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Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
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I hate gaming laptops
Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.
This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself.
There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself.
If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
Jeff / Reynad / Mitch
twitchquotes:
As Jeff pushed his Fiery War Axe deeper into Reynad's Golden Coin, Reynad hit end turn. Conceal wore off to reveal it was in fact Mitch Jones's Fiery Bat that was penetrating Reynad's Huge Toad. Reynad gasped, and tried to scurry away, but Mitch Jones held on as he forced his way into his Unstable Portal.
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Reynad
Hearthstone
It seems you've Eucked Fk0p
twitchquotes:
As Trump leads Mira into the bedroom, she thinks about how many viewers tucking Frump will get her. As they get in bed, Trump turns off the light. After a vigorous minute, Mira rolls off Trump. "Could you host my stream?" she asks. "Sure," replies Ek 
p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
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Trump
thank you for slow mode
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thank you for slow mode. im an old man and chat scrolling so fast makes it hard to keep up. thank you again from a 56 year old veteran.
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