[Copypasta] An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke

Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
April 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Yeah I'm a virgin, so what?

Yeah I'm a virgin, so what? I'm waiting for the "right one", there's nothing wrong with that. Just because I'm 36 doesn't make it "weird" or make me a "loser". I have standards. I'm not going to give away my state of chastity to some bar/club "whore"; that's just not the kind of guy I am. I require a REAL women that will hold and care for me gently, and who can, above all else, love me for who I am. Once I find that person, I'll happily donate my virginity away. Until then, I am fine being a virgin. Besides, I have a fleshlight, so it's not like I don't know how it feels anyway. Maybe one day you immature keyboard cretins will understand that life isn't about just having sex for the accomplishment, it's about love and finding the "one" to share that experience with.
September 2021

Kripp forgot about shredder placement

twitchquotes: Pupparrian scampers excitedly as Kripp carries the new bird cage. "Here you go, Birdarrian," says Kripp as he hangs the cage in the office. Unfortunately, Pupparian's joyful romping caused kripp to stumble, the cage bursting open and Birdarrian falling helplessly into the merciless jaws of the paper shredder sitting below the cage. "Oh no," gasps Kripp, "I forgot about shredder placement!"
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

Joe many liberals does it take to change a log by bolb?

Joe many liberals does it take to change a log by bolb????? None , their to busy ???? Their gender πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
August 2021

Masturbation Notice from school

MASTURBATION NOTICE It has come to our attention that students have been masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is ILLEGAL and against school district policy The bathroom pipes are NOT designed to handle human discharge or anything other than your regular bathroom duties The excessive amounts of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes. Multiple pipes have become close to bursting due to the amount of excessive semen build-up. This will cost THOUSANDS of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage caused by this Please masturbate in your own homes and at your own disposal If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom, it will be collected and analyzed to determine who it belongs to. If it is discovered that the discharge is yours, YOU will be fine $ 1,000 and be reported to proper authorities Thank you for your cooperation
March 2022

A New Toucan Has Arrived

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘Aβ–‘NEWβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘TOUCANβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘HASβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–€β–ˆβ–’β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ARRIVEDβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β– β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–„β–“β–“β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
January 2019

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing