[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE

twitchquotes: FeelsGoodMan I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE FeelsGoodMan I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE FeelsGoodMan I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE FeelsGoodMan
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

Wojak

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ascii art
September 2018

No, you’re NOT a real gamer.

No, you’re NOT a real gamer. I’m so sick of all these people that think they’re gamers. No, you’re not. Most of you are not even close to being gamers. I see these people saying “I put well over 100 hours in this game, it’s great!” that’s nothing, most of us can easily put 300+ hours in all our games. I see people who only have a Nintendo Switch and claim to be gamers. Come talk to me when you pick up a PS4 controller then we be friends. Also DEAR ALL WOMEN: Pokémon is not a real game. Animal Crossing is not a real game. The Sims is not a real game. Mario is not a real game. Stardew valley is not a real game. Mobile games are NOT.REAL.GAMES. put down the baby games and play something that requires challenge and skill for once. Sincerely, all of the ACTUAL gamers.
June 2021

amongX

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣥⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣶⣾⣬⣙⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢥⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣾⣏⣀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣉⣹⣿⠄⢡⣙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢸⣿⢋⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⠙⣿⠄⢸⣿⣧⠽⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⣿⣿⣧⣻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⠼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⡿⠋⢼⣿⣿⠾⠛⠛⠁⠈⠁⡓⠛⢿⣿⣿⡟⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣇⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⠧⣿⣿⣇⠄⢛⣻⣿⣿⠶⠒⠓⠒⢒⠓⠄⠸⣿⣿⡇⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⢛⣿⣿⣷⣦⣿⡿⣿⡇⠘⠛⠛⢿⣿⢿⣸ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⡾⠿⠿⠿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠⣬⣭⣤⣼⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⠟⠟⠿⠏⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠃⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡯⠘⡍⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
November 2021
xQcOW

Among Us / Amogus

War Thunder is like playing chess

It's not that the game is addicting, it's just that there are no decent alternatives. War Thunder is basically the intellectual version of the FPS games that all the stupid children and mongoloid brains play. Instead of just being based purely on twitch "skills" which require as much intellectual ability as closing popup spam windows, in War Thunder you have to use at least some tactics and strategy. FPS games are like playing Pong on high speed. War Thunder is like playing chess. The art of gaming is simply dead for big brains. 20 years ago there were tons of games that required brainpower because PC gaming back then was by nerds and for nerds, but then the corporate suits took over and were like "broaden the appeal to we can make more sales" so everything got dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. My GF asked me if I was "having fun" playing War Thunder, and I looked at her like she was a fucking retard to even consider that sentence a valid question. I don't have FUN playing War Thunder. This game routinely pisses me off and makes me rage. However, when I stomp the entire enemy team and crush them so utterly I can hear the lamentations of their mothers, I feel satisfaction. I spent weeks grinding for Operation Winter. The vikings had a word for this. They called it Valhalla. Endless war. Endless combat. Knowing only victory and death. Bathing in the blood of your enemies. You get 15 kills and bask in glory and rewards, and think: what should I do now? Should I get in my Honda Fit and tour the local strip mall for my Triumph? Should I microwave some tendies and throw myself a great Feast? But there is only one option. There is only ever one option. To Battle! Various cultures have alternatively described the gameplay loop of War Thunder as their vision of Heaven or Hell. It is both.
January 2021
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