[Copypasta] I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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📞 4Head HEY DALLAS

twitchquotes: 📞 4Head HEY DALLAS 📞 4Head JUST HIT BRONZE 📞 4Head CAN I JOIN?
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March 2018
OverwatchLeague

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Hello this is Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon

twitchquotes: Hello this is Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon™. As many of you know, we have recently bought over "Twitch tv". Users must now buy 'Emotes' such as " Kappa ", " Kreygasm " and " FrankerZ ". If users proceed to use these emotes without buying and owning them, we will have to, not only remove the account of the user but also, shut down the stream we have evidence that is has been used in. Thank you, do not copy and paste this. This is business, kid.
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August 2014
imaqtpie

Shaggy Doo

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September 2021

Android logo

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠻⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⠟⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⣴⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡆⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠿⢿⣿⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣿⡿⠿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⣧⣤⣤⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⣤⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡄⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
August 2021

Equal rights equal fights

I (15M) was walking from school to home today and a girl (15F) kicked my leg. So yeah I was walking to home today and that bitchass girl kicked my leg. It didn't hurt too much it was more like a fly landing on me as my super muscly body protected me. But anyway, as a person that believes in gender equality I punched her a lot harder with my super muscly manly man fists and knocked her out, kidnapped her to my school's chemistry lab at night, then with my super smart brain I composed HCl (hydrochloric acid for those uneducated inferior peeps) with my super chemistry knowledge. I then dipped her in my glorious acid just like any gender equality believing sigma male would. Equal rights equal fights my dear superior reddit using sigma male friends.
May 2022
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