I just figured out why they call them βBrokersβ
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Robinhood halts trading on President's Day
This is bullshit. Iβm disgusted and Iβm honestly on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown. Robinhood has once again halted trading. But this time itβs halted on all stocks. This fine Monday morning I wake up to find that all orders arenβt going to be filled till tomorrow morning. My dadβs wifeβs girlfriend is a powerful lawyer in Boca Raton and Iβm seriously considering retaining her services and filing a class action lawsuit against these citadel dick munchers. This has happened to me too many times. Iβm low key spiraling into madness. Donate to me on onlyfans if you want to contribute towards the legal fees. Sheβs giving me a pretty kickass discount, but she estimates itβs still going to cost $150k. This happens to be the amount I lost on gme, but this is not relevant to the conversation here. Itβs time to rise up and take down robinhood once and for all.
Also, yeah my stepmom has a girlfriend. Itβs 2021 you bigots.
WallStreetBets
Mitch is the type of dude who...
Mitch McConnell shaves his face with the same razor he shaves his nuts and butt hole
Mitch the type of guy to put on sunglasses to get another free sample at Costco
Mitch the type of guy that says "you too" when the waitress tells him to enjoy his meal.
Mitch the kinda guy to leave βsmile moreβ on the tip section of a receipt
Mitch is the type of dude who says "Ni Hao" to the waiter at a Thai restaurant
Mitch the type of guy to shower then shit
Mitch McConnell claps when the plane lands
Mitch is the type of dude who thinks crest toothpaste is spicy
Mitch the kind of guy that uses self checkout with a full cart.
WallStreetBets
HODL
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WallStreetBets
Bear King Burry vs TSLA
Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly.
"The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee.
TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair.
Bear King Burry turns to the crowd
"Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?"
A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries.
On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time.
"Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..."
Bear King Burry turns to WSB
"Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch."
"Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want."
A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring.
"And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously.
BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends.
"Who am I?" the robed figure inquires.
The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall.
The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence.
"Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly.
The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature.
The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes.
"I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
WallStreetBets
These are classic hedge fund tricks.
WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS NOT A SELL-OFF.
Melvin Capital is going to throw a lot of tricks at us that will make it look like the stock is dropping. Don't fall for it.
Do not sell if you see any of these things happen:
GME drops by 30% or more after hours
SEC filings show that shorts have all exited their positions
GME drops below $1 a share
The Gamestop locations near you start closing
GME files for bankruptcy
GME is delisted from the stock exchange
Your bank forecloses on your home for late payment
Your children have children of their own who grow up and become investment bankers and tell you that you should stop telling people you're "diamond handing" a company that went out of business 30 years ago
These are classic hedge fund tricks.