[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Truth be told, I'm quite proud of my house blend

twitchquotes: TPFufun Truth be told, I'm quite proud of my house blend. To attain my flavor and fragrance, I use five different types of coffee beans. TPFufun
twitch chat
August 2017

I want to bang Timmy Nook from Animal Crossing

Holy fucking shit. I want to bang Timmy Nook from Animal Crossing so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to Nook’s Cranny I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Timmy Nook. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Timmy Nook’s tight tanuki asshole. I want him to have my mutant human/tanuki babies. Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with a raccoon I found in the trash. I'd dressed him in my dad’s Hawaiian shirt and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my Nintendo Switch. I might not ever get to see Timmy Nook again.
July 2021

Hey Kripp, Dan from HearthArena here

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Dan from HearthArena here. Just wanted to let you know we have some updates to our policy for sponsored content. Instead of saying "that guy's deck was crazy", we now suggest our partners use the phrase, "wow, that guy must have used HearthArena™ to get a deck like that!" We're grateful for your continued participation and hope you have a nice day.
twitch chat
September 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

salty

moon2LULT wasn't dropped due to lack of popularity

twitchquotes: Don't get it twisted chat. moon2LULT wasn't dropped due to lack of popularity or for a better emote or anything. It was a selfish desire to personally absolve the broadcaster of his poor use of ultimate abilities. He wants to forget, but this we cannot allow. Every McCree Q to respawn, we moon2LULT. Every Winston ult jumping off the edge, we moon2LULT. Every time he presses Q at 20 HP and dies instantly, we moon2LULT. You must be vigilant, vertical scrolling communication room. moon2LULT
twitch chat
June 2017
MOONMOON

Private photoshoot only for me

twitchquotes: ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʀᴜᴍᴘ. ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴀ ʙʀᴏᴀᴅᴄᴀsᴛ ɪ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ sʜᴏᴡᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇsᴋᴛᴏᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ғɪʟᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇs "ʜᴀғᴜɴᴜᴅᴇs..." ɪ'ᴍ ᴅɪsɢᴜsᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀssᴜᴍɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀғᴜ ɴᴜᴅᴇs. ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴀғᴜɴᴜᴅᴇsGONEWILD, ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇs ᴍᴏʀᴇ sᴘɪᴄʏ ᴠᴇʀsɪᴏɴ, ᴀ ᴘʀɪᴠᴀᴛᴇ ᴘʜᴏᴛᴏsʜᴏᴏᴛ ᴏɴʟʏ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ. ɢᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴄᴛs ʀɪɢʜᴛ.
twitch chat
December 2014
Trump
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing