[Copypasta] Ben Shapiro asks his mom for Robux

Now, let’s say πŸ—£ hypothetically, you πŸ‘†, my mother πŸ‘ͺ. Were to give 🎁 me, your πŸ‘‰ son πŸ™Žβ€β™‚οΈ, your πŸ‘‰ credit πŸ’Έ card πŸ’³ information πŸ‘ŒπŸΌ. So I πŸ‘₯ could make πŸ›  a purchase πŸ’² of 500 πŸ’― robux πŸ‘ on the Roblox.com/store. Contrary to what my sister πŸ‘±β€β™€οΈ will have you πŸ‘† believe πŸ™…πŸ», I πŸ‘₯ have done βœ… a very β€Ό good πŸ‘Œ job πŸ™†β€β™‚οΈπŸ€΅ of doing my chores 🧼, including πŸ“², but πŸ‘ not limited πŸ”’ to; The dishes πŸ˜³πŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸΌ, the laundry and the taking πŸ‘Š out the trash β›ΉοΈβ€β™€οΈπŸ‘ΆπŸ—‘.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

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Ben Shapiro asks his mom to buy him the Lego Death Star

Alright mom, you think that the Lego Death Star is too expensive of a set for my birthday which hypothetically- hypothetically lets take a look at the facts (which don't care about your feelings) in a situation where, hypothetically, you get it for my birthday. So, we take a look at the numbers it's $499.99 but it has 4,016 pieces, and that means it comes down to a price point of about 12.4 cents per piece and that's a fact, that's a fact (that doesn't care about your feelings). And even though that might be seemingly pricey in comparison to other lego sets, lets take a look at the minifigures. We have Han Solo in a Stormtrooper outfit, we have Luke Skywalker also in a Stormtrooper outfit, these are exclusives for the set since 2001. And it's a fact that you can recreate epic scenes- hypothetically, hypothetically, from A New Hope and Return of The Jedi if I had this set and I think the facts add up, that you should buy me this set (regardless of your feelings)
January 2021

Ben Shapiro

A young Ben Shapiro insults his classmate

Let's say, hypothetically, your mom was wearing a yellow raincoat. Now, also in this scenario, there is a man needing to get home. When he sees your mom, he will yell "taxi, taxi!". Now, why does he do this? The answer is actually quite simple. Your mom is so fat she is the size of a taxi, and the yellow raincoat she is theoretically wearing is the same color as a taxi. Therefore, the man mistakes her for a taxi. So, what has this hypothetical scenario shown us? It has shown us that your mom is very, very, fat. Boom! Once again destroyed with facts and logic.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

Ben Shapiro counts to one million

So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

Ben Shapiro ordering pizza

Hello, is this Pizza Hut? Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. Andβ€”look, it’s just a factβ€”I would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not. Now let’s discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from β€œYou racist creep” or β€œIs that your real voice?” to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded β€œtoilet swirly.” However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah. Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this β€œOur pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-poly”—no. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. It’s that simple. It’s been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty β€œFuh!” by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet. Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyder’s classic film β€œ300,” I will kick you. Onions, peppersβ€”no, thank you. If I wanted veggies, I’d go to a salad bar. I’m not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named P’Zoneβ€”when I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style. And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. I’m fucking starving.
August 2021

Ben Shapiro

Ben Shapiro counts to one million

So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

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