[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Donald Trump vs Biden

Approximately 15 people have died from COVID within the first 10 MINUTES of Biden’s presidency. Compare that with former president Donald Trump, where there was not a SINGLE death in the first 1,125 days of his glorious reign. Not convinced? Trump created approximately 72813% more jobs in HALF of his FIRST TERM than Biden has during in his ENTIRE time as president. The numbers don’t lie Liberals 😏👌🏼
January 2021

2020 US Election

Somebody I used to know

twitchquotes: I hate when people quote songs in their spam... it reminds me of Somebody I Used to Know
twitch chat
March 2015

To a horse, the world is basically Candyland

Have you ever thought about how, to a horse, the world is basically Candyland? Like they're wandering down a trail and boom, there's just some thistles. And then to the left, a delicious tree. There's just food all over the ground everywhere. Horses seem pretty excited about it.
April 2022

Chat analyses Kripp's painting

twitchquotes: I honestly can't believe the idiocy of this chat sometimes. The green obviously represents Kripp's veganism, which is contrasted by the red below it, symbolizing animals and meat. The orange in the middle is a masterful representation of Kripp's balding spot, and the black strokes surrounding it are his attempts to hide it.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

You have been warned!

twitchquotes: Excuse me but how dare you guys do this to me? Last week i wrote a beautiful story here on twitch chat and people just started stealing it and posting it as their own. If this continues i'll be forced to take action. You have been warned!
twitch chat
August 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

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