[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Only the chosen one can hold this taco

twitchquotes: TBTacoLeft TBCheesePull TBTacoRight Only the chosen one can hold this taco⎝ OpieOP
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For 5 years this Braum subs to Sneaky

twitchquotes: For 5 years this Braum subs to Sneaky. He climbs up from Bronze 3 to Diamond over the course of 4 years. Finally the day comes; he gets to play with Mr Scudderi. He picks Braum goes 1/10 gets flamed. He turns to alcohol and hard drugs. Starts beating his dog. Ends it in his mother's basement.
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August 2019
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League of Legends

Rasputin

⡯⣫⢯⡫⣏⢯⢯⢯⢯⢯⣟⡿⠛⠉⠁⠐⣿⢿⣟⡿⣽⣻⣽⣟⣿⢿⣿⣿⣟⡿⣿⢽⣻⢽⡯⣟⡽⣯⣻⢽⢯⣻⢽⢽⢽⢽⢽⢽⢽⢽ ⡯⣺⣕⢯⢾⢽⢽⡽⣿⠛⠁⠄⢀⢀⠄⢅⢴⣿⢾⣽⣯⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠠⠄⠈⠙⠿⣯⢿⣳⡯⣯⢟⡾⡽⡽⡽⡽⡽⡽⡽⣽ ⡯⣺⢮⢯⡳⡯⡷⡿⠃⢀⢔⢈⠐⠨⠨⢂⠩⣽⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠐⡐⡔⠄⠄⢀⠄⢈⠙⢯⣿⡽⣯⢯⢿⡽⣽⢽⢽⢽⢽⣽ ⣟⢮⡻⡮⡯⡿⣿⠄⠌⠂⠂⢀⠂⡄⢄⣔⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⢄⠠⣢⡖⠝⡂⢀⠄⠂⢀⠂⡂⠸⣿⣟⣿⢽⡽⣽⢽⢯⣟⣗⣿ ⣗⢯⢯⢯⣟⣽⡿⢀⠆⢀⠠⣐⠈⠎⠫⢈⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⢀⠢⡝⡚⠁⠄⠄⠄⢂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠡⠘⢿⣻⣽⢯⣗⣟⣗⣗⡷⣽ ⡯⣫⡯⣗⡷⣿⡇⠄⢀⢀⠢⣣⢿⡿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢀⣿⡆⠄⠄⠐⢈⠐⠩⠂⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠔⠰⡠⠂⢈⠠⠈⣻⣿⣟⣷⣫⢾⣺⢽⣺ ⣯⡳⡯⣗⣟⡿⠄⢀⢔⣼⣾⡏⢢⢻⣽⣿⠄⠄⢈⣿⣧⠄⠄⣁⣠⣠⣴⣼⣿⣿⣿⣾⣦⣤⣁⠁⠂⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣷⣻⡽⣞⡯⣿ ⣗⢯⣻⡽⣾⡁⠄⣲⣵⣿⣿⢇⢱⠐⠐⠅⠃⠄⠐⢽⣿⡯⡸⣷⣿⣟⣾⡿⣿⣟⣿⢿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⡾⣯⣗⡯⣿ ⣯⢯⢷⣻⡿⠄⠄⡿⣿⢿⣽⣳⡝⡼⡸⡵⠄⠄⠤⣔⣽⢇⢗⡯⣷⣿⣷⡿⣟⡷⡽⡽⡽⣯⣿⣽⢿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣷⣗⡯⣿ ⡯⣯⢿⣽⡇⠄⢔⣽⣿⣿⡿⣟⣜⢮⣻⣽⣷⣝⣿⣿⣿⠸⡽⣽⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣳⣻⢽⡿⡿⡻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣻⡾⣽⣻ ⣯⢷⣻⣽⠄⢌⣮⣿⣾⢿⣿⣗⡵⣳⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⢐⠠⠑⠙⠝⠺⢫⣿⣽⠨⠃⠁⢀⣀⠁⠑⢯⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⢯⡷⣿ ⣿⣽⢯⡏⠄⠌⡞⣿⢺⣽⣿⡷⣟⡮⣿⢿⣽⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠢⡑⠜⡎⡆⢀⣿⣿⢿⡻⡑⢕⡺⣿⣫⣞⣾⣿⣿⠐⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⡯⣯⣿ ⣿⣾⠟⠄⢀⢑⢬⣇⡫⣿⣿⣿⣽⣾⣽⢿⣿⡿⠁⠠⢡⢱⠰⡠⡑⠜⢐⢐⣽⣿⣿⣷⣧⢧⣻⣾⣯⣿⣿⣿⡟⠠⠄⠄⠄⢸⢿⣽⢷⣿ ⠟⣜⢄⢰⢨⠪⡕⡦⣏⢿⢽⡽⡷⣗⢯⠛⠁⠄⠄⠐⠈⡢⢑⠔⠌⠂⢐⢵⣿⣿⣿⡷⣿⡿⣷⢷⣿⣽⣿⡿⠁⡀⡂⣀⠄⣼⣿⣻⣽⣻ ⡕⣺⡢⡣⣕⣿⣜⣮⣶⣷⣟⣿⣺⣽⣁⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠂⠠⢑⠨⡈⢀⠠⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣳⡯⣻⢿⣻⣿⣿⠍⠂⠂⡣⣿⣿⡿⣾⣻⣺⣽ ⡧⣸⣝⣷⣻⣿⢿⣿⣿⢿⣿⡷⣿⣿⣿⣿⠹⡊⠄⠄⠐⢈⢐⠈⠄⠂⠄⠙⡻⡿⣯⡾⣿⣿⡿⣝⢿⣿⡇⠐⠄⠄⠂⣚⡺⣽⣽⢾⣻⣾ ⣿⢸⣟⣮⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡍⣿⣿⣿⣯⢋⢂⠄⠈⡀⠄⠠⠄⢂⠐⡔⡸⢸⠂⠎⡌⡆⢔⢩⠠⠈⡻⢅⠁⠄⠄⠈⣔⢽⣳⡽⣽⣗⣿ ⢿⣸⣿⣿⣷⣷⣽⣿⣾⣻⣪⠇⢸⣿⣿⣿⢪⡀⠄⠄⠠⠄⡀⠐⡀⠄⠄⢠⢢⢐⡠⣂⢮⡮⠂⢕⠣⠡⡁⠄⡀⠄⠄⠆⣅⣷⣻⣳⣯⣿ ⠈⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣯⠟⠁⠄⣿⣿⣿⣯⣗⠅⠄⢀⠐⢀⠄⡁⢀⠂⠍⡆⣖⢐⢐⣜⣞⣮⡳⠁⠨⠈⠌⡀⠄⠠⠈⣊⢮⣞⣾⣳⢷⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠛⠟⠋⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡺⠁⠠⠄⠐⢀⠁⠄⠄⠅⠣⡹⡳⢟⢿⢿⢿⢷⠐⠈⢀⠄⡂⠄⠠⠄⠠⠸⣿⣳⣷⣟⣯⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⡀⠄⣼⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠈⠉⠄⡀⠂⡈⠔⠄⠂⢂⠁⠅⢁⢎⠄⠱⡁⡁⠈⡀⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠐⡠⢈⠠⠁⠄⢉⠛⢿⣿⣿
January 2021

learn instead of crying

twitchquotes: This is a game of pure skill and you lost because you were completely outplayed and outmaneuvered. It's better to learn from your mistakes instead of crying because you believe your opponents are luckier than you are. One day, when you can actually admit to your mistakes, you might actually be better at the game. :)
twitch chat
November 2019
Kripp

k3soju bt diff kiyoon fanfic

twitchquotes: Soju and kiyoon lying on their deathbed talking about good old set 5. Soju: Remember how broken BT was hehe. Kiyoon: Yeah haha. The nurse comes in with Sojus daily blood transfusion (BT), what she didnt know is tha kiyoon had paid off the nurse to give him the wrong blood. Soju: Kiyoon im dying, i got downgraded so hard. IK soju, ik... goodbye old friend. Fucking BT diff soju whispers with his last breath...
twitch chat
May 2021
k3soju

Teamfight Tactics

Text-to-Speech Playing