I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my p***s was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label:
For Women.
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⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠻⢶⣵⣎⣢⡜⠣⣠⠛⢄⣜⣳⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⠟⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀
Beavis
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣆⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠩⢿⠯⣓⠛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣀⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠦⠄⣰⡒⠶⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣭⣤⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡀⢲⣶⣶⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠸⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡄⢀⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿
The Airport Security Test!
twitchquotes:
✅ 🏻 🏼 🏽 🏾 🏿 🚫 The Airport Security Test! Can you pass through? ⎝ 
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Chat Test
I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now
I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now, moving from place to place, keeping ahead of the vaxmaxers, never staying anywhere too long, never letting my face become known. "It's great being vaxmaxed isn't it" the shopkeep says vacantly, to nobody in particular. In keeping with the act I reply to the Heinz Baked Beans Substitute 6 Pack (No Plastic) in my hand, something unrelated, with what I hope is a slightly bemused tone. It takes a lot longer to do my shopping these days, I can't simply march through the shop in an orderly fashion, taking what I need in a single trip, I have to absent mindedly shuffle back and forward between the aisles, never really displaying any intent. As unpresent as they are, the vaxmaxed would notice if I was too focused, too alert. A loud smashing sound in the distance almost blows my cover, I notice, and focus on the sound. The vaxmaxed around me slowly aim their distant gaze on me, but I'm able to save myself, I continue my neck jerk and turn it in to a series of spasms, I drop to the floor convulsing, the vaxmaxed around me quickly lose interest and continue on with their day. "That means it's working" one elderly lady comments to her milk as she passes. I continue the charade long enough to filter out most of the vaxmaxed sharing the aisle. It takes a while, and no insubstantial amount of sweat on my part, but I make it to the checkout. A morbidly obese woman directs the horde at the tills, seemingly oblivious to the cacophony of aberrant scan noises and blinking red lights above the entirely self service super checkout. I wait dutifully, not wanting to be noticed, not wanting to be set upon by the Asda Security Vax Checker team, it had taken all my best bluffing to get past them at the door, I almost chuckled when they believed my vax card was in the post but it was quickly stifled, a chuckled would have given me away, a chuckle would have seen me held down and injected with science juice.
COVID
Coronavirus
Cybrix and the Head Chef of Dominos
twitchquotes:
Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｃｙｂｒｉｘ， ｔｈｉｓ ｉｓ ｔｈｅ Ｈｅａｄ Ｃｈｅｆ ｏｆ Ｄｏｍｉｎｏｓ™ ｗｅ ｈａｖｅ ｎｏｔｉｃｅｄ ｙｏｕ ｈａｖｅｎ’ｔ ｏｒｄｅｒｅｄ ｆｏｒ ２ ｄａｙｓ， ｗｅ’ｒｅ ｊｕｓｔ ｃｈｅｃｋｉｎｇ ｔｏ ｓｅｅ ｉｆ ｅｖｅｒｙｔｈｉｎｇ ｉｓ ｏｋａｙ ａｎｄ ｗｅ’ｖｅ ｐｒｅｐａｒｅｄ ｙｏｕ ａ ｃｏｍｐｌｅｍｅｎｔａｒｙ ｐｉｚｚａ ｏｆ ｙｏｕｒ ｆａｖｏｕｒｉｔｅ ｔｙｐｅ （ＸＸＬ ａｌｌ－ｔｏｐｐｉｎｇｓ ｐｉｚｚａ－ｔｏｐｐｅｄ ｐｉｚｚａ ｐｉｚｚａ－ｓｔｕｆｆｅｄ ｐｉｚｚａ ｃｒｕｓｔ）． Ｓｅｅ ｙｏｕ ｓｏｏｎ！
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