[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
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Hospitals

twitchquotes: If 700,000 people die in hospitals every year. Why don't we close down these hospitals and prevent those deaths? (つ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つ
twitch chat
April 2015
imaqtpie

CAN THE MODS OF THIS SUB DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

CAN THE MODS OF THIS SUB DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 11 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK WON'T TURN OFF.
November 2021

Reddit

TICK TOCK, KlLL THE CROCK

twitchquotes: ༼ ◕_◕ ༽=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ TlCK T0CK, KlLL THE CROCK
twitch chat
March 2014
TwitchPlaysPokemon

RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”. I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022

Kurumx bird in hair big eyes

⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣴⣶⣦⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢻⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿⢟⣤⠄⠈⠄⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣘⣛⣻⠿⣿⣸⣿⣿⣷⣌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠈⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠈⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠈⠎⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣻ ⣿⣿⣯⢰⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⣉⣉⡙⢻⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾ ⣿⡿⡟⣩⣭⣭⡈⠙⢿⡏⢀⣾⠟⠛⢿⣿⣄⣀⣤⣤⠄⠄⣀⣴⡦⣨⢻ ⣿⣧⢸⡿⠉⠉⢻⡆⢸⡇⠄⠳⢀⣀⡼⢟⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⢻⣿⣯⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⡛⠢⠴⠛⠁⣸⣿⣿⣦⣭⣭⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢵⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠓⠺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡥⣬⣿⣿⠋⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠁⠄⠄⣊⣊⣐⣀⠄⢹⣿⣿⠿⢣⣲⣴⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠈⣍⣭⣿⣿⡟⠈⠁⢲⣡⡤⡙⢾⢿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠈⠿⠟⠟⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣲⣿⣿⣿⡻⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣯⣾⡿
ascii art
April 2021
Kurumx

Teamfight Tactics

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