I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it.
Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house.
Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust.
Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”.
I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy.
My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house.
I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure.
RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas
If that's not his knee then wha...
twitchquotes:
If that's not his knee then wha... oh my... 
twitch chat
Kripp
So as a joke, I fucked my friend in a Red M&M cosplay
So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Red M&M’s wrapper and shoes. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as an M&M and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made mde feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my wrapper. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "It’s that kind of party."
He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter, can’t resist my chocolaty interior?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "I melt in your mouth, not in your hands!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came.
His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'ms till Red M&M."
Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto
twitchquotes:
Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto and I am begging you to stop drinking so much OJ. Since you became popular on the Twitch our sales have decreased by over 69% because Canadians want to be like you. For *** sake please drink some apple juice! If you continue drinking OJ, I wont be able to feed my family anymore
twitch chat
Kripp
Kappa
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░▄▀▀▀▀▀█▀▄▄▄▄░░░░
░░▄▀▒▓▒▓▓▒▓▒▒▓▒▓▀▄░░
▄▀▒▒▓▒▓▒▒▓▒▓▒▓▓▒▒▓█░
█▓▒▓▒▓▒▓▓▓░░░░░░▓▓█░
█▓▓▓▓▓▒▓▒░░░░░░░░▓█░
▓▓▓▓▓▒░░░░░░░░░░░░█░
▓▓▓▓░░░░▄▄▄▄░░░▄█▄▀░
░▀▄▓░░▒▀▓▓▒▒░░█▓▒▒░░
▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄▒▒█░
░▀░▀░░░░░▒▒▀▄▄▒▀▒▒█░
░░▀░░░░░░▒▄▄▒▄▄▄▒▒█░
░░░▀▄▄▒▒░░░░▀▀▒▒▄▀░░
░░░░░▀█▄▒▒░░░░▒▄▀░░░
░░░░░░░░▀▀█▄▄▄▄▀░░░
Classic
LilZ
░░░░░░░░▄▄▀▀█▀▀▀▀▀▄▄░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░▄▀▓░░▒░░▒▒▒▒▒▒█▄░░░░░░
░░░░▄█▓▓▓░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▀▄░░░░
░░▄▀█▌▓▓▓░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐▌▓▀▄░░
░█▓▓█▌▓▄▄▓░░░▒▒▒▒▄▄▒▒▒█▓▓▀▄░
▄▀▓▓█▌▓▀█▓░░░▒▒▒▒█▓▀▒▄▌▓▓▓▓█
█▓▓▓▄▀▓▓▓▓░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░▌▓▓▓█
▀▄▓▓█░▀▓▓░░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒░▄▌▓▓█░
░█▓▓▓█░▓░░░░░░░░░▒▒▒░░█▓▓▓█░
░▀▄▓▓█░▐░░▄▄███▄░░░▐░░░▀▄▀░░
░░▀▄▄▀░▐░░█████▀░░▄▀░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░▀░░▀██▀░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░