[Copypasta] She sells seashells on a seashore, but the value of these shells will fall

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em Hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly ""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well! Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
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FailFish

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⡉⠈⠙⠛⠋⢉⣙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣭⣴⣶⣾⡛⡶⡶⢤⣾⣇⣈⣧⡤⠈⢙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣤⣶⣷⣿⣯⣉⣤⣴⢶⣴⣯⣽⣿⣿⣛⣿⣿⣧⠻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣃⢌⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢻⣿ ⣿⣿⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿ ⡿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢻⡟⣿⣿⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿ ⠇⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢹ ⣦⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡼ ⣿⣷⣌⢻⣿⠃⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⡠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠙⠀⠀⡏⠀⠀⡐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡿⠃⠀⢀⣠⠔⠀⠀⣴⣶⣶⣦⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⣠⠟⠁⠀⣠⣾⣇⣠⣽⡏⠉⣿⣿⡿⢋⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠞⠁⠀⠀⣼⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⢠⣿⠯⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⣉⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢀⣀⠁⠀⠀⠀⣴⡾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡄⣼⡿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣥⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⢀⣠⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣥⣐⡲⡹⣒⣾⣴⠠⣬⣝⣛⣛⣿⣯⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣝⣘⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2020

Plane

⠀⠀⠀⣖⠲⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠉⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠸⡆⠹⡀⣠⢤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⠀⡧⢤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⢄⣹⣅⣜⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠁⠀⢹⠚⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣀⠴⢒⣉⡹⣶⣤⣀⡉⠉⠒⠒⠒⠤⠤⣀⣀⣀⠇⠀⠀⢸⠠⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒⠯⣟⣲⠦⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠒⠻⢥⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⣲⡬⠭⠿⢷⣦⣤⢄⣀⠀⠀⠚⠛⠛⠓⢦⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠤⠴⠚⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣉⡽⣕⣯⡉⠉⠉⠑⢒⣒⡾ ⠀⠀⣀⡠⠴⠒⠉⠉⠀⢀⣀⣀⠤⡤⢶⣶⣋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀ ⣖⣉⣁⣠⠤⠶⡶⡶⢍⡉⠀⠀⠀⠙⠒⠯⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢦⣯⠇
August 2019

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021

Cyberpunk character creator is broken

This game is so buggy that even the character creator is broken I heard that the game had some bugs but I wasn’t expecting them to hurt my experience so quickly. I was making my character and I got to the genitals option and gave my character a penis. I scrolled through the size option and noticed a game breaking bug. The labels are wrong for the penises. I gave my character what was labeled as “small penis” and was surprised to find that it was way bigger than my real penis. This is a serious game breaking bug and CD Project Red needs to make fixing this issue it’s number one priority.
December 2020

Cake

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣤⣄⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⠛⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇
August 2019
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