[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

country roads stick figure dance

country roads 🤚 😣/ _/|| _/¯ ¯\_ take me home 👋 \ 😩 || \_ _/¯ ¯\_ to the place 🤚 😳/ _/|| _/¯ ¯\_ I BELOOOONG 😭 👊/||\_ _/¯ ¯\_
ascii art
April 2021

Thanks to HTC™ I am able to watch this stream on the go

twitchquotes: Thanks to HTC™ I am able to watch this stream on the go. You can even use it to purchase g2a™ swag online. I never go anywhere without my HTC™. Lifetime Uh Oh™ warranty included.
twitch chat
May 2015
WildTurtle

sellout

As Quinn finished her drink, she was overcome with sadness

twitchquotes: As Quinn finished her drink, she was overcome with sadness. "Valor, I get this feeling that QT won't ever play with us again." The bartender turned around. "Here's a drink on the house," said Urgot. "I know the feeling."
twitch chat
July 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

James Patterson plays Druid

twitchquotes: The date is December 19th, 2018, at 630 am. James Patterson has just finished making his morning coffee. James Patterson hates his job, but looks forward each morning to playing ladder with the one deck he could afford to craft: Druid. On turn two, he attempts to drag Wild Growth onto the battlefield. He rubs his eyes, and to his horror sees that the card now costs 3 mana. With nothing left to live for, James Patterson opens his apartment window and buys a subaru.
twitch chat
December 2018

Hearthstone

Kripp's next hoodie color

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Im excited to think of what the next hoodie color will be. This ones been going strong 20 days in a row now. Maybe we'll go back to the blue one or even the other light grey one that was worn for 30+ days. It's like a game now.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing