[Copypasta] Ten reasons why you can't move to Scotland

Tin resins why ye canae move tae Sco'land. Win - We dinnae want ye here Tae - Yer nae hard enough Threh - Ye wouldnae like the wither (and ye wouldne ken hoo tae describ it - dreich, drookit, haar, etc) Fir - Yer a dafty who couldne git intae oor big skels and dinnae ken aboot the Sco'ish Enlightinment Fiv - Yer a big girruls blouse and cannae keep up wi oor drinkin Sex - Yed get snapped in hoff if ye played fitbaw wi us sivvun - Ye coodnae handle the patter It - Wae dinnae wint ye drivin up the hoos prices Nin - Yer pribly a jobbyjabber who likes it it in the backsie Tin - Oor wimmun boke at the sight of ye If somehoo ye dae mit the abuv requirmints then ye can enter but ye must promis to vote fi SNP, the ONLY party that trilly represents Sco'land. Fuck off hame any English cunts.
September 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020

TriHard salute

⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢿⠿⠿⠢⡈⠻⠿⢿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠳⣦⣌⣉⡛⠻⠿⠿⢏⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣻⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠈⠑⠢⢀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⠉⠋⠙⣿⣿⠉⠠⡲⣶⠢⠄⠄⠄⡄⢾⢛⣿⣯⢽⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠒ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣕⠘⠋⢸⡇⠈⠛⠿⢿⣷⣦⡀⠄⢀ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣆⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⡍⣀⣀⡰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢯⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣧⠗⡚⠚⠄⠄⠙⢿⢟⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢼⡞⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣇⠄⠄⠤⠤⠴⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠳⣤⡤⠤⠶⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2018

Diablo 2 was great Kripp

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Diablo 2 was great Kripp, I especially loved the part where you mindlessly clicked in an endless, ball-numbing drone for hours on end as the screen flooded with indiscernible ***. (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Creepy smile

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣩⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣍⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠉⠄⢸⣿⡿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⡇⠄⠉⠻⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣧⠄⠈⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⣿⣄⠄⠄⢸⡿⢿⣷⣶⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⣠⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⢸⣄⡠⣌⡉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⢀⣆⡇⣶⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡘⠿⠻⠿⣇⡀⣴⣿⠆⣀⣾⣧⠄⣱⣷⣶⠞⠁⣡⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣦⡀⠑⠹⠿⠘⠿⣼⡙⡿⢡⣿⠄⠉⠁⣠⣾⢟⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⡛⢿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠐⠌⠱⠉⠄⢀⣠⣴⡾⢋⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⣋⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
March 2019

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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