[Copypasta] I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021
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More Copypastas

Wow! I love Verizon™!

twitchquotes: Wow! I love Verizon™! I’m glad that the internet is so free! Isn’t it great to say whatever you want and have your opinion represented equally across the internet! It’s really great! Good thing Verizon has spent millions on having that removed I’m sure they won’t abuse it! Thank you Verizon™! I love Verizon™! Don’t you love Verizon™?! Say it! Say it! Say you love Verizon™! Can’t you see they’re protecting us from all those small businesses who want to steal a fraction of their market?! Don’t you hate those people disagreeing with you?! I sure love Verizon™! Thank you Verizon™! Thank you for sticking your gold plated rusty knives up our asses and looking us dead in the eyes and saying “this is what’s best for a free and open internet” and slowly twisting it deeper and deeper until we eventually just give out and shit money into your fat wallets!
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

Setsuko, the crybaby of TFT

twitchquotes: Setsuko, the crybaby of TFT, graces us with a melodramatic "HELP! HELP!, LIKE PLEASE!" as he navigates the turbulent seas of RNG. Oh, and let's not forget his profound insight: "THIS SHIT COMPANY." A true visionary, leading us to eighth place with unparalleled wisdom. "IS IT MY FAULT?" he ponders, as the drama unfolds. And then, in a moment of clarity, he poses the existential question: "Do you guys hate me?". Setsuko, the unsung hero of TFT! xddFRAUD
twitch chat
January 2024

Teamfight Tactics

Play the greatest game of all time, Cookie Clicker

twitchquotes: Kripp, you are called casual all day everyday and I say it is time to stop. If you truly wish to play a mans game, Play the greatest game of all time, Cookie Clicker. Nothing is more hardcore and less p2w than the masterpiece that is cookie clicker. Play that on stream and never be called casual ever again.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Person holding sign up

| ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄| insert text here |___________| \ (•◡•) / \ / --- | |
October 2021

There was a bug in the toilet

twitchquotes: WHEN I SAT DOWN ⬇️ TO PEE 🧘‍♂️💦 THERE WAS A BUG 🐞 IN THE TOILET 🚽 BUT I THOUGHT 💭 IT WAS DROWNED 🌊👻 ❓❔❓❔ N WHEN I GOT UP ⬆️ ‼️IT WASN'T ❌ THERE 👉 IM SOBBING 😭 IS IT IN MY FUCKING 🍆 BUTTHOLE 🍑⭕ WHERE IS IT⁉️⁉️⁉️
twitch chat
July 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing