[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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I hate Reddit's new avatars

They look so incomprehensibly fucking STUPID. WHO CAME UP WITH THEM? I liked the old avatars, they were simple and friendly. Now every time, EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME. I look at someone's username, I see this ugly little shit, an abomination. Makes me almost fucking VOMIT. THEY LOOK SO DAMN STUPID I'M FUCKING TIRED OF KT. IT LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN HAD SEX WITH A COCKROACH, THEN WORE SOME UGLY SHIRT AND PANTS. THE REDDIT CREATURE DUDES ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE WEARING THIS STUPID ABOMINABLD SHIT. I HATE it. I want to BURN IT WITH FIRE. Sadly you can't burn JPGs. BUT EVERY TIME I SEE ONE IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY AT FUCKING SPEZ
September 2021

Reddit

Kripp BM pyroblasted the wrong guy

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, you bmed me in a card heart game, punk. Bet you thought I had forgotten, but jokes on you I'm a military trained navy ranger. I can kill a man 10 times before he even realizes. I'm right now backtracing your house address and will be there soon. You bm pyroblasted the wrong guy punk, your dead
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

I sexually identify as Harambe

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Harambe. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of living in a gorilla enclosure at Cincinnati zoo and dragging children. People say to me that a person being Harambe is impossible and I'm retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install the name Harambe, harmless intentions and a gorillas body on me. From now on I want you guys to call me "Harambe" and respect my right to roam around the gorilla enclosure and drag around small children. If you can't accept me you're an agrizoophobe and need to check your zoo official privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
August 2016

Harambe

I sexually Identify as

Why are we whispering

twitchquotes: ຈل͜ຈ ʷʰʸ ᵃʳᵉ ʷᵉ ʷʰˢᵖᵉʳⁿᵍ ຈل͜ຈ
twitch chat
August 2014
Riot Games

my brother is the best cook

twitchquotes: my😽 brother 👱 is the best🥇cook 🧑‍🍳because 🗣with 2️⃣ eggs🥚🥚1️⃣sausage🌭and a cup🥛of milk🍼he👱can fill⬆️my👩tummy🤰for9️⃣🗣months📅🥰🤩
twitch chat
November 2019

Emoji Pasta

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