[Copypasta] I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Shrek with joint

⢀⡴⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠸⡇⠀⠿⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⣠⠾⠁⣀⣄⡈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠂⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡿⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣁⣀⠀⠴⠂⠙⣗⡀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠭⢤⣴⣦⣤⣹⠀⠀⠀⢀⢴⣶⣆ ⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣾⣿⣥⣴⣿⣿⡿⢂⠔⢚⡿⢿⣿⣦⣴⣾⠁⠸⣼⡿ ⠀⢀⡞⠁⠙⠻⠿⠟⠉⠀⠛⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢤⣼⣿⣾⣿⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣾⣷⣶⠇⠀⠀⣤⣄⣀⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠉⠈⠉⠀⠀⢦⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣽⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ()_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_)⠉⠲⣽⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠉
August 2020

Shrek

Your Social Credit score increased

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⡃⡛⠈⣹⣋⣲⡐⠂⢸⡇⡘⢣⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠈⠹⢿⣠⠄⢸⣿⠄⠶⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡆⠰⠸⠤⢿⣡⣓⡒⡂⣒⡇⢃⢶⠄⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡀⣰⣾⣿⠄⢸⣟⠛⠿⠄⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣶⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣷⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣃⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣈⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠷⣤⡼⠋⡉⠻⡿⢉⡉⢻⠉⢹⠋⣉⠛⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢫⣍⣴⣴⢴⣾⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡏⠙⠷⠄⠄⠘⠟⠄⣇⠸⠟⢻⠄⢸⠄⠶⠄⣇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠚⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⣿⣿⣿⠃⠐⠒⠠⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢻⠟⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠙⠃⠄⢻⣿⡇⠄⠄⡔⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⡀⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⣶⣦⣼⠉⢉⡝⠉⡉⠙⡏⢉⡁⢸⠁⣏⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⡆⠄⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⢱⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠛⠋⢹⠄⢸⣇⠄⠖⠲⡇⠻⠃⢸⠄⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⢀⣤⣾⣿⣷⡄⠸⡀⠄⢡⠰⠄⠄⡎⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣶⣾⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣶⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣵⣀⢸⢀⢀⣨⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
October 2021

Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. “Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls. After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Bear

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▄▄░░░░░░▄▄▄▄░░░░░ ░░░▐▀▀▄█▀▀▀▀▀▒▄▒▀▌░░░░ ░░░▐▒█▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀█░░░░░ ░░░░█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▌░░░░ ░░░░▌▒██▒▒▒▒██▒▒▒▐░░░░ ░░░░▌▒▒▄▒██▒▄▄▒▒▒▐░░░░ ░░░▐▒▒▒▀▄█▀█▄▀▒▒▒▒█▄░░ ░░░▀█▄▒▒▐▐▄▌▌▒▒▄▐▄▐░░░ ░░▄▀▒▒▄▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▀▒▀▄░░ ░░█▒▀█▀▌▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▐▒▒▐░░ ░░░▀▄▄▌▌▒▒▒▒▐▒▒▒▀▒▒▐░░ ░░░░░░░▐▌▒▒▒▒▀▄▄▄▄▄▀░░ ░░░░░░░░▐▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░░ ░░░░░░░░▌▒▒▒▒▄▄▒▒▒▐░░░
November 2014

When will TSM play next?

twitchquotes: Hey guys! I've only recently started watching msi, and I have grown attached to the team known as "TSM". The only problem is I don't have access to a schedule of the msi fixtures. Could someone please let me know when TSM play next? For I would love to watch them again. Thanks! EleGiggle
twitch chat
May 2017
Riot Games

League of Legends

EU vs NA

Text-to-Speech Playing