[Copypasta] 98% of memes aren't even remotely funny

twitchquotes: Did ๐Ÿ‘ You ๐Ÿ‘ˆ Know? ๐Ÿ’ญ 98% of ๐Ÿ’ฆ memes ๐Ÿธ aren't ๐Ÿšซ even ๐ŸŒƒ remotely funny, ๐Ÿ˜„ but ๐Ÿ‘ rather ๐Ÿ‘‰ an ๐Ÿ‘น indication of ๐Ÿ’ฆ the ๐Ÿ‘ low ๐Ÿ“‰ intelligence, absence of ๐Ÿ’ฆ empathy, and ๐Ÿ‘ devolution of ๐Ÿ’ฆ modern ๐Ÿ–ฅ man. ๐Ÿ‘จ
twitch chat
July 2017
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Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021

Steve Yuen "You Are Gay"

Have you even been walking down the street with your best bro, and while you're walking you accidentally touch hands. You think to yourself, "that was weird, but, I'm not gay". You are. You are gay.
June 2021

Japan's most influential engineers

twitchquotes: Today, we've sadly lost one of Japan's most influential engineers. His name was "Yaoi Futanari" and he designed some of the most important parts of the modern CD Player. He has sadly passed away at the age of 96. Show some love and give him a search on Google.
twitch chat
June 2020

Dear Weebs in the chat, you are sugoi

twitchquotes: (โ—•โ€ฟโ—•โœฟ) Dear Weebs in the chat, you are sugoi. Whatever is going on in your kokoro right now, please know that you are kawaii and your story is not a filler. You are loved (โ—•โ€ฟโ—•โœฟ) KonCha
twitch chat
March 2018

Weebs

THERE'S TOO MUCH SALT

twitchquotes: (โ•ฌ เฒ ็›Šเฒ ) IM GETTING ANGRY THERES TOO MUCH SALT (โ•ฌ เฒ ็›Šเฒ )
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad
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