So lets say, hypothetically, that I was going down to South Park to have myself a 'time'. In this hypothetical situation, there are friendly folks who are completely devoid of temptation. Now, because I am going down to South Park, it is safe to assume that I would be leaving my woes behind. Now, hypothetically, when I arrive, there is ample parking during both the hours of the day and the night, and the media would be saying "howdy neighbor." OK liberal, now that we've established that, lets say next that I was to head up to South Park. I would then, hypothetically, be testing to see if I would be able to unwind in South Park. I would also like to mention that, as a conservative white male, I find large female genitalia to be very attractive. So, I will finish off my argument by stating that the liberal media should come on down to South Park and meet some acquaintances of mine, including my wife (who is a doctor).
I used to be a real ad
More Ben Shapiro Copypastas
Ben Shapiro goes to the movie theatre
let's say, hypothetically, that i went to the movie theater, and the movie i was watching happened to be three hours long. for the sake of the argument, i am about halfway through watching the movie, and i have to go to the bathroom. based on what's happening on screen, i can determine that an important scene is coming up, and that i need to see it if i want to understand the plot. what's stopping me from pissing in the drink cup they gave me for my dr. pepper? if i can do it quietly enough, no one is going to be able to notice what i'm doing, and, in my honest opinion, pissing in the drink cup is a much better alternative to using the bathroom, since i would've missed an important plot point had i chosen to do so. lastly, no one would have to clean it up afterwards, since it's all contained within the drink cup, which is meant to be disposed of after the movie anyways, and, as a result, will not affect the theater staff in any way whatsoever.
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro counts to one million
So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro sings Rick Roll
Lets say, hypothetically, that we were not strangers to love, and lets say, you knew the rules and so did i. And if you thought of a full commitment, you wouldnt get this from any other guy, right? Then hypothetically speaking, i just want to tell you how im feeling. Now lets say i gotta make you understand. Now that we've established that im never gonna give you up or let you down. Am i not correct? You would never run around, and desert you. And i, as a balcony, think that i wouldnt make you cry, so i must be the one to never tell a lie, and hurt you
This would mean that, we've known eachother for so long, and logically, your hearts been aching but, youre too shy to say it. which would proceed with both of us knowing whats been going on. Which didnt make sense, we know the game, in a way that we're gonna play it. Yet, if you ask me how im feeling, seeing as you shouldnt say that youre too blind to see
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro asks his mom for Robux
Now, letโs say ๐ฃ hypothetically, you ๐, my mother ๐ช. Were to give ๐ me, your 
son ๐โโ๏ธ, your credit ๐ธ card ๐ณ information ๐๐ผ. So I ๐ฅ could make ๐ a purchase ๐ฒ of 500 ๐ฏ robux ๐ on the Roblox.com/store. Contrary to what my sister ๐ฑโโ๏ธ will have you ๐ believe ๐
๐ป, I ๐ฅ have done โ
a very โผ good ๐ job ๐โโ๏ธ๐คต of doing my chores ๐งผ, including ๐ฒ, but ๐ not limited ๐ to; The dishes ๐ณ๐ฝ๐๐ผ, the laundry and the taking ๐ out the trash โน๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ถ๐.
son ๐โโ๏ธ, your credit ๐ธ card ๐ณ information ๐๐ผ. So I ๐ฅ could make ๐ a purchase ๐ฒ of 500 ๐ฏ robux ๐ on the Roblox.com/store. Contrary to what my sister ๐ฑโโ๏ธ will have you ๐ believe ๐
๐ป, I ๐ฅ have done โ
a very โผ good ๐ job ๐โโ๏ธ๐คต of doing my chores ๐งผ, including ๐ฒ, but ๐ not limited ๐ to; The dishes ๐ณ๐ฝ๐๐ผ, the laundry and the taking ๐ out the trash โน๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ถ๐.
Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro ordering pizza
Hello, is this Pizza Hut?
Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. Andโlook, itโs just a factโI would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not.
Now letโs discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from โYou racist creepโ or โIs that your real voice?โ to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded โtoilet swirly.โ However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah.
Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this โOur pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-polyโโno. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. Itโs that simple. Itโs been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty โFuh!โ by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet.
Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyderโs classic film โ300,โ I will kick you.
Onions, peppersโno, thank you. If I wanted veggies, Iโd go to a salad bar. Iโm not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named PโZoneโwhen I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style.
And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. Iโm fucking starving.