[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

i got this new anime plot

i got this new anime plot. basically there’s this high school girl except she’s got huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big ol’ tonhongerekoogers. what happens next?! transfer student shows up with even bigger bonkhonagahoogs. humongous hungolomghononoloughongous
July 2019

Weebs

Anime

Classic

Ninja literally made gaming mainstream

twitchquotes: Ninja literally made gaming mainstream. Before him people looked down on gaming like it was only for nerds or whatever. He made it okay for everyone to play video games without beings called a virgin or nerd.
twitch chat
April 2019
Ninja

Classic

Fortnite

Kripp is a professional children's card game streamer

twitchquotes: Who the hell do you think you kids are? Kripp is a professional children's card game streamer and mobile games salesman, and you think you can just come in his chat and criticize him and his plays like you know something he doesn't? Get real. Maybe if you ate your veggies like my boy Kripp, you'd have the brainpower to make crazy split-second analytical decisions that can beat the other kids on the playground. Show some fucking respect
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

3-eyed face

░░░░░░▄▄▄▄▄▓▓▓▄▄▄░░░░░ ░░░░▄▄▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▄░░░ ░░▄▄▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▀█▄░ ░▓▓▌▓▓▓░░▒▒▒▒▀(◐)▒▒▒▒▒█▓ ░▓▓▌▓▓░▒▒▓(◐)▓░░░▒▓▓(◐)█▓ ▓▓▌▓▓█▄█▀▄▄░▀░▀▄▄▀░░█░█ ▓▓▌▓▓▀▄█▄█░█▀▄▄▄▄▄▀██░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███▄█▄█▄███░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███████████░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███████████░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███████████░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░▀▀█░█▀█▀█▀███░█ ░░▓▓▌▓▓░░░▀▀▄█▄█▄█▄▀░█ ░░▓▓▌▓▓▓▓▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀
November 2014

Kripp I am a young beautiful Korean girl

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴀ ʏᴏᴜɴɢ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ ᴋᴏʀᴇᴀɴ ɢɪʀʟ (>‿◠)✌ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪɢɢʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ʜᴏᴡ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ɢᴀᴍᴇs ♡‿‿♡ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴍᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing