[Copypasta] A scholar hates twitch chat

The myriad of idiosyncratic atrocities bestowed on this chat from these juvenile delinquents have caused a monstruous amount of turmoil and I cannot fathom this type of malignancy. These futile behaviors have abruptly penetrated the purity of my dear soul.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Scary WutFace

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣵⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣠⣄⡀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣠⡾⠋⠉⠉⠉⠩⢛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠙⢶⣆⠄⠄⠹⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣼⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠁⢻⣿⣿⡠⠦⠄⢸⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠛⡁⠾⠹⠁⠄⠄⣴⡾⣿⣿⠄⠄⠸⢋⣭⠻⣶⠞⠛⠛⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠘⣿ ⣿⠄⠰⣿⡆⡀⠄⠄⢘⢿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠠⣰⠄⠉⢀⣧⠐⠷⠄⣸⣶⣿⡏⠄⠄⠛ ⣿⠄⢠⣤⣷⣧⡢⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣴⡿⢷⠖⢉⡉⠳⡖⣊⡉⠻⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣤⣄⣠⣤⡊⠁⢀⣼⣄⠈⠋⣠⣇⠘⠘⢀⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣟⢸⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⠉⠉⠉⠛⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣾⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣇⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠿⠟⢡⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀ ⠃⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⢆⣀⠝⠛⡟⢻⠛⢟⢫⣁⠦⠄⣾⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⡀⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣀⡈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⣀⣼⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿ ⣧⡀⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⡆⠤⣤⣼⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⡀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⢀⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⣾
October 2019

Kripp commits sudoku over spilled OJ

twitchquotes: The Kripp goes to grocery store. He sees the OJ and yells : Well met ! An old lady next to him get so startled she drops her OJ. Kripp commits sudoku, overcome by grief. RIP in piece Kripp.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Art of Conquest is such an amazing FREE game!

twitchquotes: Art of Conquest is such an amazing FREE game! (Thanks for joining our Conquest Loyalty Rewards Program! Your selected channel is: nl_kripp. The more you post this message in his chat, the bigger your rewards! 1 Post = 10k Gold/Mana/Wood. 5 Posts = 50k Basic Resources + 3x 8 Hour Rush. 40 Posts = 750k Basic Resources + 20k Rare Resources + 21x 8 Hour Rush. Please remove this part before posting or your program will be terminated!)
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

sellout

Young pistachio becomes grand old cashew

twitchquotes: Let me tell you a story. I was once a young pistachio like you. But then I saw the light. I saw the kripp and let the kripp into my life. Now I am a grand old cashew with a pepperoni plantation to boot. Don't make the mistake I once did and deny the kripp. Kripp is love. Kripp is life. Praise the Kripp. Amen.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing