Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
Cypher
twitchquotes:
What do we have here? Ah, itβs the enemy, trying to hide their secrets among their little, feeble minds. But they fail to realize one thing. I am always watching, I know your every move, every step because nothing stays hidden from me. You can try to hide behind your corners, you can try to scurry away to safety, but I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE!
But first, gimme a corpse
twitch chat
Valorant
I hate, hate, hate coffee culture
I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen.
When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place.
There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise.
And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work.
Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable.
And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts.
And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
Alien through telescope
twitchquotes:
β οΎβ *β ｑβ β οΎβ ｑ β β β ββ β β
β β β β β ο½₯οΎβ β β β
β ｑο½₯β β β οΎβ β ｑβ β β β β β
β β ο½₯ο½₯β β β β΄β β β β β β β οΎβ β β *β οΎβ β β β
β β β ｑο½₯β β β β β β β I CANT BELIEVE MY EYES π 
σ σ
β οΎβ *β ｑβ β οΎβ ｑ β β β ββ β β
β β β β β ο½₯οΎβ β β β
β ｑο½₯β β β οΎβ β ｑβ β β β β β
β β ο½₯ο½₯β β β β΄β β β β β β β οΎβ β β *β οΎβ β β β
β β β ｑο½₯β β β β β β β I CANT BELIEVE MY EYES π σ σ
twitch chat
Anyways uhm... I bought a whole bunch of RFLCT
twitchquotes:
Anyways uhm... I bought a whole bunch of RFLCT, cream, do you know what blue light is? Anybody knows what blue light is? No, not bud light. I think that's a beer brand. Talking blue light. Anyways, RFLCT is a new skin care product that protects against blue light and unwanted blue light that may be coming from your monitor. So that's my story. I bought a whole bunch of stuff, put them around the la casa. Little bottles. Stuff like that.
twitch chat
WOW kid you just got r/WOOOOOOSHED
WOW kid you just got r/WOOOOOOSHED!!!! πππ
"Wooosh" means you didn't get the joke, as in the sound made when the joke "woooshes" over your head. I bet you're too stupid to get it, IDIOT!! π€π€π
His joke was so thoughtfully crafted and took him a total of like 3 minutes, you SHOULD be laughing. π€¬ What's that? His joke is bad? I think that's just because you failed. He outsmarted you, nitwit.π€
In conclusion, I am posting this to the community known as "R/Wooooosh" to claim my internet points in your embarrassment π. Imbecile. The Germans refer to this action as "Schadenfreude," which means "harm-joy" π¬π². WOW! π€ͺ Another reference I had to explain to you. π€¦ββοΈπ€ I am going to cease this conversation for I do not converse with simple minded persons.ππ