[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Romanian Salt Baron

twitchquotes: POLICE REPORT - Canadian Mounties have at last apprehended the "Romanian Salt Baron" after suspiciously salty whining was heard outside of a dingy apartment in Toronto. The Salt Baron, a morose, balding gypsy man, was at the time playing a children's card game when Mounties burst through the door. The man attempted to resist by "brofisting" the officials, but his scrawny vegan arms had no effect. The man's wife then assumed her true Succubus form and escaped into the Nether. More at 11.
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

greekWC emote

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣤⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣇ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠭⠿⢿⡛⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣆⣀⣠⣤⣀⣤⣀⡌⢿ ⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣆⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠉⠉⠉⠿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣹⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢫⣶⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠈⠉⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⠟⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣶⣾⣿⣷⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠄⠄⢀⢀⣠⣴⣿⣀⡀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠘⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣦⣈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢻⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣭⡉⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⢻⡷⠁⣤⣶⣦⣄⠄⠈⠙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣄⠄⠄⠄⠽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
May 2019
Greekgodx

"Based"? Are "Based"? Are you fucking kidding me?

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
August 2021

Based

Classic

Among Us wikipedia entry comment (The Amogus Effect)

To: Talk:Among Us The heavy amount of shitposting which satires the videogame "Among Us" seems massive and relevant enough to me to have some sort of brief mention in this article. As there is a lot of satire about whether or not Among Us is "dead" or "overpopulated by 5 year olds". Of course, this section would maintain the formal and encyclopedic tone of Wikipedia articles, but things such as the "Among Us Effect" As seen here:1st or in the Lego Piece 26047 (Image of the aforementioned piece, which looks like the Crewmate in Among Us. This internet phenomenom is so big that you can literally post the Image of a trashcan without any context and many people will get the "Amogus" reference But take all of this with a bit of salt. My goal here is not to get the funnies, but to make wikipedia a better place, and I think this is a way to do it, but If you don't feel like this is the right way feel free to tell me.
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trump wakes up chained to the wall

twitchquotes: Trump wakes up chained to the wall of a small room with Kripp standing over him. Orange Juice begins pouring from the walls, quickly filling the space. Trump screams in horror as he struggles to get free. Kripp walks out, shuts the door and sits down to begin his stream, the white wall of the death chamber visible behind him for all his viewers to see
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp
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