[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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xqcWar (emote)

⣿⣿⡿⠛⣉⣭⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣭⣉⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠟⣩⡖⢿⣿⡟⢿⣿⡿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣟⣉⠉⣶⡙⣛⣛⣛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⡇⢸⣦⠀⠠⣾⣷⡞⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣧⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣍⡻⣿⣿ ⣆⠻⡷⢾⣷⣦⣴⣬⣿⣤⣤⡴⠛⠛⠻⣿⣼⣿⢇⡞⠟⠻⢿⠏⠹⠃⠛⣿⣆⢹ ⣿⠗⣨⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣛⣁⣨⡿⠀⠐⢿⡂⢈⡁⣈⣿⡿⢰ ⣁⣈⣥⣴⣶⣦⣤⣭⣉⣉⠩⣭⣭⣴⣾⣶⣤⣤⣾⣿⣷⣿⣾⣷⣾⣷⣿⠟⣡⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠷⣌⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣶⣦⣤⣬ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⣶⠶⢶⠰⢶⡆⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡏⢀⡿⠀⣼⠁⠈⠿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠁⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠉ ⢋⣉⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⠶⠖⠒⠂⠀⠐⠂⠲⣶ ⢠⣶⢀⢸⣿⣦⠶⠶⢶⣶⣶⡶⠶⠒⠾⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠦⢠⠤⠶⠀⣰⣶⣶⣸ ⣼⣿⡆⠘⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡶⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⡟⠙⢰⡟⠀⠀⠀⡀⢙⣿⢯
ascii art
June 2021
xQcOW

I want Zarya's giant feet to squash my face

twitchquotes: I want Zarya's giant feet to squash my face and suffocate me and gives me no mercy, I want her to squash my head with her gigantic thighs like a hand squashes a tomato. Just knowing that she is able to do that brings me to the brink of orgasmic relief, but I know she won't smash my body with her arms hugging me like the bear emote. Fuck, why does she have to be a video game character, I want Blizzard to make sex dolls, I would buy out all the Zarya models and keep them for myself
twitch chat
June 2017

Overwatch

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
July 2021

Classic

Please wake up, we miss you

twitchquotes: If you’re reading this, you’ve been in coma for almost 20 years now. We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope it works. Please wake up, we miss you.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Classic

AMOUGUS SO SUSSY WUSSY

ඞ AMOUGUS SO SUSSY WUSSY shut you fucking mouth its a dead game i cant even say the word sus without a person saying AMOUNGUS i cant even DESCRIBE how my life has changed from this because if i go on the internet SUS FUNNY OOH i swear next time i hear or see it i will shit on your mom
May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

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