[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Allu is a tactical genius

twitchquotes: Allu is a tactical genius. He is best known for his signature tactic ”going B, but then benching AleksiB”. He also has a second little known tactic of ”going A, but then going home without any wins”. What an absolute legend. Top 3 IGL 4 sure.
twitch chat
October 2020

CSGO

Leper gnome into the Twisted Nether

twitchquotes: "Yᎏ᎜ʀ ᮅᮇᮄᮋ ɪs ᎄʀᎀᎢʏ.” Fᎏʀsᮇɮ sᎀɪᎅ, ᮀs ʜᎇ sʟɪ᎘᎘ᎇᎅ ʜɪs ғᎇᎍɪɎɪɎᎇ ʜᎀɎᎅ ɪɎ᎛ᎏ Tʀ᎜ᎍ᎘s’s ᮘᮀɮᮛs ᮀɮᮅ sᎍɪʀᎋᎇᎅ. “Aʀᎇ ʏᎏ᎜ ᎛ʀʏɪɎɢ ᮛᮏ ᮛᮏᮘ-ᮅᮇᮄᮋ ᮍᮇ?” ᎘ʀᎏ᎛ᎇsᮛs Tʀ᎜ᎍ᎘, ᮀs Fᎏʀsᮇɮ ʙʟ᎜sʜᎇs, ᎛ʜᎇ ʙᎏʏɪsʜ ғɪɢ᎜ʀᎇ ᎜Ɏᎅʀᎇssᮇᮅ ʙᎇғᎏʀᎇ Tʀ᎜ᎍ᎘. “Wᮇᮀᮋ ᮛᮇᮍᮘᮏ ᎘ʟᎀʏ, Fᎏʀsᮇɮ.” Tʜᎇ ᎛Ꭱᎏ ᎋɪssᮇᮅ, ᎅᎇᎇ᎘ʟʏ ᮀɮᮅ ᮘᮀssɪᎏɎᎀ᎛ᎇʟʏ, ᮀɮᮅ ᎀғ᎛ᎇʀᎡᎀʀᎅs Fᎏʀsᮇɮ ᎘ʟᎀᎄᎇs ʜɪs ʟᎇ᎘ᎇʀ ɢɎᎏᎍᎇ ɪɎ᎛ᎏ ᎛ʀ᎜ᎍ᎘s's ᎛Ꭱɪsᮛᮇᮅ Ɏᎇ᎛ʜᎇʀ
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

Imaqtpie was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church

twitchquotes: qtpie i know things are hard now with being excommunicated from the roman catholic church and all but listen to me. You're going to be okay and make it through this friend. good luck and god.... nvm just bless you...
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

Sylvester the Cat

──────────────────────▐▒█─────██──────── ─────────────────────▐▓─█──▐─▄███─────── ─────────────────────▐──███████▌──────── ─────────────────────▐─███████─█▌─────── ─────────────────────▐█████████▌──────── ─────────────────────██░░██████▌──────── ────────────█▀▀▀▀█──██░░░███░▐█───────── ──────────█▀▀█───▀▀███░░▐██░░██───────── ─────────█▀─────────██░░███░░█▌──▄────── ────────██────▀▀██───▀▀▀▀██░▐▌▀▀▀▀▀▀█▄── ───────██────────██▄████▄▀▀▀▀───────▀█▌─ ───────█─────────▐▀████████▄──────────█─ ───────█▄────────▐─███████████▀▀▀▀▄───▀▌ ─────▄▄─█▄───────▐─▀█████████▀▌───▌────█ ────██─█─█▄──▄▄──▐▄─▀███████▀─▌────────█ ────█──█──▀▀▀▀█▄──█▄──▀▀▀▀▀──██────────█ ───▐█──█▄──────▀██─▀▀▀▄▄▄─▄█▀▀▄────────█ ──▐▓██─█─────────▀█─────▀▀▀▄█▀▀█▄▄─────█ ─▐█──█─█▌─────────▀█─────██▀────▀▀█▄─█─█ ▄▀▀─▒▀█▓█▌─────────█────██─────────▀▀███ ▐──▒▀───▀█─────────█───██─────────────█─ ▐─▓▓─────▓▌───────▐█───██▄▄───────────── ▐─██────▄█▌──────▐█▌──██████▌─────────── ─▀█▀▀▀─▄█▌──────▐█▌──▒███████▌────────── ──▐───▄▌───────▐█▌───█████████▌───────── ──▐▄─██▌──────▐█▌────██████████───────── ───████──────██▌─█──▒███████████──────── ───████▒──▐████─▓▓──████████████▌─────── ───███████████▌─────█████████████─────── ───███████████──────█████▒███████▌────── ───██████████▌──────▒████▒─███████▌───── ───▓█████████────────█████──███████───── ────████████▌────────██████──██████───── ─────██▒───█─────────██████──██████▌──── ──────────▐▌──────────██████──█████▌──── ──────────█───────────███████─█████▌──── ─────────▐▌────────────████████████▌──── ─────────█▌────────────████──▓█████───── ─────────█──────────────██───────██───── ─────────█─────────────▐██▓█──────▌───── ────────▐▌─────────────█──▒▓──────█───── ────────▐▌────────────▐▓──────────█───── ─────────█─────────────█────▒────▓▌───── ─────────█▌────────────▐▓██████▓██▌───── ─────────██──────────────█████████────── ─────────██▒────────────██████████▌───── ─────────████──────────████████████───── ─────────█████▒───────█████████████───── ─────────████████▒─▒████████████████──── ─────────███████████████████████████▌─── ─────────████████████████████████████─── ──────────██████████████████████─████▌── ──────────▐▒███████████████████───████── ─────▐▀▀▀▀▒─█████████████████──────███▌─ ───▐██────▀▀▀███████████████──▄▄▄▄─▐██▌─ ──▐▀──▓───────────▀████▀────▀▀▀──▀█─▐██▌ ──█──█──────────────▒─────────────▌──██▌ ──███─────────────▄▄█▄────────────▌──▐█▌ ───▐███───────▄▀▀▀▀──▐▄▄▄────────▄█▌──█▌ ──────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀─────────▐▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀██▀───▐▌
September 2021

Here 💊 CUMS 💊 SANTA (Christmas Emoji Pasta)

Here 💊CUMS💊 🎅🏜Santa Claus,🎅🏜 here 💊CUMS💊 🎅🏜Santa Claus,🎅🏜 right down 👩🏜👞🏜slutty girl lane!👩🏜👞🏜 ❌🚫❌🚫STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!❌🚫❌🚫 Is your 👚🏻👚🏻daddy👚🏻👚🏻 not giving you enough 💊💊💊cummies?!💊💊💊 Hold up,🙅🏜🙅🏜🙅🏜 ho! It's 💊💊cummy💊💊 ❄💊❄SEASON!❄💊❄ Push✋🏜✋🏜 that 👚🏻👚🏻daddy👚🏻👚🏻 to the ⏩⏩side⏩⏩ and let a 👌🏜NEW👌🏜 father in 🏡YOUR CHIMNEY!! 🏡 🎅🏜🎅🏜🎅🏜Father CHRISTMAS,🎅🏜🎅🏜🎅🏜 the 👑👑KING👑👑 of 💊cummies!💊 That's right,👍🏌 he's been making 👧🏜little👧🏜 👧🏜girls👧🏜 squishy for 6⃣ CENTURIES. Don't ❎❎ mind the old saying; he ONLY makes the 💊😫😫😈NAUGHTIEST😈😫😫💊girls ☁squishy☁! So send this to all the 😌nastiest😌 👧🏜girls👧🏜 you know and share❗Those❗Cummies❗Get 0⃣ back and you're a basic 🌑🌑coal-slinging bitch.🌑🌑 Get 5⃣ back and you get 👅eaten👅 like 🍪cookies🍪and 👅💊slurped💊👅 like 🍌milk!🍌 Get 1⃣0⃣ back and 🎅🏜Santa's🎅🏜 big 🍆🍆COCK🍆🍆 will grow⏫⏫ 3⃣ sizes inside of you!😫😩 Get 1⃣5⃣ back and you become Mrs. Claus, and get 🍑🍌🍆yummy 🍒🍭🍌nummy 🍌💊☁squishy🍌💊☁ 💧💧cummies💧💧 until next ⏩🌚☃Christmas!🌚☃
December 2021

Emoji Pasta

Christmas

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Text-to-Speech Playing