I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.ο»Ώ
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
Priced in
Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
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WallStreetBets
When spam, my text automatically go to the smallest size
twitchquotes:
Κ·Κ°α΅αΆ° Λ’α΅α΅α΅, α΅ΚΈ α΅α΅Λ£α΅ α΅α΅α΅α΅α΅α΅α΅αΆ¦αΆα΅αΆ«αΆ«ΚΈ α΅α΅ α΅α΅ α΅Κ°α΅ Λ’α΅α΅αΆ«αΆ«α΅Λ’α΅ Λ’αΆ¦αΆ»α΅β
αΆ¦ αΆα΅αΆ° α΅α΅Λ£αΆ¦α΅αΆ¦αΆ»α΅ Λ’α΅α΅α΅ α΅α΅Κ³ α΅αΆ¦Λ£α΅αΆ« α΅αΆ°α΅ αΆ¦αΆ°αΆΚ³α΅α΅Λ’α΅ α΅Κ°α΅ α΅αΆ¦αΆ αΆ αΆ¦αΆα΅αΆ«α΅ΚΈ α΅α΅ Κ³α΅α΅α΅ Λ’α΅αΆ¦α΅ Λ’α΅α΅α΅ αΆα΅α΅Λ’αΆ¦αΆ°α΅ αΆ Κ³α΅Λ’α΅Κ³α΅α΅αΆ¦α΅αΆ° α΅αΆ α΅Κ°α΅ α΅αΆ¦α΅Κ·α΅Κ³β
α΅αΆ«αΆ« α΅α΅αΆα΅α΅αΆ¦αΆ°α΅ α΅α΅Λ£αΆ¦α΅α΅α΅ α΅αΆ αΆ αΆ¦αΆαΆ¦α΅αΆ°αΆΚΈ
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Classic
Le Toucan has arrived
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββleβββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββtoucanββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββhasββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββarrivedββββββββββββββββββββββ
Classic
When I use this text, my brain cell begin to die
twitchquotes:
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ο½ ο½ ο½ο½ο½
ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½οΌ ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
ο½ο½ ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ ο½ο½
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ο½ο½ο½ο½.
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Kripp
Classic
TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now FiancΓ©e, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.