[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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My daughter was born with a hearing impairment

twitchquotes: My daughter was born with a hearing impairment than ultimately left her deaf shortly after birth. I have been working for years to pay for a new surgery that would allow her to hear again. Today was her 8th birthday and I managed to get her what she's always wanted for her birthday, the sense of hearing. I decided to let her listen in on what Daddy has been watching late at night and I turn on your stream and what do I hear? Silence. Now she's crying thinking she's deaf again, Nice job Kripp.
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Classic

PepeLaugh

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠤⠐⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠒⠬⡣⠤⠤⠄⠄⠄⠤⠤⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⢀⡒⠤⠭⠅⠚⣓⡆⡆⣔⡙⠓⠚⠛⠄⣹⠿⣿ ⣿⠟⠁⡌⠄⠄⠄⢀⠤⠬⠐⣈⠠⡤⠤⠤⣤⠤⢄⡉⢁⣀⣠⣤⣤⣀⣐⡖⢦⣽ ⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⡿⠛⠯⠍⠭⣉⣉⠉⠍⢀⢀⡀⠉⠉⠉⠒⠒⠂⠄⣻ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠩⠵⠒⠒⠲⢒⡢⡉⠁⢐⡀⠬⠍⠁⢉⣉⣴⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢉⣒⡉⠁⠁⠄⠄⠉⠂⠙⣉⣁⣀⣙⡿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠄⡖⢉⠥⢤⠐⢲⠒⢲⠒⢲⠒⠲⡒⠒⡖⢲⠂⠄⢀⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢆⡑⢄⠳⢾⠒⢺⠒⢺⠒⠚⡖⠄⡏⠉⣞⠞⠁⣠⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢆⠄⠄⠄⠈⠢⠉⠢⠍⣘⣒⣚⣒⣚⣒⣒⣉⠡⠤⣔⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⠷⣤⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠉⠐⠢⠭⠄⢀⣒⣒⡒⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⡠⠶⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
December 2018

Pepe

I fucking hate gaming laptops

I fucking hate gaming laptops. Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
January 2022

Kripp saved my marriage

twitchquotes: I was going through a rough time in my marriage where nothing seemed to arouse me anymore. Things had gone stale between me and my wife in bed and divorce seemed inevitable. But then I discovered Kripp's stream and everything changed. There's just something about that vegan bald head that does something to me, and before I knew it my libido was back. I now go at it with my wife at the sounds of "Fuck!" and "Topdeck Flamestrike!" to boost my vigor. Thank you Kripp for saving my marriage.
twitch chat
November 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Kripp whines some more...

twitchquotes: ᴛᴡɪᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴏᴏʀ, Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴡʜɪsᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ, "Hᴇ ᴛᴏᴘᴅᴇᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇᴀᴛ... ᴍᴇ...
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp
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