[Copypasta] I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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February 2019

Classic

Space Invaders

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▄▄████▄▄░░░░░ ░░░▄██████████▄░░░ ░▄██▄██▄██▄██▄██▄░ ░░░▀█▀░░▀▀░░▀█▀░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▀▄░░░▄▀░░░░░ ░░░░▄█▀███▀█▄░░░░ ░░░█▀███████▀█░░░ ░░░█░█▀▀▀▀▀█░█░░░ ░░░░░░▀▀░▀▀░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄░▀▄░░░▄▀░▄░░░ ░░░█▄███████▄█░░░ ░░░███▄███▄███░░░ ░░░▀█████████▀░░░ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░▀▄░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░▄▄████▄▄░░░░░ ░░░██████████░░░░ ░░░██▄▄██▄▄██░░░░ ░░░░▄▀▄▀▀▄▀▄░░░░░ ░░░▀░░░░░░░░▀░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░▄██▄░░░░░░░ ░░░░▄██████▄░░░░░ ░░░███▄██▄███░░░░ ░░░░░▄▀▄▄▀▄░░░░░░ ░░░░▀░▀░░▀░▀░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░███░░░░░░░ ░░▄███████████▄░░ ░░█████████████░░ ░░█████████████░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
September 2021

Mitch and Reynad

twitchquotes: Mitch release Reynad from their passionate embrace to catch his breath. He holds Reynad's gaze intently, "Reynad, this is just like the arcane dream all over again". Reynad smiles and whispers, "Mitch let me show you what a real Tempo Storm is all about" and unzips his pants. KappaPride
twitch chat
May 2016
Riot Games

KappaPride

I'm not gay but I want to live with Kanye West

I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Kanye. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Kanye. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love.
August 2021

Kanye West

Hey qtpie, you should check your video settings

twitchquotes: Hey qtpie, you should check your video settings after this game, there seems to be an issue with the stream. The colors of the video fade and entire screen goes gray every 30 or so seconds
twitch chat
September 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing