I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Lord Voldemort has infiltrated the Dignitas house
twitchquotes:
Michael, this is Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort has infiltrated the Dignitas house and killed Scarra. The legend says the one that carrys the mark of the donger on his forehead is destined to stop the dark lord. Please Michael avenge Scarra!
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Reynad, this is excellent music
twitchquotes:
Reynad, this is excellent music. I'm slowly stroking my shaft to it. With each card you drop I grip slightly tighter, the smooth jazz elevator music hybrid piping in my soft supple ears. You sexy bastard you
twitch chat
Forsen
3rd world countries like Sweden and Germany
twitchquotes:
As I sit here in the land of freedom and glory, soaring on the wings of the bald eagle; I look down at the earth below me. Soaring over the crystal waters of the US Ocean toward 3rd world counties like Sweden and Germany, I am reminded that not everyone was lucky enough to be born into greatness. A single tear is shed as I weep at the thought of Denmark and Norway and the poverty they endure. The tear falls
twitch chat
EU vs NA
How traders politely decline the second date
I discovered recently if I am on a date and I’m not that interested in a second, all I need to do is start talking about my stocks. They won’t ask for another one then, I won’t have to politely decline.
WallStreetBets
I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times.
I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.