twitchquotes:
༼ຈل͜├┬┴┬┴ Psst… Moderator, you wanna buy some dongers?
twitch chat
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Why is Jake even a meme?
twitchquotes:
Why is Jake even a meme? Are really so inconsiderate and stupid so as to think that its funny? You just post it like its some kind of joke, when in reality, Jake is a serious player at the top of his game, and deserves your respect. For this reason, I refuse to spam J 
KE
KE
twitch chat
Kripp's MALDHAWK
twitchquotes:
Late last year, we were on an expedition to find the rarest hairstyle of them all.. the "MALDHAWK" A combination of MALD and a hawk nest, it combines the fluidity of middle aged male pattern baldness to a contrast of dead rats. Much to our chagrin, we found it April 13th, 2020, on a morose Canadian gypsy's stream. He had over 10k viewers at the time of writing this
twitch chat
Kripp
I finally did it. I out pizza'd the Hut
I finally did it. I out pizza'd the Hut. It was the greatest mistake of my life.
After years of perfecting my recipe, I made my way down to the local hut, fresh-baked pizza pie in hand. "Try this," I told the kid working the counter. He did, and he had to agree that it was better than anything Pizza Hut had to offer. Soon, the entire store, customers included, was feasting on my delicious pie. The manager walked over, grabbed a slice, and took a bite. I look at him, anticipation rising. This was the boss, the local fief lord of the Hut. His approval meant more to me than all the rest combined. He took a bite and nodded. "I'll be damned," he said, "you really did it. You out- pizza'd the Hut. Shame." Shame? What did he mean by tha-- the manager pulled a gun out from behind his apron and shot the nearest customer in the head. "We have a Code Jalapeño," he said into his wrist as he executed the remaining customers. "I repeat, we have a Code Jalapeño." The ground was slick with blood. The kid working the counter choked out his dying breath as the manager turned to me. "You just had to do it motherfucker. You just had to out pizza the Hut." He shoved the gun in my face. I was too scared to fight, too scared to run. The manager pulled the trigger.
A click. The gun was empty. I threw a chair at the manager and scrambled out of the Pizza Hut, not even bothering to see if my missile hit its mark. I was closely pursued by the manager, who had gotten his hands on a deadly sharp pizza cutter. I suspected in his hands it would cut more than pizza. Somehow, I was able to get into my car and speed off, the manager cursing my existence as I left him behind. I took a deep breath. The manager was clearly psychotic. Yes, that was it, just a crazy man with a gun. It had to be. My phone rang. Sister. I picked it. "They're dead, she sobbed. They're all dead. Mom, Dad, Chris, Bill. Dead. They killed them all." I could barely understand her, so great were her sobs. "What do you mean? Where are you?" I asked urgently. "How is this possi--" A single gunshot sounded through my phone's speakers. Silence. Then, I heard a man's voice. "No one out pizzas the Hut." He hung up. I drove down the empty country road, mind blank. I had nothing. They killed my family. I was alone.
At that moment I knew what I had to do. They took everything from me. Well then, I would take everything from them. Pizza Hut was so terrified of being out pizza'd, they forgot there's one thing worse than a man with a recipe: A man with nothing to lose. I'll give them a limited time offer they won't be able to refuse: two bullets for the price of one.
With a free side order of pain.
World War 2 in emojis
🇩🇪👨🏻🤝👨🏻🦳🇩🇪
🇩🇪👨🏻🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️🦏🇫🇷👀👀
🇩🇪👨🏻🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️➡️😀😀🇦🇹
🇩🇪👨🏻😡😡👉👉🇨🇿😨
🇬🇧👨🏻🦳🙄👍🇫🇷👨🎨🙄👍
🇨🇿😵🔫👨🏻🇩🇪
🇩🇪👨🏻🤝👨🏻🇷🇺
🇩🇪👨🏻😡😡👉👉🏙🇵🇱
🇵🇱🤬🤬🤬🤬🙅♂️🙅♂️
🇩🇪👨🏻🤝🇷🇺👨🏻🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️⚔➡️⚔🇵🇱😯
🇫🇷👨🎨😯🇬🇧👨🏻🦳😯
🇫🇷👨🎨😡🇬🇧👨🏻🦳✌⚔🆚️⚔👨🏻🇩🇪
🇵🇱😵🔫👨🏻🇩🇪🤝👨🏻🇷🇺
🇫🇷😵🔫👨🏻🇩🇪
🇬🇧👨🏻🦳✌🚢
🇬🇧👨🏻🦳😘😘➡️😳😳♿🇺🇸
🇯🇵😑🛫🛫💣💣➡️🇺🇸♿😯😯😭😭
🇺🇸♿😡😡🇬🇧👨🏻🦳✌⚔🆚️⚔🇩🇪👨🏻🇯🇵😑🇮🇹👨🦲
🇩🇪👨🏻⚔🆚️⚔🇷🇺👨🏻😯😯😡😡🔥🔥🔥
🇷🇺👨🏻😘😘😘➡️🇺🇸😳🇬🇧😳
🇩🇪👨🏻😵🔫🇺🇸😎🇷🇺😎🇨🇦😎🇫🇷😎
🇯🇵😵🔫🇺🇸😎☢💣
🇺🇳
Emoji Pasta
She sells sea shells on the sea shore
She sells seashells on a seashore
But the value of these shells will fall
Due to the laws of supply and demand
No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand
Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity
Shells will sell much better if the people think they’re rare, you see
Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island
Stockpile 'em high until they’re rarer than a diamond
Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em
Really want 'em, really fuckin' want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson
Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment
If you haven’t got a shell, then you're just a fucking wasteman
Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property
Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly
"Shells must sell", that will be your new philosophy
Swallow all your morals, they're a poor man's quality
Four: expand, expand, expand
Clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand
Five: why just shells? Why limit yourself?
She sells seashells, sell oil as well
Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks
Sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock
Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes
Then run to be the president of the United States
Eight: big smile mate, big wave, that's great
Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate
Nine: Polarise the people, controversy is the game
It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name
Ten: the world is yours
Step out on a stage to a round of applause
You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore
And you sell seashells on the seashore