[Copypasta] My Grandfather smoked his whole life

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.
March 2021

Classic

I used to be a real ad
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Navy Seal

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
April 2019

Classic

Navy Seal

I remember a time when copypasta was biting satire

twitchquotes: I remember a time when copypasta was biting satire and prophetic indictments of contemporary Twitch chat. Copypasta when I was a younger teenager had the potency to topple Nazi moderatorships and revolutionize new chat epochs. Even the truncation of "copypasta" to "pasta" shows a lack of eloquence that speaks volumes. If, like me, you are a product of those better times and wish to see them return then speak out. Let the memers and Toucans know that real copypasta back.
twitch chat
July 2015

MODS

Classic

Flanders Diddly Spamly Doodly

โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„ โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’DIDDLYโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’SPAMLYโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’DOODLYโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–€โ–’โ–ˆโ–Œ โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–Œ โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–Œโ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–โ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ– โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–
ascii art
September 2016

Classic

Shrek is love. Shrek is life

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.๏ปฟ
February 2021

Shrek

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Trevor from ChatBotsForTwitch.com

twitchquotes: Hi [insert streamer name], this is Trevor from ChAtBotsForTwitch,com. We kindly request that if you're going to pay the extra to have our employees interact with your chat, you don't make fun of them. We know you have difficulty getting real viewers and it frustrates you, but please don't take it out on my employees. Thank you, Trevor.
twitch chat
March 2021

Classic

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