[Copypasta] I think I'm addicted to settings

God, I fucking love the settings app. I can't stop fucking changing the text size and checking for the new system update. God, the little slider icon turns me on so much. Whenever there is a system update I cry because I can't go on settings again. My screen time shows 107 hours of settings a day, which isn't even fucking possible.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Your deck is insane, Trump said

twitchquotes: "Your deck is insane." Trump said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Kripp's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to top-deck me?" protests Kripp, as Trump blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Kripp. "Weak tempo play, Trump." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Trump places his Leper Gnome into Kripp's Twisting Nether.
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

KappaPride

fortnite should add a pregnant female skin

I think fortnite should add a pregnant female skin. Every kill she gets she slowly gives birth. When in water blood comes out. At 10 kills she gives birth and the baby can be your pet. Thoughts? Fortnite should hire me yoπŸ™πŸ™
April 2021

Fortnite

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

Cybrix and the Head Chef of Dominos

twitchquotes: οΌ¨ο½…ο½Œο½Œο½γ€€οΌ£ο½™ο½‚ο½’ο½‰ο½˜οΌŒγ€€ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½“γ€€ο½‰ο½“γ€€ο½”ο½ˆο½…γ€€οΌ¨ο½…ο½ο½„γ€€οΌ£ο½ˆο½…ο½†γ€€ο½ο½†γ€€οΌ€ο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½ο½“β„’γ€€ο½—ο½…γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½Žο½ο½”ο½‰ο½ƒο½…ο½„γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½…ο½Žβ€™ο½”γ€€ο½ο½’ο½„ο½…ο½’ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½†ο½ο½’γ€€οΌ’γ€€ο½„ο½ο½™ο½“οΌŒγ€€ο½—ο½…β€™ο½’ο½…γ€€ο½Šο½•ο½“ο½”γ€€ο½ƒο½ˆο½…ο½ƒο½‹ο½‰ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½”ο½γ€€ο½“ο½…ο½…γ€€ο½‰ο½†γ€€ο½…ο½–ο½…ο½’ο½™ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½‰ο½“γ€€ο½ο½‹ο½ο½™γ€€ο½ο½Žο½„γ€€ο½—ο½…β€™ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½ο½’ο½…ο½ο½ο½’ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½γ€€ο½ƒο½ο½ο½ο½Œο½…ο½ο½…ο½Žο½”ο½ο½’ο½™γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½γ€€ο½ο½†γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•ο½’γ€€ο½†ο½ο½–ο½ο½•ο½’ο½‰ο½”ο½…γ€€ο½”ο½™ο½ο½…γ€€οΌˆοΌΈοΌΈοΌ¬γ€€ο½ο½Œο½ŒοΌο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ο½“γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½οΌο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½οΌο½“ο½”ο½•ο½†ο½†ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½γ€€ο½ƒο½’ο½•ο½“ο½”οΌ‰οΌŽγ€€οΌ³ο½…ο½…γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½“ο½ο½ο½ŽοΌ
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Ben Shapiro sings the South Park theme song

So lets say, hypothetically, that I was going down to South Park to have myself a 'time'. In this hypothetical situation, there are friendly folks who are completely devoid of temptation. Now, because I am going down to South Park, it is safe to assume that I would be leaving my woes behind. Now, hypothetically, when I arrive, there is ample parking during both the hours of the day and the night, and the media would be saying "howdy neighbor." OK liberal, now that we've established that, lets say next that I was to head up to South Park. I would then, hypothetically, be testing to see if I would be able to unwind in South Park. I would also like to mention that, as a conservative white male, I find large female genitalia to be very attractive. So, I will finish off my argument by stating that the liberal media should come on down to South Park and meet some acquaintances of mine, including my wife (who is a doctor).
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

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