[Copypasta] My dad works at twitch dude

twitchquotes: My dad works at twitch dude, he's a sr Vice President, and he oversees players accounts. If you don't unban me, I'll make sure he gets both you and majinphil permabanned. But if you unban me, I'll make sure you fit in the algorithms to always be in people's recommended feed. Your choice.
twitch chat
December 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Kermit the frog caused 9/11

Kermit the frog caused 9/11. In the 2002 TV film "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie", there's a part where an angel shows Kermit an alternate reality where he was never born. For whatever reason, the editors didn't really think about it, and continued to use footage with the twin towers still standing for this scene, however they aren't there in his original universe. Therefore, something that Kermit did in his life, did in fact cause 9/11 in Muppet lore.
February 2021

Lenin

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⠶⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠷⠶⢶⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣶⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⢿⣶⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣼⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣸⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄ ⢰⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⢠⣤⣤⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣠⣤⡀⠄⢸⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⡇⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⠏⠛⠛⠿⣷⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⢦⣼⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿⡇⠄ ⠄⢿⣿⡟⢀⣤⣶⣶⠾⢿⣿⣷⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⢛⡿⢿⣷⡶⠦⣤⣄⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⠃⠄ ⣶⢾⣿⠄⠉⠁⠉⠉⠄⠤⠞⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⡿⠄⠈⠄⠄⠁⠉⣽⠟⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠃⠄⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡏⣧ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡴⠄⠣⡀⢀⣸⣿⠿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸ ⢹⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠚⣛⡊⣻⣿⡛⠗⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⡜ ⠈⢻⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⢀⣴⣴⣿⣿⠿⢾⡻⠿⢿⣶⣶⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡜⠁ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣄⠄⠉⠁⠄⠳⢶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⡟⠃⠄⠁⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣆⣀⣀⡀⡀⡖⣸⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠁⢿⣿⡿⠍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣴⠄⠰⣿⣿⣇⢀⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣀⠙⠿⣷⣤⣼⣿⣿⣾⣷⣾⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⣶⣤⡈⠛⢿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠛⠻⠿⠿⢶⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣼⡿⠿⠿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
March 2022

Vegan Propaganda

twitchquotes: KKona Howdy Kripp, my name is Bill and I work in the meat industry. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all the vegan propaganda you're spreading on this here livestream. You rave about the health benefits of becoming a leaf-muncher, but look at you! You're a pale, scrawny, hallowed-out husk of a man. Hell, you probably can't even lift up a hamburger with those pitiful arms of yours. If you don't stop hating on meat, I'm gonna come by in my truck and force-feed you my "giant sausage!"
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

Classic

K3soju dating FIRST or EIF

twitchquotes: K3soju met that cute girl. They talked a lot, she seemed perfect. Caring, funny and also unbelievably pretty. He felt that she is the one for him. Once, during their long night conversation, he asked her how many boyfriends she had before him. She said - only one. Michael got furious. "There's no way. I'm not playing for second! I'm FIRST or EIF" Then he muted her and never met her again.
twitch chat
January 2022
k3soju

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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