[Copypasta] Not gonna be active on twitch chat tonight

twitchquotes: Not gonna be active on twitch chat tonight. I'm meeting a girl (a real one) in half an hour (wouldn't expect a lot of you to understand anyway) so please don't whisper me asking me where I am (im with the girl, ok). Shes actually really interested in me and its not a situation i can pass up for some meaningless twitch chat pastas. (Gonna have lots of segz tonight with a real girl).
twitch chat
May 2021
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You are currently in a 25 year coma

twitchquotes: If you are reading this message, Jesse, you are currently in a 25 year coma. We've been trying to communicate with you for the longest time by manipulating your brain waves, but nothing so far has worked. If you manage to read this it means our new method has succeeded. Please, wake up Jesse. Your family loves you and wants you back. In a week they are going to pull the plug on your life support, they can't afford the medical bills anymore.
twitch chat
August 2017
Sneaky

Running dog

โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฑโ–โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฑโ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ•ฒโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ–โ–โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ–โ•ฒโ–•โ–‹โ–•โ–‹โ–โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฒโ•ฒโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ–โ”ˆโ–โ”ˆโ–”โ–”โ–”โ–†โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฒโ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ•ฒโ•ฑโ”ˆโ•ฐโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ•ฏโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฑโ•ฒโ•ฑโ•ฒโ–โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ–•โ–”โ•ฐโ”โ•ฏโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ–”โ•ฒโ•ฒโ•ฑโ•ฑโ–”โ•ฑโ–”โ–”โ•ฒโ•ฒโ•ฒโ•ฒโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฒโ•ฑโ•ฒโ•ฑโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฒโ•ฒโ–‚โ•ฒโ–‚โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฒโ•ฑโ•ฒโ•ฑโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆ
ascii art
November 2014

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom when they thought we were asleep. I'd hear my mother excitedly talking about how much she enjoyed cocks as they jumped around on the bed. What surprised me though was, when we went to Spain she mentioned how cruel she thought bullfighting was. I never confronted her about the hypocrisy though.
October 2021

Sir you have been found with Rocket League hacks

twitchquotes: Sir you have been found with Rocket League hacks. A SWAT team is on the way to your location. Make sure the door is open, otherwise they are ready to break it down. Don't destroy any evidence and don't contact your accomplices! Prepare disks, flash drives and any other multimedia devices containing illegal materials, proving your criminality. Be prepared to answer the questions during your interrogation! Cooperate and don't deny the charges against you.
twitch chat
June 2019

Maya's mod responds to Miz and Maya break up

I wish I could say I didn't see this coming but...sigh..I definitely did. To many people not in the loop it may have come as a shock. They certainly LOOKED like a happy couple, but when you've been a twitch mod for as long as I have...you notice certain things. As Maya's head mod and commandant in charge of holding off weirdos I could tell very clearly that something was up. The way she acted on stream, her general atmosphere, twas as if a beautiful chrysanthemum was being oppressed by a violent and balding Gardner. Someone who had not the faintest idea how to look after beautiful flowers. But the time has come, the thorns and nature hath come to wreak havok. At the moment a plan is being drafted by me and the sub mods to find her a new boyfriend who is fit to properly look after her. Naturally I will be taking the temporary (and maybe permanent if all goes to plan ๐Ÿ˜‰) role of boyfriend/guardian. But while I reveal my plans and provide you all a mere glimpse at the machinations set in motion by this breakup I must warn you... BACK OFF... This is not your fight, you have no idea who you are dealing with. If you come after her now without going through the necessary protocols then I won't be able to control myself. There is a reason I would never show myself on stream or play among us. There is a side to the top twitch dog that you don't wanna know about. These fangs are here for a reason, don't. Make me. Use them.
September 2021
Maya

Simps

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