I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Dubarino
twitchquotes:
Wᴇʟʟ Mᴇᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ Dᴜʙᴀɪ, Rᴇʏɴᴀᴅ. Pʟs sᴛᴏᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ. "୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨" ᴍᴇᴀɴs "Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɢᴏᴀᴛ ᴘᴇɴ!s" ɪɴ ᴅᴜʙᴀʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
Reynad
voting booth inspection is not required
twitchquotes:
So I was waiting in line to vote when all of a sudden this voting "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my voter registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm voter identity. Because I thought he was a voting official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I voted I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy voting!
twitch chat
2020 US Election
How to kill a geologist
Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.
I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
Jeff from History class last semester
twitchquotes:
Hey, kripp! What's up, man? It's Jeff from History class from last semester. I didn't know you were some kind of famous celebrity hahahaha. Hit me up, man. Btw, did you ever hook up with Brian? He was a T H I C C boy. xD You are such a dog. It's cool to see you again. Hit me up sometime!
twitch chat
Kripp
Cover yourself in oil to fly
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠤⠄⠒⠒⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠐⠒⠒⠒⠂⠤⣤⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⠒⠤⢀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠠⠠⠤⠤⠤⠒⠊⡸⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⡀⠄⠄⢀⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡰⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠱⡀⠈⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⣊⣀⣀⣀⠄⡰⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⡼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣫⣙⣛⣛⣛⣿⣟⣻⡻⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⡟⣯⣽⣾⣿⣟⣻⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⣹⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⡼⠋⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡠⠞⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⠶⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⠴⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⢀⣀⣀⡤⠤⠖⠛⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄oil floats on water⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⢶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣯⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣵⣿⣿⣿⣟⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣫⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⣋⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⡿⣛⣫⣽⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣭⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣯⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣫⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⡿⣫⣿⣿⣿⣿⢫⣾⣿⣛⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣾⣷⣿⣟⣿⣞⣽⣿⣟⣾⡿⣫⣞⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⡉⡉⣶⠤⠄⠤⠹⠯⠭⠝⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢷⣭⣾⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⢘⣥⣤⡤⢄⡀⠄⠄⢂⣀⣈⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⡿⣿⣿⢟⡿⣷⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⢿⣽⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⡿⢋⡤⣲⠬⣘⣫⠽⠛⠺⠓⠄⢲⠟⠛⡋⣉⣁⡄⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣵⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⢍⣾⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⡤⠻⠐⢯⡓⢦⣄⣀⡀⣖⠦⠄⡈⣹⠦⠍⣡⣧⠈⡾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠘⢶⠄⠈⢿⣹⢷⣤⣼⡉⠓⠒⠛⡗⠒⣎⣯⣿⢸⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠣⡀⠄⠙⠦⣀⡏⠙⠛⡟⢻⡿⢿⢿⣿⡿⢸⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠈⣒⣷⣣⠔⢭⠙⡒⠳⠾⠶⠟⢛⠩⠄⠘⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⣠⠟⠁⣿⠈⠿⡷⢦⣈⣁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⣰⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⡴⠛⠁⠄⠄⣷⠄⠄⠙⢦⠄⠄⠉⠉⠓⠒⠊⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠈⢷⡀⠄⣀⠄⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⡤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢧⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄wait for it to rain
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ cover yourself in oil
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⠖⠒⠒⣒⠶⠒⠒⠲⠶⠒⣶⣶⣤⠤⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡰⠟⠄⠠⣐⠹⠦⠉⠒⠒⢀⠁⠐⠒⠂⠤⠄⠍⡀⠓⢦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡜⠋⣴⠞⢻⡛⠶⠦⠴⠞⠄⠈⠙⠋⠄⠈⢹⡉⠉⢀⣀⣴⠶⠕⡁⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⠻⣆⠄⠄⠙⣯⢻⠷⣦⣤⣿⡉⠛⢛⠒⠻⣶⠒⢺⣏⣿⣿⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠚⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠘⠚⠮⣍⡐⠄⠂⠤⠉⠙⠓⢒⢀⡨⢒⡴⣼⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡴⢛⠟⠛⢿⠶⠤⣤⣀⣄⣀⣠⣷⠞⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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