[Copypasta] An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke

Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
April 2022
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Hello my beautiful goddess Kripp

twitchquotes: Hello my beautiful goddess Kripp. I saw your stream and figured I'd try writing you. You are astoundingly beautiful to me. It would be a pleasure and a privilege getting to know you. I'd love to find out if you are as beautiful inside as you are out. Hope to hear from you soon, sincerely *nazi mod*, your friendly neighborhood white knight.
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

MODS

Hey Chat Who Cares?

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September 2020

Emoji move emoji review

twitchquotes: A 👌 whole 💦 town 🏪 of 💦 beings, 👀 confined to 💦 feeling 😜 one 😤 emotion their 🍆 entire 👏 life. 👤 That 😐 could 🔒 honestly 👏 be 🐝 the 👏 focus of 💦 an 👹 entire 👏 movie, 🎥 but 🍑 in 👏 the 👏 emoji 😂 movie 🎥 that's 😦 just 👏 the 👏 world 🌎 they 👥 live 🙅 in, 👏 and 👏 yet 😇 these 👈 beings 👀 don't 🚫 question 😩 it 💯 and 👏 carry 🔛 on 🔛 their 🍆 lives 📴 as 🍑 normal... 😐 the 👏 emoji 😂 movie 🎥 takes 😉 a 👌 far 🌌 more 🍗 subtle 🙈 approach 😜 meaning critics probably 😻 didn't 🚫 notice the 👏 strong 💪 existential themes present 💲 in 👏 the 👏 film upon 👦 first 👆 viewing.
twitch chat
July 2017

Emoji Pasta

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys. Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map. As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and the piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects. Yawn. Chess has shitty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do shit. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit. The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units. They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life. Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him. Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead. 3 out of 10.
December 2020

The LoL player couldn't deny

twitchquotes: A Dota player and a LoL player walks into a bar. The Dota gamer turns around to the LoL gamer saying, "LoL sucks!" The LoL player couldn't deny. BrokeBack
twitch chat
March 2016

Dota 2

Text-to-Speech Playing