆSantaโ€™s about to slide ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ˜‰ down your hot ๐Ÿ”ฅ hot ๐Ÿ”ฅchimney tonight. So lick ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’‹those juicy candy canes and drink up that creamy eggnog๐Ÿผ, itโ€™s about to get wet down at Santaโ€™s workshop๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†! Donโ€™t forgot to slide down that XXXtra ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿพ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿพ big North Pole, and make sure your ๐Ÿช cookie ๐Ÿชis yummy enough for Santa to eat๐Ÿ‘„! ๐Ÿ‘€ But are you bad enough to handle Santaโ€™s giant juicy 8=candy๐Ÿ‘Š๐ŸผCOCK=D๐Ÿ’ฆ?? Send this to ๐Ÿ”Ÿ of your baddest bitch elves๐Ÿ’๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿพ If you get 5๏ธโƒฃ back, youre on the naughty list this year๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ’ฆ! If you get ๐Ÿ”Ÿ back you better be ready for Santaโ€™s hot โ™จ๏ธCUMlateโ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ˜ญ If you get 2๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ back youโ€™ve got the most bitchin ๐Ÿฌpeppermint ๐Ÿฌpussy in the North Pole! โ„๏ธโ›„ Hope you get to blow ๐ŸŒฌ lots of XXXmas ๐ŸŽ„dick, and that you get lots of XXXmas ๐ŸŽ„CUMMIES ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’ HAVE A SLUTTY ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘…DICKMAS YOU HOE HOE HOE!!! ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿพ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿฟ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿฝ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผ
April 2022

Emoji Pasta

Christmas

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Do not call your significant other honey

Do ๐Ÿ‘ not ๐Ÿ‘ call ๐Ÿ‘ your ๐Ÿ‘ significant ๐Ÿ‘ other ๐Ÿ‘ honey ๐Ÿ‘ unless ๐Ÿ‘ you ๐Ÿ‘ are ๐Ÿ‘ a ๐Ÿ‘ bee ๐Ÿ‘ you ๐Ÿ‘ are ๐Ÿ‘ appropriating ๐Ÿ‘ bee ๐Ÿ‘ culture, ๐Ÿ‘ this ๐Ÿ‘ cannot ๐Ÿ‘ bee ๐Ÿ‘ accepted ๐Ÿ‘
October 2021

Stop posting ResidentSleeper face

twitchquotes: Guys stop posting ResidentSleeper face. Not many know, but that ResidentSleeper guy actually died while streaming Resident Evil. People just assumed that was sleeping, but he died of dehydration. Please respect the dead and stop posting this morbid image ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
March 2015
Forsen
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