[Copypasta] Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes

twitchquotes: Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
twitch chat
December 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I saw JPOW at the grocery store

I saw JPOW at the grocery store. I was buying a dozen eggs last night and the store was kind of slow since it was after dark. Some old boomer was in front of me and chatting away with the woman at the cash register. Everyone had masks on, but as soon as he spoke I recognized the voice. He was telling the lady how inflation is a good thing. She said how come inflation keeps going up but minimum wage never rises? He ignored her and pulls out a large sheet of $1 bills. He asks if she had scissors but she said no. He looked back at me and saw the eggs and said "You workout huh? Its good to stay healthy. I used to workout by lifting bales of hay after school in 1952. Eggs are a good source of energy, mind if I take one? " I shrugged and told him.go ahead. He opened my pack of eggs, takes one out, lowers his mask, just throws the whole thing in his mouth shell and all, puts his mask back up, and begins chewing loudly. As he's chewing he's crookedly folding and ripping a sheet of dollar bills handing them to the lady individually. While he's chewing he tells me it's a great time to buy bonds. I tell him I'm good. The store was short on change so he just pays the full dollar amount. He hands me a crooked bill that is almost ripped in half and says "thanks pal, in the future that single egg will be worth a dollar so we will call it even" Im heading to my car after and I see him and another boomer arguing. There was JPOW and he's arguing with a man built like a gnome wearing a poorly fit collared shirt. The little man spoke and I instantly knew it was Cramer. Cramer wanted JPOW to hurry up and stop hogging the best parking spot. JPOW tells Cramer that hes got his mask on inside out and upside down. They both start talking about inflation and then look deep into each other's eyes and start making out with their masks on. It was a pretty weird.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Trainwrecks that's true

twitchquotes: True aaaaaaaaaaaand... Yeah, that's pretty true. That's true and- yeah that's true. That's true. That's true- That's pretty true. That's pretty true, I mean-... That's true. Yeah. That's true. Uhm- That's true. That's fuckin' true. Uhm... That's how it is dude
twitch chat
February 2020
Trainwreckstv

OI OI OI! WOTS ALL THIS???

OI OI OI! β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘€β €β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒠⣠⣾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⒅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β‘„β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Όβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘—β €β €β €β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β’Ώβ£Ώβ β£©β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β£Ώβ‘Ÿβ €β €β €β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓑ⣾⣿⣋⑑⠀⣀⣷⣄⠠⠀⣉⣿⣷⣽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘»β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ™β£Ώβ£Ÿβ’‹β£°β£―β ‰β ‰β£Ώβ’„β ‰β’»β‘Ÿβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β Ήβ£Ώβ’Ώβ£·β£Άβ €β ”β£Άβ£Άβ Ώβ’Ύβ£§β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β’€β‘€β  β €β ‚β €β €β£§β‘šβ’Ώβ£Ώβ‘Άβ’Άβ‘Ώβ Ÿβ£ β£Ώβ£Ώβ €β €β €β €β „β£€β‘€β €β € β ’β ’β ‹β β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Ώβ£·β£„β‘€β €β €β €β£ˆβ£΄β£Ώβ£Ώβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ‰β ’ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓒ⣿⣿⑿⠒⠐⠺⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ⒸⒿ⣋⣀⑄⠠⣒⣀⣩⣛⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ WOTS ALL THIS??? πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ YER POISTIN LOICENSE HAS EXPOIRED!!!! πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ ONE HUNNIT TESCO CLUBCARD POINTS 'AVE BIN DEDUCTED FROM YER ACCOUN'!!!!! πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ YER THREE QUID MEAL DEAL IS GONNA BE A FIVER FROM NOW ON!!!! πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ YER WILL ALSO ONLY BE ABLE TER CHOOSE FROM A CHICKEN OR 'AM SANDWICH!!!! πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ FAILURE TO RENEW YER LOICENCE IS GONNA RESUL' IN THA LOSS OV MORE CLUBCARD POINTS!!!!!!!! πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§
January 2022

British People

Toucan

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–Œβ–€β–€β–‘β–€β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œ β–‘β–β–ˆβ–€β–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–Œβ–„β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€
November 2014

SHOVE A HAMSTER

twitchquotes: γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰ SHOVE A HAMSTER IN MY ASS γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing