[Copypasta] Wife wants to leave me because of an NFT diamond ring

My wife loves new technology and is into cryptocurrency and so I thought it would be thoughtful to buy her a diamond ring as a NFT. I spent about 3 ETH which is like $12000 CAD. So when she got home from work I told her I had a surprise for her. I put a blindfold on my wife and guided her into our room where our computer is set up. Soon as she opened her eyes and saw what it was, she absolutely exploded with rage saying I was an asshole and was only thinking about myself. She then accused me of spending money on stupid thing and said she’s going to go find a boyfriend. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I was only thinking about HER interests and how happy she would be to receive this new technology. Plus the price of her ring will only appreciate. Stupid real diamonds only depreciate. We have now signed up for NFT relationship counselling. I have been seeking relationship advice but everyone says to buy her NFT flowers or NFT chocolates. And when I did that, that was the last straw. Wife sent me divorce papers and I converted it into NFT. I know in the long run when all these NFT’s moon. She will come crawling back.
February 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Kripp sends Hafu a romantic letter

twitchquotes: Kripp, this is Hafu... Remember when i asked you to unleash your hounds on my freezing trap but instead you gave me an explosive shot to the face with your acidic swamp ooze? While i always love a good multishot to the face... you finished so quickly it fealt like i was having sex with Nozdormu or something... i mean, i am not just some succubus for you to shiv any time you please..
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

Are you really shitting on Pokémon Unite bro?

Are you really shitting on Pokémon Unite bro? That’s pretty fucking cringe. This is a highly skilled game that requires teamwork. Communication. Hard work. Blood. Sweat. Tears. If your puny mind fails to see this game is all about skill then just go back to playing baby ass LoL you fucking pleb.
July 2021

forsenD

⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣧⣡⣤⡴⠖⣒⣂⠄⡉⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⡇⢴⡌⡀⢨⣤⡡⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⡀⢸⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⣿⣿⠏⣠⣶⣦⣤⡤⠤⠤⣤⣀⣀⠈⢻⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠂⣿⡏⢠⣿⣿⣿⢡⣬⠉⣑⠂⠉⠻⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣰⣿⣧⡀⠻⢿⣯⣷⣭⣀⡈⠄⣿⣷⣦⡻⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠉⣉⣉⠄⠹⠋⢀⣀⣴⣶⣄⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣦⣵⡆ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢁⠴⣩⠾⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠈⠙⠿⣦⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣺⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠈⢿⣾⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣽⣅⣴⣎⠠⠔⣂⣖⣆⣒⣖⡢⠶⠶⡢⢄⠄⢿⣧⡈⠻⢿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⢹⡄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠗⠂⠠⠠⠠⢭⣩⣭⣭⣴⣿⣷⣾⣿⡇⠄⣤⣀⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⡿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣤⡀⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡿⡀⣾⡿⠛⡁ ⣿⣿⣿⠿⠏⠄⠄⠘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠫⣠⣾⡇ ⠿⠿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⠿⠇
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

you are NOT a Pokémon Trainer

twitchquotes: you are NOT a Pokémon Trainer. true trainers understand that battling requires us to see our opponents as equals. you flaunting Pokémon Showdown, whilst aiding in this riot, only shows your ignorance in what it means to be a trainer.
twitch chat
January 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing