[Copypasta] Todd Howard Fallout 76 announcement

twitchquotes: Hey, gamers. It's me, Todd Howard with an important announcement. Fallout 76 was all an early April Fools' joke. To help us release the REAL game, Fallout: New Vegas 2, all I need is your credit card number, the expiration month and year, and the three digits on the back.
twitch chat
November 2018
Fallout 76 was a huge flop on release. Massive PR backlash.
I used to be a real ad
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God of War Kratos

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
September 2021

Hello Kripp, this is Optimus Prime

twitchquotes: ๏ผจ๏ฝ…๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ ๏ผซ๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ๏ฝ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“ ๏ผฏ๏ฝ๏ฝ”๏ฝ‰๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ“ ๏ผฐ๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝ“๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ„๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡ ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ„๏ฝ…๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ“๏ฝ“๏ฝ๏ฝ‡๏ฝ…๏ผŽ ๏ผท๏ฝ… ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ… ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝ“๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡ ๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ“๏ฝ…๏ฝŒ๏ฝ† ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ ๏ผฏ๏ผช ๏ฝ—๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŒ๏ฝ… ๏ผด๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ„๏ฝ…๏ฝƒ๏ฝ‹๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡ ๏ผค๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ“๏ผŽ ๏ผฐ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ“๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ… ๏ฝ๏ฝ„๏ฝ–๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“๏ฝ… ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ‰๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ–๏ฝ… ๏ฝ๏ฝ… ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ ๏ฝƒ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ‰๏ฝƒ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ•๏ฝ” ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‰ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ผฎ๏ฝ๏ฝš๏ฝ‰ ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ„๏ฝ“๏ผŽ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Hi Kripp, it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Reynad please give pube-styling tips

twitchquotes: Hey reynad, ever since I listened to your tips my hair has never been better! But now I need pube-styling tips. Do you trim or straighten it? I was thinking an Abe Lincoln look. what do you think?
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. Iโ€™m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but Iโ€™m not sure what to say in interviews now if Iโ€™m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
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