[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Daily stock prayer

Time for our daily prayer: Our calls, Who art in PLTR, Perfect be Thy Timing. Thy tendies come. Thy expirations be done, on earth as it is in Wall Street. Give us this day our daily Lambos. And forgive us of our puts, as we forgive those who buy puts against us. And lead us not into Debt, but deliver us unto tendies. Amen
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Can you please stop making me sweat for more salt?

twitchquotes: reynad, everytime I watch you I start sweating, I believe this is because you have the power to harvest salt through my pores even through the internet, can you please stop making me sweat for more salt?
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

salty

Overused sexually identification copypasta

I sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say that a person who does this is an idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta and respect my right to paste unfunny copypasta in chat. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.
October 2016

I sexually Identify as

Traumatized Mr Incredible

โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž– โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž– โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–
ascii art
February 2022

I like the chat clean of copypasta messages

twitchquotes: I like the fact that this chat doesn't create extremely long copy pasta messages that nobody wants to read. Mods really do a good job making sure that chat is clear of any senseless spam that distracts from the actual content put out by the talented streamer.
twitch chat
January 2020
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing