I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my p***s was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label:
For Women.
What happened to this ad? :(
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I love ketchup so much
I enjoy ketchup more than the average person. Made with tomatoes and vinegar, this ubiquitous red sauce is my condiment of choice for a wide variety of dining situations. Sweet and tangy, it's perfect for eating with french fries and burgers, of course, but you might not realize how good it is incorporated into other dishes. Its unique sweet and savory nature makes it a bit of a dynamo that way. No wonder this addictive table staple of households and restaurants is so beloved.
I sexually identify as a Minecraft creeper
twitchquotes:
I sexually identify as a Minecraft creeper. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of stalking people in the dead of the night, making an erotic hissing noise, and then spewing my particles all over them. People say to me that a person being a monster in a dying Swedish pixel game is impossible and Iโm more autistic than a Fortnite default, but I donโt care, Iโm beautiful. Iโm having a doctor fill me with gunpowder and implementing green and black pigments into my skin. From now on I want you guys to call me "Creepus Explodusโ and respect my right to appear on retarded children's backpacks and sweaters. If you canโt accept me youโre a mob-phobe and need to check your entity privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.
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I sexually Identify as
98% of memes aren't even remotely funny
twitchquotes:
Did ๐ You ๐ Know? ๐ญ 98% of ๐ฆ memes ๐ธ aren't ๐ซ even ๐ remotely funny, ๐ but ๐ rather 
an ๐น indication of ๐ฆ the ๐ low ๐ intelligence, absence of ๐ฆ empathy, and ๐ devolution of ๐ฆ modern ๐ฅ man. ๐จ
an ๐น indication of ๐ฆ the ๐ low ๐ intelligence, absence of ๐ฆ empathy, and ๐ devolution of ๐ฆ modern ๐ฅ man. ๐จ
twitch chat
Gulugulu in your stomach
twitchquotes:
Doโ not ๐ฐ eat ๐ fish ๐ after ๐ถ u ๐ฏ drink water ๐บ bc ๐ฐ it can ๐ป swim in ๐ ur stomach ๐ฎ and u will ๐ฒ feel ๐ gulugulu in ur stomach ๐๐ณ๐ผ
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Emoji Pasta
I play Mister Yie in League of Heroes
twitchquotes:
That's it noobs, come play me in a game of League of Heroes. I main with the hardest warrior - Mister Yie. I will build full wiji first so you know I'll be able to tank no problem. After that, I will build a Infinite Ledge and score so hardcore attack speed. That's right - I will be victorious
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imaqtpie