[Copypasta] I hate gaming laptops

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

You have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin

sigh To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin. Its future applications are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of computing and economics most of its possible functions will go over a typical investor’s head. There’s also Sitoshis’s free market outlook, which is deftly woven into his creation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Robert Malthus, for instance. The shills understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this coin, to realise that it is not just speculation - it says something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Bitcoin truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the brilliance in Satoshi’s brilliant programming method - the “Blockchain,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Haber and Stornetta's Merkle trees. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as our lord and savior's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂 And yes, by the way, i DO have a Bitcoin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

Bitcoin

Kripp has NEVER said "I LOVE YOU" to chat

twitchquotes: Kripp has NEVER said "I LOVE YOU" to chat. We've been with him for 2+ years and he doesn't have the guts to say it. Or maybe he doesn't even really care about us after all we've been through. If Kripp doesn't say "I love you" to us chat, then I think it's time we leave him until he realizes how important we are.. BibleThump
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Hypers

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠉⠙⠋⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠈⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠁⠀⢠⣶⡷⠶⠚⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠻⡃⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿ ⣿⠁⠀⠠⠟⠉⠀⣀⠤⠤⠤⢤⣉⠉⢀⣠⠤⠒⢒⠶⠚⠓⠀⠈⠓⢦⡀⠀⠈⣿ ⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⠋⠀⠀⢀⡠⠤⠌⣀⣀⡀⠄⠊⠁⣠⠄⡀⠈⠻⣶⣄⢻⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠞⢁⣤⢠⡄⢨⠹⣿⣷⡄⣾⣿⠀⠄⠘⠂⣿⣿⢣⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⢴⣿⣿⠀⠂⠈⠀⠸⠟⠘⠻⠿⠆⠀⠀⠀⠈⡰⡿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣉⣉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣴⡿⢧⡇⠀⣾ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣯⣙⣛⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⢛⣛⣋⣭⣥⡖⡿⠁⠀⢠⣿ ⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿ ⣿⡀⠀⠀⠐⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⡶⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⣾⣦⣄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⣯⣭⣭⣽⣟⣛⣛⣛⣛⣿⣿⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣫⣭⣭⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2020

Pepe

Trevor from ChatBotsForTwitch.com

twitchquotes: Hi [insert streamer name], this is Trevor from ChAtBotsForTwitch,com. We kindly request that if you're going to pay the extra to have our employees interact with your chat, you don't make fun of them. We know you have difficulty getting real viewers and it frustrates you, but please don't take it out on my employees. Thank you, Trevor.
twitch chat
March 2021

Classic

My average IQ after taking IQ tests...

twitchquotes: My average IQ after taking IQ tests from accredited psychologist is 134.5 ←Only 2% of the human population score that high. I'm very close to genius level IQ. You calling me stupid is like some one calling Albert Einstein stupid. Which makes one of us look stupid. Hint: Not me.
twitch chat
August 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing