[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

I downloaded Sonic games on my school computer

So yesterday in class we were all given our new Windows computers (last year, I hacked the chromebooks so they could play Sonic Advance) and I immediately downloaded twenty-five PC Sonic games within one hour and installed two dozen emulators to play the console and handheld ones. After we all got our computers, I bragged about having the ability to play 60 Sonic games. The teacher confisticated my computer and said I would have to use the chromebooks for the rest of the year. She also said that Sonic was a dead franchise and that Fortnite was better in every way. That was really no good and SLOW of her! So I ripped my computer out of my Sonic-hating teacher and screamed "YOU SLUTTY SLOW SONIC HATER! YOU'RE JUST TOO SLOW!" I also went to her macbook, and deleted Fortnite and installed more Sonic games and played Gotta Go Fast to the whole class. She gave me an F, which is impossible since E is the lowest rank and S is the highest, and sent me to the principal's office, where I was suspended and they called my parents, who took away my Game Gear. When I get back, I'll make sure they pay for being TOO SLOW.
July 2021

7 Flamestrikes

twitchquotes: Wait a minute . . . 7 Flamestrikes . . . Thats 49 mana . . . There's 49 confirmed illuminati members . . . This guy . . . He's illuminati . . .
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

You are such a large pepperoni, why aren't you a pizza

twitchquotes: "Kripp my son," say the Papparin, "you are such a large pepperoni, why aren't you a pizza." But the Kripp don't respond. He elopes to Greece and runs his hand through his unshaven face scruff and say "Well met!" to the twisted Succubus. Alone in his heart, Papparin commits sudoku at a Starbucks in San Bernardino with Al Pacino, no cappucino.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Ban one brother and you get the whole trailer park

twitchquotes: KKona BAN KKona ONE KKona BROTHER KKona AND KKona YOU KKona GET KKona THE KKona WHOLE KKona TRAILER KKona PARK
twitch chat
March 2017

MODS

Ban X Get The Whole Y

Don't Sus With Me, Miss Nagatoro

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⡄⠀⣃⣠⣤⣬⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠆⠀⠀⠀⣠⣀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⡴⢄⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣦⣽⣼⣀⣜⣠⣿⣿⣴⡄⠀⣽⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠠⢰⠆⢢⣤⣼⣿⣿⣧⣶⣶⡖⠀⠀⠀⢈⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⠉⠉⠁⠀⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠠⡀⢺⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣥⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⣀⣀⡀⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠈⠣⠴⡾⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠻⠿⠿⠛⠿⠿⢛⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣛⣫⣵⣾⣿⣿⠿⠋⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢰⣶⣿⣿⣟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢸⣿⣦⣝⠻⡿⣡⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢀⣤⣴⣶⣿⡹⣿⣿⣿⡟⣵⢰⡟⣴⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢀⣯⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣝⣩⣾⣿⢎⣤⣙⣴⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⣿⡆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣷⣌⡿⠿⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⡿⣡⡇⠐⠀⣿⣿⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢀⢻⣿⢏⡶⣿⣿⣿⣷⡍⢿⡷⢟⣫⣭⡛⣰⣿⠣⠁⣸⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢠⠀⡾⣸⣿⣎⢡⣿⢿⣿⡿⢛⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡇⣋⣭⣧⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⢀⣇⢿⢸⣿⡘⠏⢼⡟⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣐⣻⣿⠋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⣿⣿⣦⡘⣿⢸⣿⠌⣸⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣴⣿⣝⢿⣿⡔⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣬⣛⠿⣷⡍⣾⣿⠀⣿⣿⠿⣫⣔⢿⣿⣿⣿⢘⣿⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢡⣬⣉⣛⠲⠶⠜⣛⣒⣤⣤⣛⣛⣿⣆⣉⡛⠉⣈⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣷⣶⠆⣤⣤⣤⡄⢠⣤⣤⣤⣄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⣿⣿⣿⡏⢸⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢠⢠⣿⣿⣿⠃⣺⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⡀⣭⣭⣭⣭⣤⣭⡍⠉⠀⠛⠛⠻⠿⠈⣥⣤⣤⠀⠀⠼⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣝⠻⣿⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠘⠛⠿⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣍⣛⣛⠛⠿⠿⢛⣋⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣬⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
August 2021

Among Us / Amogus

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