[Copypasta] My Grandfather smoked his whole life

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.
March 2021

Classic

I used to be a real ad
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Pickpocket hot tip

twitchquotes: Hot tip: When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim 'Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles'. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area.
twitch chat
January 2019

Classic

KEKW

⢰⣶⠶⢶⣶⣶⡶⢶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠶⢶⣶⣶⣶⣶ ⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⣹⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿ ⠄⠤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⡈⠙⠛⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⠠⣤⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶ ⢠⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣭⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣿⣿⠉⠉⠉⢉⣉⡉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛ ⢸⣿⡀⠄⠈⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣠⣴⣿⣷⣭⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠸⠿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⡟⠋⠈⠻⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡁⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠈⠻⠿⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠒⠒⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⢿⣦⣄⣠⣄⠛⠟⠃⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢀⣰⣦⣼⣿⣿⡿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⠄⢰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⣥⣾⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠈⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣧⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2019

Classic

Red sus. Red suuuus

Red sus. Red suuuus. I said red, sus, hahahahaha. Why arent you laughing? I just made a reference to the popular video game "Among Us"! How can you not laugh at it? Emergeny meeting! Guys, this here guy doesnt laugh at my funny Among Us memes! Lets beat him to death! Dead body reported! Skip! Skip! Vote blue! Blue was not an impostor. Among us in a nutshell hahahaha. What?! Youre still not laughing your ass off? I made SEVERAL funny references to Among Us and YOU STILL ARENT LAUGHING??!!! Bruh. Ya hear that? Wooooooosh. Whats woooosh? Oh, nothing. Just the sound of a joke flying over your head. Whats that? You think im annoying? Kinda sus, bro. Hahahaha! Anyway, yea, gotta go do tasks. Hahahaha!
October 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

Flanders Diddly Spamly Doodly

▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ░▄███████▀▀▀▀▀▀███████▄ ░▐████▀▒DIDDLY▒▒▒▒▀██████▄ ░███▀▒▒▒▒SPAMLY▒▒▒▒▒▀█████ ░▐██▒▒▒▒▒▒DOODLY▒▒▒▒▒▒████▌ ░▐█▌▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒████▌ ░░█▒▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▒▒▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▒▐███▌ ░░░▐░░░▄▄░░▌▐░░░▄▄░░▌▐███▌ ░▄▀▌░░░▀▀░░▌▐░░░▀▀░░▌▒▀▒█▌ ░▌▒▀▄░░░░▄▀▒▒▀▄░░░▄▀▒▒▄▀▒▌ ░▀▄▐▒▀▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒█ ░░░▀▌▒▄██▄▄▄▄████▄▒▒▒▒█▀ ░░░░▄██████████████▒▒▐▌ ░░░▀███▀▀████▀█████▀▒▌ ░░░░░▌▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▐ ░░░░░▌▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐
September 2016

Classic

Unbench the kench

twitchquotes: UNROLL THE TADPOLE OSFrog UNCLOG THE FROG OSFrog UNLOAD THE TOAD OSFrog UNINHIBIT THE RIBBIT OSFrog UNSTICK THE LICK OSFrog UNIMPRISON THE AMPHIBIAN OSFrog UNMUTE THE NEWT OSFrog UNBENCH THE KENCH OSFrog PERMIT THE KERMIT OSFrog DEFOG THE POLLIWOG OSFrog
twitch chat
September 2015
imaqtpie

Classic

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing