[Copypasta] This offends me as a...

twitchquotes: This offends me as a vegan transgender hipster Native-American-Indo-Chinese hybrid alien agnostic-atheist German engineer who vapes fairtrade organic decaffeinated compressed and hydrated extra-protein soy breast milk on the regular and does Hindi Kama Sutra naked crossfit yoga 8 days a week.
twitch chat
June 2017
I used to be a real ad
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Fortnite Creepypasta (DO NOT RESEARCH)

Fortnite.EXE ctepypasta (do not read at 3AM VERY SCARY!!!) So i loaded up fort nite as usal.... but when i get to the lobby... therr is jonsy! He has black eyes and dark smiling mouth.... when i go to item shop... there is only one item... it is called BLOOD and cost 666 v buck. When i click on it... hyper relistic blood appeared on my screen!!! Then ramirez jumpscared me and fotnite crashed and deleted itself.... I havent dared to open game after that...
December 2020

Fortnite

No YEP COCK today

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠫⠓⠚⠉⠙⠓⠫⢻⠿⣟⠿⠭⠩⠛⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠕⠁⣠⠴⠒⠋⠉⢉⣉⣛⣛⣲⣤⣀⠔⠒⠛⢒⣋⣹⣛⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⣖⡫⠝⠒⠂⠀⠀⠐⠺⣷⡲⠭⠛⠓⠒⠚⠫⠬⡻ ⣿⣿⡿⢟⠝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠮⣉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡿⠿⡆⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⢰⣿⠿⡆⠀⠈ ⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡑⢄⠀⠀⠻⠿⠶⠃⠀⢀⡧⢄⡀⠘⠻⠶⠁⠀⣀ ⢧⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⡈⠓⣯⣖⣲⠤⠤⠴⠶⠯⠽⠦⢾⣿⡭⣬⡤⣩⣾ ⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠴⠒⠉⠉⣁⡠⠤⠤⠔⠒⠒⠶⠶⠦⠤⢤⣈⣉⠛⢼⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠁⠠⠴⠒⢋⣉⣠⠤⠴⠖⠒⠚⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠒⠲⠮⣭⡓⠯ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢎⠳⠤⠒⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⣳ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣱⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣱⣿⣿ ⣆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⠙⠵⣒⠤⠤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣔⣮⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠒⠒⠮⠭⠭⢉⣉⣈⡉⠉⠭⠭⠝⠋⠘⠝⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣮⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ NO YEP COCK TODAY IM SAD
ascii art
May 2020

Pepe

TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass

TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass Last night my wife and I were getting hot and heavy, and began having sex. During sex, I decided to put in a little spanking. This is where things got weird. As I slapped her ass in the heat of the moment, she bursts out with “yes daddy, spank me harder!” (To preface I knew she had some serious daddy issues)This initially was a turn on, but after a few seconds all I could think of was disciplining my daughter and my face went sour. I stopped immediately and felt awkward. She responded with “what’s wrong daddy, did you not punish me enough?” I walked out of the room and told her I needed a minute. Now I don’t think I can ever have sex again. TL;DR slapped my wife’s ass, called me daddy, now I can only think about disciplining my daughter and don’t know if I can ever have sex again
July 2022

Wow, that ACTUALLY killed me?

twitchquotes: ResidentSleeper HUH k ResidentSleeper I'm really strong right now ResidentSleeper Wow, that ACTUALLY killed me? What the fuck ResidentSleeper We played that so bad ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
November 2016
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

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