twitchquotes:
I'm SICK of STREAMERS referring to all us all as "Twitch Chat" as if we're some sort of hivemind. I am NOT a DRONE. I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!
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What happened to this ad? :(
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Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub
Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday
Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
It's me Tanner from High School
twitchquotes:
It's me Tanner from High School. I'm sorry for bulling you in class. Now I'm trying to be a better person and make amends. Please accept my apology. I am on the 12 steps program and trying to recover from alcoholism since I was diagnosed with a rare disease called ligma Just kidding nerd!! I'm gonna keep slapping Veronica's ass and driving around in my Dodge Charger. I gotta go to the gym. Good talk!
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Tanner from High School
Roe v. Wade Emoji Pasta
HEY ππ© there comrade π¦πͺcummy! the πΉ supreme π cockπ has π³voted to strike π©ββοΈβοΈdown the π sexy π€§π€°π»roe v. wade decision πaccording π€€π¦Άπ»to a opinion πwrittenβοΈπΈ by daddy π
π»π sammy πΆπ»π
π»ββοΈ aLITo. π·π¨ the opinion is a π¦π FULL THROATED π²β€οΈβπ₯GIRTHY π contraDICKtion π«π of the 1973 πΏπdecision that ππ»ββοΈπ guaranteed federal π€ cocks-titutuinal π³ protection π
πof abortion rights!!! β€οΈβπ₯π«‘everyone who π³οΈβππ¦ woke remember πβπ»π€ to fund πΈπ₯΅ planned parenthood and πͺπΌ donate to π§πΌβπΌπ€abortion funds! get yo πΈuturuses ππ turnt you πwhore! πevery whore knows π§ πΌthat everyone πshould have π©ββοΈπ₯access to safe π πabortions β€οΈπ if they choose π
π»π to have one. ππΉsend to ten π¬πof your closest π±π
ΎοΈWHORES to secure abortion π«π€rights in ameriCUM π€€πΊπΈif you get five β back abortion ππrights will be codified π©ββοΈπ€€in law πΈπ
