[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my p***s was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
December 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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Pikachu

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February 2021

Pokemon

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Kripp you promised to start a cooking show soon

twitchquotes: Hey Kripparino riparino, I know you love your Hearthstone but you promised your loving father that you would start a cooking show soon. The gig is up, after this game you must Gordon Ramsay us one splendarino disharoni.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Another extremely unjust loss

twitchquotes: Once again, Kripp, you suffer another extremely unjust loss. I have no idea why you keep losing game after game, even though you possess superb drafting and world-class card game decision making skills. There's clearly something not right and I'm betting that someone at Blizzard may be a little jealous of you.
twitch chat
September 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

I LOVE YOU CHAT

⡟⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⢿⡟⠛⢻⣿⣿⠛⢻⡟⠛⠛⠛⠛⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⡟⠄⢠⣶⡄⠄⢻⡀⠈⣿⡇⠄⣼⡇⠄⣶⣶⣶⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⡇⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⢸⣇⠄⢹⠄⢰⣿⡇⠄⣀⣀⣀⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠈⠉⠉⣷⡀⠈⠛⠁⢀⣾⣿⡄⠄⠄⣾⣿⡇⠄⠛⠛⠛⣿ ⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿⠟⠛⣻⡿⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⡟⠛⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠏⠄⣰⡏⠄⣠⣶⡄⠄⢿⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⣰⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⢸⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⣧⡀⠈⠛⠁⢀⣿⣇⠄⠙⠋⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠻⣿⡟⠛⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⡟⠛⠻⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⣴⣦⣀⣽⡇⠄⠿⠿⠄⠄⣿⣿⠁⢀⠄⢻⣧⣤⡄⠄⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠘⣿⣿⠿⣿⡇⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⣿⡏⠄⠾⠄⠈⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠙⠁⠄⣼⡇⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⡿⠄⢠⣤⣄⠄⢹⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
May 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing