[Copypasta] 98% of memes aren't even remotely funny

twitchquotes: Did 👏 You 👈 Know? 💭 98% of 💦 memes 🐸 aren't 🚫 even 🌃 remotely funny, 😄 but 🍑 rather 👉 an 👹 indication of 💦 the 👏 low 📉 intelligence, absence of 💦 empathy, and 👏 devolution of 💦 modern 🖥 man. 👨
twitch chat
July 2017
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Kripp and Arthus

twitchquotes: Ｍｙ ｓｏｎ ｔｈｅ ｄａｙ ｙｏｕ ｗｅｒｅ ｂｏｒｎ， ｔｈｅ ｖｅｒｙ ｗｅｂｓｉｔｅｓ ｏｆ ｉｎｔｅｒｎｅｔ ｗｈｉｓｐｅｒｅｄ ｔｈｅ ｎａｍｅ： Ｋｒｉｐｐａｒｉａｎ．Ｍｙ ｃｈｉｌｄ， Ｉ ｗａｔｃｈｅｄ ｗｉｔｈ ｐｒｉｄｅ ａｓ ｙｏｕ ｇｒｅｗ ｉｎｔｏ ａ ｇａｍｅｒ ｏｆ ｈａｒｄｃｏｒｅｎｅｓｓ．Ｒｅｍｅｍｂｅｒ， ｏｕｒ ｆａｍｉｌｙ ａｌｗａｙｓ ｐｌａｙｅｄ ｈａｒｄｃｏｒｅ ｗｉｔｈ ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ ａｎｄ Ｉ ｋｎｏｗ ｙｏｕ ｗｉｌｌ ｎｅｖｅｒ ｐｌａｙ ｃａｓｕａｌ ｓｃｒｕｂｃｏｒｅ ｓｈｉｔ， ｂｕｔ ｔｈｅ ｔｒｕｅｓｔ ｈａｒｄｃｏｒｅｎｅｓｓ ｉｓ ｍｙ ｓｏｎ ｉｓ ｔｈｅ ｅｎｔｅｒｔａｉｎｉｎｇ ｙｏｕｒ ｖｉｅｗｅｒｓ． Ｉ ｔｅｌｌ ｙｏｕ ｔｈｉｓ ｆｏｒ ｗｈｅｎ ｍｙ ｄａｙｓ ｃｏｍｅ ｔｏ ａｎ ｅｎｄ ｙｏｕ ｓｈａｌｌ ｎｏｔ ｂｅ ｃａｓｕａｌ．
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

I challenge you to “Turtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to “Turtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the “dock” is crowned Turtle 🤴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

I saw JPOW at the grocery store

I saw JPOW at the grocery store. I was buying a dozen eggs last night and the store was kind of slow since it was after dark. Some old boomer was in front of me and chatting away with the woman at the cash register. Everyone had masks on, but as soon as he spoke I recognized the voice. He was telling the lady how inflation is a good thing. She said how come inflation keeps going up but minimum wage never rises? He ignored her and pulls out a large sheet of $1 bills. He asks if she had scissors but she said no. He looked back at me and saw the eggs and said "You workout huh? Its good to stay healthy. I used to workout by lifting bales of hay after school in 1952. Eggs are a good source of energy, mind if I take one? " I shrugged and told him.go ahead. He opened my pack of eggs, takes one out, lowers his mask, just throws the whole thing in his mouth shell and all, puts his mask back up, and begins chewing loudly. As he's chewing he's crookedly folding and ripping a sheet of dollar bills handing them to the lady individually. While he's chewing he tells me it's a great time to buy bonds. I tell him I'm good. The store was short on change so he just pays the full dollar amount. He hands me a crooked bill that is almost ripped in half and says "thanks pal, in the future that single egg will be worth a dollar so we will call it even" Im heading to my car after and I see him and another boomer arguing. There was JPOW and he's arguing with a man built like a gnome wearing a poorly fit collared shirt. The little man spoke and I instantly knew it was Cramer. Cramer wanted JPOW to hurry up and stop hogging the best parking spot. JPOW tells Cramer that hes got his mask on inside out and upside down. They both start talking about inflation and then look deep into each other's eyes and start making out with their masks on. It was a pretty weird.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Every 60 seconds in Murica, 60000 burgers are digested

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Eᴠᴇʀʏ 60 sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅs ɪɴ Mᴜʀɪᴄᴀ, 60,000 ʙᴜʀɢᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴅɪɢᴇsᴛᴇᴅ. Tᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴛʜɪs. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅ. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Streamer is a Hydraposter

twitchquotes: I feel that when I post Hydras in [streamer name]'s stream, he secretly enjoys it. First, Nightbot's symbol spamming feature is disabled. Second, the slight sardonic intonation in his voice leads me to suspect that he thinks it's funny. Furthermore, I only ever get 24 hour bans for summoning. If he truly had distain for the Holy Hydra, he would just permaban all the followers. Instead, deep down, I feel [streamer name] is a Hydraposter.
twitch chat
February 2021
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