twitchquotes:
Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
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More Copypastas
Kripparrian Lord of the Saltmen has returned to me
twitchquotes:
( ͡ᴏ ͜ʖ ͡ᴏ) I ᴡᴀʟᴋ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴀʏs, ʜᴀs ɪᴛ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs. sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍᴇʀs ʙᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛᴀʏs ʟᴏʏᴀʟ. ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ. ᴄᴀɴ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ sᴏ? ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪᴀɴ ʟᴏʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴛᴍᴇɴ ʜᴀs ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ. ɪ ᴀᴍ sᴏ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏᴄʜɪɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴄʜᴘᴀᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ( ͡ᴏ ͜ʖ ͡ᴏ)
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Kripp
Shrek is love. Shrek is life
I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
Shrek
Classic
Maya's mod responds to Miz and Maya break up
I wish I could say I didn't see this coming but...sigh..I definitely did. To many people not in the loop it may have come as a shock. They certainly LOOKED like a happy couple, but when you've been a twitch mod for as long as I have...you notice certain things. As Maya's head mod and commandant in charge of holding off weirdos I could tell very clearly that something was up.
The way she acted on stream, her general atmosphere, twas as if a beautiful chrysanthemum was being oppressed by a violent and balding Gardner. Someone who had not the faintest idea how to look after beautiful flowers.
But the time has come, the thorns and nature hath come to wreak havok. At the moment a plan is being drafted by me and the sub mods to find her a new boyfriend who is fit to properly look after her. Naturally I will be taking the temporary (and maybe permanent if all goes to plan 😉) role of boyfriend/guardian.
But while I reveal my plans and provide you all a mere glimpse at the machinations set in motion by this breakup I must warn you...
BACK OFF...
This is not your fight, you have no idea who you are dealing with. If you come after her now without going through the necessary protocols then I won't be able to control myself. There is a reason I would never show myself on stream or play among us. There is a side to the top twitch dog that you don't wanna know about. These fangs are here for a reason, don't. Make me. Use them.
Maya
Simps
Imagine spamming chat
twitchquotes:
Imagine going to an online chat and spamming it with brainless text for no reason.
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Classic
Can get on ma level (pro)
twitchquotes:
Dang it's like you could copy and paste anything in chat and everyone goes wild over it - you guys look ridiculous. Maybe yall should focus on winning so you can get on ma level (pro). While you're staring at copying and pasting, im rackin up those chicken din dins. You-->😵 me-->🤑🍗
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