[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Taco did we come back?

twitchquotes: Taco: "Actually, I remember one time we were playing against Virtus Pro, Nuke, and it was 15-5 to VP. We were playing as T. VP are CT. And Fallen said, guys if you think we are good, let's prove it now." Teammate: "Did you come back?" Taco: "Of course not. 16-5."
twitch chat
November 2019

CSGO

DrDisrespect zoomed in

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠈⠉⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⣻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠈⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣥⠀⢹ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠛⠻⡃⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣾ ⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⠃⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿ ⡀⠀⠈⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠉⢸ ⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠉⠙⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⡬⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸ ⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⣴⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿ ⡏⠻⠰⠂⢴⠖⠁⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣽⣿⣷⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣶⣾⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⠐⣼⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⡿⡿⠿⢿⠿⠿⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⡄⠹⡟⠿⣧⠀⠀⠹⠿⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠙⠊⠁⠈⡟⠁⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣴⠞⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠤⢞⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
July 2020
DrDisRespectLIVE

Greetings r/atheism

Greetings, my fellow intellectually superior comrades. I too am an enjoyer of the fedora as well as intellectual matters and enlightenment. I am very pleased to find a space like this where intellects like me can laugh at normie th*ests and jerk off to rule 34 Rick and Morty images like the true sigma Chads we are. Truly a shame that normie sites like Instascam and Crapchat do not possess the intellectual capacity of people like us. That reminds me of a story involving one of my proudest accomplishments. I remember the reason why I got fired from my old job as a scrub, and it is truly a brave, bold, and intellectual moment that I am sure you all will be proud of. So I was doing my rounds at the hospital I was working at and someone's newborn baby has just died form birth complications. Everyone was crying and the mother's parents had assured her that the baby was "in Heaven" and "with God". (cringe, right?) Well I heard this utter nonsense through the hallway and I figured that it was my duty to put these ignoramus th* ists in their place. So I walked into the room and said straight to their faces "but God isn't real and neither is Heaven you normie th* ists. Heaven is a fairy tale made up by a book written 1,000 years ago in a desert by wannabe fantasy writers. Your sky daddy isn't real, and your baby isn't in Heaven because Heaven isn't real either. It's just all black for him like it was before he was convinced in your room. Go read 'the God delusion' by Richard Dawkins, maybe you'll grow a few brain cells." Everyone was shocked, the lady started crying and her parents and husband started yelling at me. The others were just speechless, their months agape. But I wasn't phased, it only made me proud becuase I know that when the th*ists are seething, I am right. So eventually someone must have reported me becuase a day after I got fired for "unprofessionalism and harassment". Ha! More like the simpleton folks cannot understand the intelligence of freethinkers like me, and get mad at those who tell the truth and reality check their delusion of their skydaddy. I didn't care tho. Geniuses are rarely recognized as such in their time. One day they'll look back in history and see that what I did there as well as all the other things I did were revolutionary! I can find a job with more intellectual employers anyway. I was proud to be fired for speaking the truth! Either way, I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to destroy some skydaddy cock sucking th*ests. Also an updoot on this post would very much be appreciated and wholesome. Edit: I said UPDOOT, not DOWNDOOT! God, are you just as dumb as the th*ists now???
May 2022

Reddit

I Am Very Smart

Unhappy Gordon Ramsey

⠁⡼⠋⠀⣆⠀⠀⣰⣿⣫⣾⢿⣿⣿⠍⢠⠠⠀⠀⢀⠰⢾⣺⣻⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀ ⣥⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠠⢻⢬⠁⣠⣾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠱⠏⡉⠙⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⢳⠀⢰⡖⠀⠀⠈⠀⣺⢰⣿⢻⣾⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣷⣼⡆⢸⣿⣧⠀ ⠈⠀⠜⠈⣀⣔⣦⢨⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⣼⠛⢹⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢋⡿⡿⣯⣭⡟⣟⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⡘⠀ ⡀⠐⠀⠀⠀⣿⣯⡿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣉⢽⣿⡆⠀⠀ ⢳⠀⠄⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⠉⠉⠉⠛⣻⢛⣿⠛⠃⠀⠐⠛⠻⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣾⠄⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠁⢀⠀⢀⡄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡠⣴⣎⣀⣠⣠⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣧⠀⣴⣄⣽⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣖⣶⣬⣾⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣿⣶⣈⡯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣹⢧⣿⣿⣿⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀ ⠹⣿⣿⣧⢌⢽⣻⢿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣠⡘⠿⠟⠛⠛⠟⠛⣧⡈⠻⣾⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⣷⡿⣽⠶⡾⢿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣤⣿⣷⣤⣤⣄⣄⣠⣼⡿⢷⢀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣿⣷⠌⣈⣏⣝⠽⡿⣷⣾⣏⣀⣉⣉⣀⣀⣀⣠⣠⣄⡸⣾⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣰⡿⣿⣧⡐⠄⠱⣿⣺⣽⢟⣿⣿⢿⣿⣍⠉⢀⣀⣐⣼⣯⡗⠟⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣰⣿⠀⣿⣿⣴⡀⠂⠘⢹⣭⡂⡚⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⢿⡿⠿⢁⣴⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤
February 2022

MLK day emojipasta

heyyy 👋 Marthin Luther QUEENS 👯‍♀️ i have a dream 😴 🛌 that you will be dicked 🍆 down ⬇️ tonight like DADDY 👨🏿‍🦳 Martin Luther King Jr. would have wanted 😌✊🏿 so MARCH 🚶‍♀️ on down ⬇️ to his washington monument 🇺🇸 and have a SIT IN 🧎‍♀️ on that DICK 🍆🍆 Make sure to ABOLISH his KKKOCK 🗽 like a TRUE PATRIOT 🗽 segregate those cheeks 🍑 tonight it doesn’t matter 🙅‍♀️ if his fountain 🍆💦 is BLACK or WHITE 🤝 we are all CUMRADES 💦💦 in the fight against discrimination 😍 SOAK those PANTIFA 🩲 our TWERK is not over ‼️ SEND this 📤 to ✌️ every WOKE HOE 🤯 you know 🆘 Get 2️⃣0️⃣ BACK to END racism ✊ and UNITE the races in SEXUAL 👉👌 HARMONY ☮️
January 2024

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

MLK Day

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