[Copypasta] This is exactly why I LOVE Twitch chat

Infinite Cum Part 2

Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity. “You’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room. “Where am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos. “You are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.” “How?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity. “You have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity. By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.” “Will I not die?” “You can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist” … Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you. Months pass. The cum accelerates. Then years. The cum accelerates. Then decades. The cum accelerates. Then centuries. The cum accelerates. Then eons. The cum accelerates. No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity. The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased. Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth. Their plan was flawed.

April 2022

Infinite Cum

Red crew mate

🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥

ascii art

May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards

twitchquotes: Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards. It's just so positive and generous. Practically costs nothing at all at one mana you drop him on the board and that chill ass mofo gives you a spell to use later in the game. And you also get this adorable little 1/1 can ping things but usually is too harmless to be removed. But more than the BB is just so positive. It comes on the board like "do you want to cast a spell?" and I'm like "yeah BB i do want to cast a spell let's do this shit" and when he attacks he's like "SPELLS ARE FUN" and I'm like "yeah they are SO FUN." He doesn't say some bullshit macho shit like "I will destroy you" he's just like "nah spells are fun." And it looks so happy. I mean this is an inanimate object literally brought to life by magic. It understands it's life is a temporary magical gift and the dude is just fucking loving it. I mean look at his face he's just so happy. I am literally never sad when babbling book is on board. IDK if he's gonna make it into the metagame or not but for now he (or she) a pretty chill card

twitch chat

December 2016

Classic

Hearthstone

A hole in my son's body pillow

My son is 13, recently I've bought him a body pillow of a cartoon he liked and I've noticed he made a hole in it, does this mean he doesn't like the pillow? Should I buy him a new one?

May 2021

Hungrybox at a grocery store

I saw Hungrybox at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen green bandannas in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bandannas and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and rested me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bandanna and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by popping off really loudly.

January 2019

Hungrybox

[Copypasta] This is exactly why I LOVE Twitch chat

Infinite Cum Part 2

Infinite Cum

Red crew mate

Among Us / Amogus

Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards

Classic

Hearthstone

A hole in my son's body pillow

Hungrybox at a grocery store

Super Smash Bros

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