I hate when people refer to orange juice as OJ.
Why OJ? Do you want to sound cool? Is it so much of a hustle to say orange juice? Do you abbreviate apple juice too? " Hey yeah, let me have some AJ?" - said by no one ever. I just think it sound annoying af.
Edit: I don't have any issues with abbreviations, except for OJ as orange juice. Sorry if I offended some of you with sensitive feelings.
I used to be a real ad
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Overused sexually identification copypasta
I sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say to me that a person who does this is a laughable idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to paste unfunny sexually identification copypastas to reddit in hope of receiving virtual internet points. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.
I sexually Identify as
TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Classic
Happy poop
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣵⣶⣬⣉⡻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⣃⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢡⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣈⠛⢿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⢿⣿
⣿⠟⣋⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿
⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⣹⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙
⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧
⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏
⣷⣦⣙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠟⢛⣛⣛⡛⠻⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⢛⣡⣾
I dropped my deck of playing cards
twitchquotes:
ᴬ♥ ⁴♣ ³♥ ⁴♥ ¹⁰♣ ᴶ♠ ⁶♠ ᑫ♥ ⁸♦ ⁹♦ ⁴♠ ⁵♥ ᴷ♠ ⁵♣ ⁵♦ ²♦ ⁵♠ ᑫ♠ ³♠ ⁶♥ ▼ ⁶♣ ¹⁰♥ ⁶♦ I dropped my deck of playing cards ⁷♥ ᴬ♠ ⁷♣ ³♦ ᴷ♣ ⁷♦ ²♠ ⁷♠ ⁸♥ ²♣ ᴷ♥ ⁸♣ ⁴♦ ¹⁰♦ ⁸♠ ⁹♥ ᴬ♣ ⁹♣ ³♣ ⁹♠ ¹⁰♥ ¹⁰♦ ¹⁰♠ ᴶ♥ ᴬ♦ ²♥ ᴶ♣ ᴶ♦ ᑫ♣ ᑫ♦ ᴷ♦ ᴷ♠
twitch chat
Kripp
Hang out in an MSN room
twitchquotes:
Hiyo there krippery pip! Philo here, just wondering if you'd ever wanna hang out in an "msn" room as the young folks like to call it, anyway please get back to me old pal ol buddyo, heres my fax! 0512 341 301
twitch chat
Kripp