I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it.
Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some “dude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house.
Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust.
Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said “you’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask “for what?” He says “I just killed a big ass spider for you”.
I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled “YOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy.
My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house.
I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure.
RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
I used to be a real ad
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HELP!!! If you're reading this...
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TidesOfTime
Greggnog
First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking.
I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.
Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.
Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up."
I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight.
He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?
Classic
Wow, that actually killed me
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The year is 2034. QT lies on his death bed. As he lies there in his last breath he whispers: "Wow, that actually killed me."
The year is 2034. QT lies on his death bed. As he lies there in his last breath he whispers: "Wow, that actually killed me."
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imaqtpie
League of Legends
Roach boy =)
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no stories need bro =) yur on welfare not me=p so how is no job going for ya anyway? bottom feeding like your parents before u =) atta boy! stay at the bottom =) be a good lil roach. my job wouldnt be such a joke if it wasnt for u fools =) keep me comfy at the top =) its good to sit above roaches like u =)
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Reynad
Ram Ranch lyrics
18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! Big hard throbbing ccks wanting to be sucked! 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fcked! Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! On their knees wanting to suck cowboy c*cks! Ram Ranch really rocks!
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Big hard throbbing ccks getting sucked real deep! Cowboys even getting fcked in their sleep! Ram Ranch, it rocks! Cowboys love big hard throbbing c*cks!
18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! Big hard throbbing ccks wanting to be sucked! 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fcked! Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! On their knees wanting to suck cowboy c*cks! Ram Ranch really rocks!
Hot hard buff cowboys their ccks throbbing hard! 18 more wild cowboys out in the yard! Big bulging ccks ever so hard!
Orgy in the showers at Ram Ranch! Big hard throbbing c*cks ramming cowboy butt! Like a breeding ram wanting to rut!
18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! Big hard throbbing ccks wanting to be sucked! 18 naked cowboys wanting to be fcked! Cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch! On their knees wanting to suck cowboy c*cks! Ram Ranch really rocks!
Big hard throbbing ccks getting sucked real deep! Cowboys even getting fcked in their sleep! Ram Ranch, it rocks! Cowboys love big hard throbbing c*cks!