[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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DONGERS initiative

twitchquotes: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) Hello Kripparrian, this is Agent Saltson, from the Secret Hearthstone Information Education and Luck Division. I need to talk to you about the D.O.N.G.E.R.S Initiative. (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
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Octavian Morosan

░░░░░░░░▒▒░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ █▀▀████▄▄░░░░░░░▄▄▄▄▄▄██ ▒▒░░▒▒▀▀▀▒▒░░░▒▀▀▀▀▀▀▒▒▒ ▒▒░█▄█░▓▒▒░░░░▒▒▓▓░█▄█▓▒ ░░▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▒░░░░░░░░▒░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░▒░░░░░░░░░░▒░░░░░░ ▒░░░▒▒▒░░░░░░░░░░▒░▒▒░░░ ▒▒▒▒░░▒▒██▄▒▒▄███▒░░▒▒▒▒ ░▒▒▒▄▄▓▓██████████▓▓▄░░░ ░░▄███▓▓▀▀▓▓▓▓▀▀▓▓▓▓▀█░░ ▒░▒▒░░▒░░░░░░░░░░▒░░▒▒░▒ ▒▒▒░░░░░▓▓████▓▒░░░░░▒▒▒
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March 2015
Kripp

Heaven is the highest you can get

twitchquotes: It's 4️⃣2️⃣0️⃣today😳😱but I'm not smoking weed 🌿🍁😴😏🚬I'm smoking💨😜the Bible😇😋🙏🏼📕because heaven⬆️😍👐🏼😂is the highest you can get🙌🏼😤
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Valiant calls Shanghai

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Hello Michael Santana, this is your local tax officer

twitchquotes: Hello Michael Santana, this is your local tax officer. Your last reply as to why you haven't paid your taxes is unnacceptable. "I'll check it out later" and "You know how I get down" are NOT valid excuses. We are sending our men over RIGHT NOW to start repossessing your house.
twitch chat
November 2016
imaqtpie
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