[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

STFU

⠀⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀⠤⣀ ⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜ ⡜⠀⠀⡞⠻⠀⠛⢻⡟⠛⠀⡞⠉⠀⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⡜ ⡜⠀⠀⠳⢦⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⣧⣀⠀⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⡜ ⡜⠀⠀⣦⡼⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⡏⠀⠀⢧⣀⡼⠀⠀⡜ ⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜ ⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠒⠉⠀
ascii art
August 2021

Crayon Shin Chan

░░░░░░░░░░░░████████████░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░█████████████████░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░████████████████████░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░████░░░░░░░███████████░░░░ ░░░░░░░██████░░░░░█████████████░░░ ░░░░░░████████░░░███░░░░███████░░░ ░░░░░████░░███░░░██░░░░░░░██░███░░ ░░░░░███░░░░██░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░███░░ ░░░░░██░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░███░░ ░░░░░█░░██████░░░░██████░░░░░████░ ░░░░█░░███░░███░░███░░███░░░██░░░█ ░░░░█░░███░░███░░███░░███░░░█░░░░█ ░░░█░░░░██████░░░░██████░░░░█░░░░█ ░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░████░ ░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░██░░░░ ░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░███░░░░ ░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█████░░░ ░░█░░░░░░░█████░░░░░░░░░░███████░░ ░░█░░░░░░███████░░░░░░░░█████████░ ░░░█░░░░░░█████░░░░░░░████████████ ░░░██░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░██████████████ ░░░███░░░░░░░░░░░█████████████████ ░░██░███░░░░███████████████████░░█ ░█░░░██████████████████████████░░█ ░█░░██████████████████████████░░█░ █░░██░███████████████████████░░█░░ █░░█░░███████████████████████░░█░░ █░░█░░███████████████████████░░█░░ █░░█░████████████████████████░░█░░ █░░█░██████████████████████░█░░█░░ ████░█░████████████████████░████░░ ███░░█░░░█████████████████░░░███░░ ░░░░░█░░░░░██████████████░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░█████████░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░███░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░██░░░░░░░█░░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░███░░░░██░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░███████░░░░░░██░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░█░░██████████░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░█░░░█░░█░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░██░░█░░██░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░████░░░████░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░█░░█░░░█░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░█░██░░░██░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░█░█░░░░░█░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░█████░░░█████░░░░░░░░░░░
ascii art
September 2021

Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v2

It's Cinco de mayo... 👀🌮🎉 but all I want 🙏🏻 is cinco DICKS 🌯 in my May-OUTH 😩👅💦 Today the SEXicans 😍🇲🇽 beat the French 😒🇫🇷 at the Battle of Puebla 🔫☠ and now you're gonna get your piñata beat 😜😩 with a huge stick 😳🎉 but ❗️ONLY❗️ if you send 📲 this to 5️⃣ amigos 👬 you'd cross borders ➡️ for 👌🏻💯 Get 5️⃣ back 🔙 and you'll find the Juan for you tonight ❤️☺️😘
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Mill druid is a great example of the theory of relativity

twitchquotes: Mill druid is a great example of the theory of relativity. The closer you get to the mill horizon the more time expands, eventually becoming infinite. ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

John Cena is an Asian person born into a white body

I get a feeling that John Cena is an Asian person born into a white body. He has a lot of discipline, he was the most hardworking WWE wrestler during his time at the WWE, always coming early and putting in the work. He is extremely wise beyond his years. When confronted with a stalker, he gave the guy life lessions. He is extremely patient and show the same restraint an Asian person has. I don't know if he read a lot of Art of War or Eastern philosophy when he was younger. He learning Chinese and playing piano shows me that he is very discipline and very eager about self improving. He is a millionaire and is famous, but yet, he still wants to improve. Interestingly enough, he didn't marry some hot female despite Nikki Bella expecting a proposal. He started dating and actually married Shay Shariatzadeh not long after meeting her. John Cena wanted a smart girl, and Shay had a career and wasn't just hot. So there are many examples that John Cena surprise me as a person. Not many white people can legit speak Mandarin for that long after learning it for a short period of time. His pronunciation isn't the best, but he has ways with his words and his mind is sharp. No wonder he is so successful.
June 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing