I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it.
Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house.
Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust.
Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”.
I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy.
My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house.
I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure.
RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
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Give me a second guys, Dex says
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"Give me a second, guys," Dex says. "Gotta hit up the mailman" He turns down the volume on his bork, and immediately gives Kripp a swift kick down the stairs. As Kripp yelps loudly in pain, Dex overturns the nearest chair, yelling "Fuck this delivery!" as loudly as he can. Fey tries to calm him down, but Dex swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Dex wipes the blood off of his snout, sits back down at his ball, and resumes being a good doggy
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Kripp
Lazy SCP writers be like
Scp-████ is a ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ foundation staff ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ D-3819 ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ among us ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ genitals were obliterated ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
Huntard
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ლ(◉◡◔ლ) HUNTARD OP ლ(◉◡◔ლ)
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Reynad
yo
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To ̼̜͈͔̰i̲͓̬̜͓̳ͅn̪̹v̨͚̜̪̠͉̝͉o͕̤̘̻̮̘̭k̦̦̖̠̪e͇͎̙̖ͅ ̭̗͚̠t̻̥h̻͜e̲̩̣̩ ̖̹h̯̟i͕v͏̼͙͖̮͍̞e̺͙͉̦͡-͏̥̻m̷̤i͓n̻̱͍̼̼d͖̜̝̰̳̱͇͟ ̠͍̳ṛ̷e̱͎̟pr̬ḙ̗̫̖͖̜͓̀s̵̗̲͉̭̤en̥̣͟t̨̬͔̣̼̹̘i̶̼͚̻̻n̬g̱̗̩̯̭̬͘ ̻̻̮̪̬ͅc͞h̯̼͇̥ao̫̳̭̲̹̲͟s.̙͓̲͍͉͞ͅ
͖͎̳͕Ìṋ̲̻̞̫̠̫v̛̯͍̞̘̼̮ͅo̬k̻̺͚̲͖ͅi̢n̵͇͖̼g ͓̺͈̬̞͖͉t̰͕̟̭̱̩ḩ̠̪͕͙͓̘̝e̱͖͔͙͝ͅ ̫̲̤͢f̸̻̣̰͔̳̪͚e̯ẹ̤̣̫l̤̀i̢̲̩n҉̲̹g̵̜̺̙͈͔̦̼ ̼̘͙̹͍̟̻͝o̢̟̺̹̮f͜ ͖͕͟c̸̠̤h̠̙͇͉a̳͍̕oș̡.̦͈̱̱̝̣
͇̗͖̩̣̣͝W̨͎̱̬̞͓̼ḭ͎̖t̳̜̩͕̬͕h ̞̺͇̤̫̤͜o͓͓̮̤u̞̗̰̮̘t̼́ ̖̺̳̩̦̝ͅo͕̝r͔͓̗d͇̩̙͟ḙ̻̫̭̯̣r̸͉̯̠̯̥̺.̺̼͚̳̘͈͈
̮̳͉̖͟Ț̛̠̙͍̻͚͖h͟e͈̪̙̗̰̖ ̛̠̹̜̲̞͖ͅN͔̪̼̬̗͉͟e̫͔̼͉̹z̬̠p̯͈̰̯̫͡è̪͖͉͓̼͇r̻͝d̲i͓̻̳̼̘͜a̧͈̲n͉̮̻͈̯͘ ͚̼̝h̯̰̞̥͉͈i̷͓̖͓̟ͅv̷̭͎̳̰e͇͔͍̩̭-̠̟̣̺̱̣̹m͍̬̳͚̙i̝̭n̪͖̳d̻͟ ̞̠͔̹o̢̖̺͈͓͖͎f̭̬̥͍̳̜ ̣̣̪̻̹̥̙c͢h̶a̛̼̙̞̜̮͓o͓̣͕͙̫̩͢ͅs͙.͎̱̹̳͍̫͚͢ ҉͓͕̱̟͓Z͔͈͓̙̮̮̭̀àl̞̥͎̜g̝o.̻͉͚͢
͕̦͖̹͙̙͓H̘͇̖e͝ ̰̹̭͡wh̺̺͔͙o͕̖̱͕̖̞͉ ̦W̺a̖̱̙̙̬̺̘i̘̻̮̲t͙s̵͈ ̟̕B̛̯e͔͘hi̺ͅn͕͚̣̟̼͘d ̟͠T̵̞h̘̭̝̭̺̀ẹ̸͇ ̘̖̖̟̪̼̞̀W̧͙̱̠a̫ll.̱̥̣͙̤̮ͅ
̩͙͍̝͔Z͏̲̝̜̹̹̱A̴͕̲̥̟͖͈̭Ḷ͞G͇͙̣̞O̸̖͍͕!̛̻
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Kaceytron
This player doesn't even use a monitor
I've seen [insert player here] play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his gun barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes.