[Copypasta] A scholar hates twitch chat

The myriad of idiosyncratic atrocities bestowed on this chat from these juvenile delinquents have caused a monstruous amount of turmoil and I cannot fathom this type of malignancy. These futile behaviors have abruptly penetrated the purity of my dear soul.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Incorrect Dongerhood, Sir

twitchquotes: ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ YOU ARRIVED IN THE INCORRECT DONGERHOOD, SIR༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽
twitch chat
April 2014

I love Art of Conquest!

twitchquotes: My $0.99 starter bundle put me well above the other players. But, when I reached the first enemy castle. I couldn't beat it. I checked the in game shop. "BONUS SILVER TROOPS $4.99 EXPIRES IN 3:14:28" I happily spent $4.99. Shortly after I came across an elite boss I couldnt beat. So I checked the in game shop. "BONUS GOLD TROOPS. 5000 RESOURCES. $19.99 EXPIRES IN 1:05:39" It's about to expire! I quickly entered my credit card and bought the bundle, it was such a steal. I love Art of Conquest!
twitch chat
January 2018
Kripp

sellout

I fucking hate Stuart Little

twitchquotes: I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
twitch chat
May 2020

A reply to 'k'

K? K what? The letter before L? The letter after J? Did you know that in JK the K stands for “kidding?” So your reply is “kidding?” or K as in Potassium? Do you need some Special K for breakfast? K as in I can K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks? Sharks have a K in it. "K"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "K"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only letter you can comprehend is "K" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "K" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about a single letter? I bet you took the time to type that one letter too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "K" on your gravestone? Do you want people to remember you as the asshat who one day decided to respond to someone with a single letter? "Hey, look, everybody! It's that "K" guy!" That's who you are. You're going to be known as the "K" guy. How does it feel? Do you feel happy? Quite honestly, I don't care, which is why I'm not even going to respond to you. Goodbye, and good luck with your future as that guy who said "K".
April 2021

Tyler1 is my future mirror

twitchquotes: No, I don’t jerk off to Tyler1 because I’m gay, I jerk off to Tyler1 because he is what I will become with hard enough training. I can get out of diamond. I can go to the gym. Tyler1 is not a human but instead an idea. The idea of my life working, the idea of my not getting bad teammates (who are always at fault in my games seriously wtf am I supposed to do) and the idea of me climbing. When I see Tyler1 I don’t get excited because I’m gay but because he is my future mirror.
twitch chat
January 2020
Tyler1

KappaPride

Text-to-Speech Playing