[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Ahoy Kripp, ya landlubber

twitchquotes: ୧༼ °͠_▀̿ ༽? Ahoy Kripp, ya landlubber. We request a swashbuckling pirate deck, else ye be walkin the plank. ୧༼ °͠_▀̿ ༽?
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August 2015
Kripp

୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom when they thought we were asleep. I'd hear my mother excitedly talking about how much she enjoyed cocks as they jumped around on the bed. What surprised me though was, when we went to Spain she mentioned how cruel she thought bullfighting was. I never confronted her about the hypocrisy though.
October 2021

Ban one elephant

twitchquotes: 🐘 BAN 🐘 ONE 🐘 ELEPHANT 🐘 AND 🐘 YOU 🐘 GET 🐘 THE 🐘 WHOLE 🐘 PARADE 🐘
twitch chat
November 2019

Ban X Get The Whole Y

I was born with glass bones and paper skin

twitchquotes: haHAA I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. haHAA
twitch chat
August 2017

Eggplants appear after every word

twitchquotes: Guys 🍆 I 🍆 Was 🍆 On 🍆 Pornhub 🍆 And 🍆 I 🍆 Clicked 🍆 On 🍆 A 🍆 Link 🍆 That 🍆 Said 🍆 Local 🍆 Milfs 🍆 In 🍆 My 🍆 Area 🍆 And 🍆 Now 🍆 Eggplants 🍆 Appear 🍆 After 🍆 Every 🍆 Word 🍆 . 🍆 What 🍆 Do 🍆 I 🍆 Do 🍆? 🍆
twitch chat
August 2019

Emoji Pasta

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