[Copypasta] My boss caught me watching a hottub streamer

Hey, quandale Pringle here, My boss caught me watching a hottub streamer during work and he squeezed my hog so hard and wouldn't even stop after I banned him. My brother Cornelius Bartholomew Anderson ringle got caught in an alberian twitch prime and bits scam and got sent to the gulag, but we've snuck him a Nokia 3310 in his ass with a spoon that he'll be using to plan a breakout with my cousin longsdale dimmsdimone slingle.
July 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Shots 1-5 clearly missed

Summary: Shots 1-5: Clearly missed. Shots 6-9: Missed due to recoil (bad spray control). Shots 10-11: Very close, but recoil and inaccuracy make these reasonable misses. Shot 12: Likely didn't actually fire because Hiko was already dead.
March 2021

CSGO

The tragedy of Darth Pepega

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Pepega the Retarded? I thought not. It's not a story the High Elo players would tell you. It's a Silver legend. Darth Pepega was a Dark Lord of the Silver, so boosted and so retarded he could use his Flame to influence the outcome of the game... He had such a knowledge of the flame, he could even keep the ones who tried to carry him from winning. The dark side of the Mental is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught a rioter everything he knew, then the rioter banned him in his sleep. Ironic. He could grant the enemy team LP, but not himself.
twitch chat
August 2019

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

League of Legends

Jam a man of fortune xQc

π’₯𝒢𝓂 𝒢 𝑀𝒢𝓃 π‘œπ’» πΉπ‘œπ“‡π“‰π“Šπ“ƒπ‘’, 𝒢𝓃𝒹 π’₯ π“‚π“Šπ“ˆπ“‰ π“ˆπ‘’π‘’π“€ π“‚π“Ž πΉπ‘œπ“‡π“‰π“Šπ“ƒπ‘’ οΌπ»π‘’π“ƒπ“‡π“Ž Γ†π“‹π‘’π“‡π’Ύπ‘’π“ˆ, 𝟣𝟫𝟫𝟦
May 2021
xQcOW

THATS RIGHT IM TALKING ABOUT EU LUL

twitchquotes: OUR TEETH ARE EWWWWW LUL THE PEOPLE WHO WATCH US ARE FEW LUL SJOKZ IS THE ONLY GOOD THING TO VIEW LUL THATS RIGHT IM TALKING ABOUT EU LUL
twitch chat
August 2018
Riot Games

League of Legends

EU vs NA

Elder Scrolls developer messages Kripp

twitchquotes: (The Elder Scrolls: Legendsβ„’ Developer): Hey Kripp! Just popping on to make sure you started streaming our game on time. Remember to wear your TES:L shirt and don't forget our little 'arrangement' later tonight at the motel. ;)
twitch chat
March 2017
Kripp

sellout

Text-to-Speech Playing