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🍷 Oh, but of course!
🍷 Oh, but of course!
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I used to be a real ad
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Lying about service dogs
I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask;
‘Is it a service dog?’
With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to.
If at first they say ‘no’ I reply with ‘are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink
Always works.
I love dogs
DAPPER NO
mellow why are you so cute 
I WANT TO TOUCH THE KRIPPARRIAN
twitchquotes:
ᶤ ʷᵃᶰᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵗᵒᵘᶜʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵏʳᶤᵖᵖᵃʳʳᶤᵃᶰ
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Kripp
Kripp please supply the world with some salt
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Dear nl_Kripp with the Earth's salt mines running low near depletion. We can always rely on you for stepping up to the plate and supplying the world with some 
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Kripp
So that was a bruh moment
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She said she was “pregnant,” but I wasn’t buying that. I knew she had gas, and a lot of it. I knew that, if properly coaxed out, she had to potential for the greatest fart *EVER*. So one night I walked into her room and slowly approached her belly, and with my entire weight, I performed the greatest pile driver I have ever done. But instead of the thunderous sound expected, I heard a squish sound. Turns out she was pregnant. So that was a bruh moment.
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