[Copypasta] To a horse, the world is basically Candyland

Have you ever thought about how, to a horse, the world is basically Candyland? Like they're wandering down a trail and boom, there's just some thistles. And then to the left, a delicious tree. There's just food all over the ground everywhere. Horses seem pretty excited about it.
April 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
March 2021

I sexually Identify as

THIS IS PETA DONT MOVE LISTEN UP

twitchquotes: THIS IS PETA DONT FUCKIN MOVE LISTEN UP I KNOW YOU'VE KILLED TWO DOGS YOU TERRORIST PEPPERONI SCUM. PUT YOUR DONGER WHERE I CAN SEE IT ΰΌΌ β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β–€ΜΏ ΜΏ ΰΌ½=/Μ΅/'ΜΏ'ΜΏ ΜΏ ΜΏ
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie

Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith

twitchquotes: The year is 20XX. Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith. No longer are matches decided through complex inputs and tactics. It began when some questioned the idea of matchups against characters. The community realized that gameplay no longer mattered, and only the character. Tournaments became complex games of rock-paper-scissors, and eventually another epiphany was had. Why bother with deciding afterwards and wasting time when the match could be decided before it began? Thus, referees decided who won and who lost automatically using a combination of facial recognition AI, mandatory reflex tests, and standardized quizzes and tests on military tactics and stratagem. With time, tests weren't even needed. Judges became so acute at deciding who won and who lost that tournaments happened in seconds, and results uploaded in less. The final destination was reached. Babies were bred and engineered to become the most desirable "players", if one could call it that. Soon, humanity ceased to think, and became mindless slaves to the autonomous ones and zeroes that decided their worth, ironically becoming the machines they once played with.
twitch chat
May 2020

Super Smash Bros

Ape

β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’ β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–Œβ– β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ– β–β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’ β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’ β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’
February 2015

Yuumi isn’t so great?

twitchquotes: Yuumi isn’t so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a champion with such skill expression and movement options in League? Yuumi puts the game in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a chamption with her skill and options in the game again. Riven breaks the game. Vladimir breaks the game. Yuumi breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.
twitch chat
May 2019

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing